What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

Wow! What a rude disrespectful person. And so is the friend you’re doing the favour for. Give him a week’s notice and tell him he’s going

They’ll keep taking as long as you keep giving, and you will get no thanks. Once you ask them to leave they won’t say thank you and act like you are a dick. Years ago I had a friend really pressuring me to stay at a really in convenient time, constantly calling to keep ‘in touch’. Then they made their play to stay, wo mentioning for how long. I was ready and sed no, couple years later they tried indirectly apologizing for how pushy they were, the friendship never recovered. Get this person out of your house.

The person she's doing a favour for is her other daughter. 'Guest' is not allowed to live with daughter and grandchild so there's something pretty serious going on.

She still 100% needs to have him leave though.

The second someone told me to shush would be the last thing they’d say to me. I know your situation is a lot more complicated than that, but whilst your dd May be upset with you to begin with for making her life harder, surely she won’t stop you seeing your grandchild longer term?

Get rid of him now otherwise he will never leave, he has it so good. Try and get someone with you as a witness, to back you up and protect you, when you tell him to leave and make sure you give him a deadline. Also, put it in writing and give to him. At the same time tell him you will remove his belongings if he is still there after the deadline. If he becomes abusive phone the police. He is taking advantage of you. THIS IS YOUR HOME!

Explain that things are not working and he must find alternative housing. This may be too obvious, but say it with a sense of compassion, not anger.

This person is so disrespectful. Honestly he’s taking liberties plus he’s rude to you. You must ask him to leave and your relative needs to back you up. You have been very generous offering him a roof over his head but he has behaved in a really selfish way OP. Good luck

Get a couple of male relatives or friends to escort him off your property permanently.

Kick him out! And if he won't go, call the police. How damn rude of him and whoever it is who forced him on you. Sorry, I didn't get beyond his telling you to shush before I responded...😡

Tell him to leave asap. You are not responsible for him, l think you have gone above and beyond. Your so called friend is not supporting you at all, so send him over to your friends home, he is clearly taking advantage of you. Also cannabis is illegal , for whatever he is using it for and yes, l agree, the smell is awful ( l had issues with my neighbours about it) .

OP hasnt been back. Hope she got some support from other family. Sounds like the daughter might have manipulated her into not taking action

Who has said he can’t live at his own place? Get him out of your home. You do not have to put up with his behaviour. Ask your ex for support to get rid of him.

He is rude, ungrateful and disrespectful - as is the person you're doing the favour for. Draw the line and boot him out!

"Tells you to 'shush'"....tell him he has an hour to pack up and go or you'll call the police to get him out if he refuses, and he can explain any "outdoor plants" they find on him after you've told them about his behaviour......

Really What the heck? Are you mad!!! Tell him to leave immediately, right now, pronto!
your being made a fool of, never let him even visit again …

Its unbelievable you accepted him into your home when you dont even really know him.
Ask him to leave immediately, if he has no where to go not your problem, maybe the person who asked you to have him should pay for a hotel, if he refuses to leave phone the police. They might be interested in his weed stash too.

I do hope you're alright, OP. A little worried 😟

Get rid NOW!!
change the locks if necessary cx

This post is so extreme?
Is it real?
The person you re doing a favour, do they own your home. Is sounds like you have no agency in whether this pig comes or goes.
Tell him to get f**ked, and or change the locks.
Scream at him to leave. Get your home back.

Tell him to sling his hook . Shush indeed

I hope you and your daughter are ok. Please let us all know how you’re doing when you’re able.

You definitely have more than enough on your plate at the moment than to deal with this dickhead. Absolutely chuck him out without notice, and go the route of change the locks while he is out and put his stuff outside in bin bags. MAYBE take his stuff to the charming relative's house who convinced you to house him - I imagine they knew exactly what they were getting you into.

Cheeky fucker of a wankstain.

You are being taken advantage of. He sees you as weak and easy to manipulate. I fear that he will ‘take over’ and start calling the shots.

Tell him it’s not working out and you want him gone by the end of the week. Do not wait until end of February, because before you know it, it will be end of February 2027!!

I wouldn't even wait around asking him to pack his stuff; I would do it on his behalf whilst he is out at work and leave it on the doorstep - and would also be having the locks changed. If he bangs on the door and rings the doorbell incessantly on his return call the police

This feels like it can't possibly be true it's so fucking mad - TELL HIM TO LEAVE!!!!

IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM WHERE HE GOES!!!!!!!