What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

Absolutely no! Please don’t let him treat you this way especially if you don’t do as I say you won’t see grand child again,you cannot give in,please look after yourself.if anything happens to your daughter in the night or you,caused by him,you will never forgive yourself.bag his stuff and put it outside.take care

Please @WhyAreWeLikeThis you need to get this person to leave your home.

I mean this in a nice way but you need to grow a backbone and get him out. You do not deserve to get spoken to like that and it's not fair on your daughter. They are taking advantage of you.
I would give him a week to find somewhere else. And have he's bags packed and door locked for him coming home. Get a friend to sit with you for when he comes back and don't let him in. Call the police if he kicks off. He doesn't pay rent so isn't entitled to any more notice.

Only read the first page but

1. make sure you have a burly male friend there with you when you throw him out.
2. make sure you change the locks

Totally agree. Tell him to sling his hook and be a parasite elsewhere. Change the locks first!

Op why are you doing this ? Are you scared of him somehow ? Kick that waste of oxygen out

His behaviour is so disrespectful and unacceptable. Don't put up with his sh*t a minute longer and forget doing a favour to your friend/relative by having him stay. The longer you allow him to treat you and your home like a hostel, the more animosity there will be between you and your daughter and the more she will lose respect for you.

Get rid, now.

Plus it's not a great message to your daughter if you don't.

This is diabolical! Absolutely selfish thoughtless pig centred behaviour.. Have you got someone who can be there when you tell him you can't live like this... It's your place and you want him to leave. You never realised it would be so disruptive but it is. Google where to get help.. womens aid? This will make you ill.. It's rediculous that he's taking over your house. Your not being out of order asking for a peaceful life that your not going to get with this rude person under your roof. Change the locks!! If he makes a fuss call the police.. tell him this is going to happen if he doesn't leave. He's not a friend. He's a selfish man who only thinks about himself. Good luck.. keep posting how things are going. 🙏💞

Mea culpa - I only realised afterwards that most people who play this are adults! I only know this game from when my DS was 6 so I didn’t realise! I did apologise later in the thread!

There is a question here.
Where will he go to when he leaves OP?
If he has nowhere to go his staying with OP is indefinite.
You are been blackmailed.
This is not good.
So access to your drandaughter is via blackmail.
Stop all this right now.
Your own daughter is using you.
This is not what a family member who cares would do.
Move this man on before it affects your health and that of your daughter.

It’s good to be kind and considerate. But if you’re doing that and feeling that someone is just taking advantage then they are not deserving of your kindness and consideration. You are absolutely in charge of what’s acceptable in your own home.

Completely agree with everyone else but I will also say you aren’t actually doing him any favours either . Hes not worked out yet like some kind of moron that you do not behave like that . It’s disgusting how he is treating you. Get rid of him and enjoy your house again. Give him notice and if you have to have someone present please do . Any consequences that come from
asking him to leave will be solely his fault and hopefully will settle down in time . But you can’t be blackballed like this like others have said. Bless you for taking him on in the first place but enough is enough. Sending strength x

I would class you and your daughter as vulnerable in this situation, clearly this man has no respect for either of you and needs to go, but in a way that won’t put you both in harms way. Don’t be blackmailed that you won’t see your grandchild, otherwise this arrangement will go on indefinitely. Do you have any male family members or friends who could be there when you ask him to leave?

This needs to stop.

I hope you have used the support you have around you to remove this man, get the locks changed and protect you and your daughter from this situation. Whoever you are helping out has put you in a dreadful position.

This is really messy and you are definitely being taken advantage of.

It sounds like your family member has moved the problem person from her home to your home.

I think this is a dangerous situation for you, your daughter and this male person's other half. Barring orders are not handed out easily and past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour.

Call a domestic abuse centre for advice.

Change the locks and put his bags outside. This is your home not his. Call the police if he gives you trouble.

When you say he told you to shush, do you mean that literally?

You say you aren't being blackmailed - you are. You are being emotionally blackmailed. And I can tell you it won't be worth it. For access to this child, maybe it won't be withdrawn now if you behave, but what will the next ask be and how far will this go. Set yourself free.

Hope you get rid of him ASAP 🤞

Get him out of your immediately. He's not a 'guest', he's someone else's problem & he's been dumped on you & your daughter because you're a soft touch.

Get rid. No other option.

Either he leaves now or learns what being a houseguest is. Tell the family member he needs to buck us his ideas or get out.

The noise, the take-outs, telling you to shush?! are all completely unacceptable behaviour.

Well firstly the only one that is pathetic here is that awful house guest you have with his “ shush “ !!!
How dare he !!
He needs to go , you’re not overreacting at all OP .
He has zero respect for you , your daughter or your home .
You don’t owe any explanation to anyone .
Tell Him he has to go .