What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

I think he should go, maybe live in a shelter if that's the only possibility. Will have to change his behaviour a lot before allowed even to come close to your house. I understand he's the biological father of your gr adchild, but the child is better of without him.

What did I just read? Er no 👎
GET FUCKING RID NOW! 😠 😡 😤

As for your other daughter (to whom you're doing this favour for) I would be having stern words. 💯

Has she threathened to withhold your grandchild from you, if you don't comply with this batshit crazy set up? 🤨
If this is the case, then I would walk away.
I wouldn't be bribed by any grandchild, as it will always be to your detriment, and you could already be putting both yourself and your other daughter at risk with this current set up. 😨

Tell your daughter in the flat to fuck off and tell her you don't need her dramatics. 🖕
@WhyAreWeLikeThis

Change the locks and bag his stuff up while he's at work tomorrow. Maybe ask your ex if he can be on standby in case you need backup. In the meantime, turn the wifi off/change the password.

He told you to shush?

Give him 1 week to totally change all of this - and if ANY of it continues he's out.

If you can’t get him to leave after explaining to your friend and him that it’s not working. I’d call the police to ask for support as it’s your home. You can tell them this too. They won’t make a scene they will give him advice and say where he should go.

Get that man out of your house and tell that arsehole that asked you to do a favour, never to ask anything of you again.

Throw him out. You are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm

Just came on first of all to give you a virtual hug. You are sounding understandably really stressed out and you're dealing with quite multidimensional issues. And you're being taken advantage of! And your daughter is suffering. Do you have a trusted person you can really talk this through with so that you can find the strength to get rid? Or failing that see a solicitor to help you understand your position in the round?

Chuck the shusher out now. The 2am doorbell was madness. The shush was the last straw. The real issue here is this family member - reassessing your boundaries and (entire?) relationship with them.

lol. I’m 48 and often in bed at 8 playing Animal Crossing before I go to sleep. It’s mostly adults that play it!! And teens, my older teen plays.

You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. How dare this man tell you to shush in your home. How dare he make you and your daughter feel uncomfortable in your own. How dare the person you are doing the favour for saying they don't want to hear about drama which would not have been caused had you not been so kind to put this chump up! Do you and your daughter a favour and put this man out immediately. And if the relative kicks off, tell them to put him up themselves as you are not prepared to be treated like a maid and be uncomfortable in your own home by someone who can't follow basic house rules and common decency. If you think you are going to have issues getting a pal or twos husbands and brothers round to enforce the message. Good luck OP - you have got this 💕

Not this

He needs to go. Now. End of. Don’t put up with this any longer and if the person it’s a favour for is not happy…….tough.

There’s another ‘child’ involved here too…..your daughter.

He is taking the piss, does not know how to behave or does not care. Give him notice one week and ask him him to leave. You do not have to give him notice. If he fails to go pack his bags, leave them. outside. Change your locks any problems call 999

What about the other ‘child’ involved here……your daughter???

Oh goodness me, please pack his stuff up while he’s at work and leave it at the other relatives, change the locks and be done with them both! What an outrageous way to treat someone. Especially someone who’s helping you out!

This 👆 💯 👏

I hope it works out well for you

Wtf. Send him packing. He is not your problem but is giving you problems.

Tell your relative he has to go end of.

If he refuses to leave, involve the police and get him removed.

He needs to leave - I’m shocked he has been there since October OP. He is disrupting everyone’s sleep apart from anything, but you don’t have to have him there regardless - even if he was Mr Perfect guest.

Not good enough your relative ‘doesn’t want to hear dramas’ when you are actually doing the favour for them, not him. Anyway there is no drama, you’ve hosted him long enough and it’s time for him to move on.

I think he should find alternative accommodation in the next week, absolutely he cannot stay until the end of Feb and the idea he could extend his stay until the summer - your relative is in a break from reality!

If he can afford booze, takeaways and weed he can afford to pay rent - like your DD does. In any case I'd kick him out now but if you don't then tell him end of February is the limit. If he moans, tell him you don't want to hear his drama.
Personally I think the whole arrangement is a piss take

This man is a real low life and piss taker supreme. Get rid of him asap and call the police involved if he wing go.

As for your brother. He sounds like another prat

Oh Yes.
And get the locks changed to be on the safe side.

Good Luck

Get rid immediately but I suspect he w

Just tell him to f**k off and get out your house. It will only get worse if you don't