What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

If anyone came into my home and told me to shush rather than respect my wishes I am afraid I would see red and kick them out! Especially when you’ve a child in the house (regardless of their age, they are always your child)

Honestly? If I was you I'd kick him out immediately.

From what you've said this is your daughter's boyfriend. He can't stay there or SS will take your grandchild...already means he's bad news.

Mean as it sounds, let him go back there, report it and then have your grandchild yourself. Why people help those who are an obvious derailment for their own children and a danger to their grandchild I will never understand - because he wouldn't have been told to leave if he wasn't posing a risk.

Get him out as quickly as you can, sounds like an entitled shitty person, who takes the piss when someone is putting you up as a favour. Have a friend with you when you turf him out just in case.

Time for him to leave. He's treating you and your daughter like dirt and not making any contribution other than giving you stress. I understand you feel under emotional blackmail but you have done more than enough. I take in (paying) house guests/rent my son's room out from time to time, with his consent of course. They show a great deal more respect than what I'm hearing here. Best of Luck and will feel great to have your home back to yourselves again by the sounds of it.

He's not related to the daughter

Pack his stuff and change the locks. This is unbelievable.

I'm in for the intervention posse!

@WhyAreWeLikeThis

This.

How are you doing, OP? Any update?

A horrible situation to have to deal with, but please do, future you will thank you!

If you are unable to get him to leave I think you need to have a chat with him and set some boundaries. Plus at least a contribution to household bills. I wouldn't be allowing him to extend his stay until the summer.

Hope she's OK x

OMG tell him to go immediately. I’d pack his things and leave them on the doorstep if you’re worried about a confrontation. I’d also cut all contact with the dickhead who you’re doing the favour for. What a bloody cheek they’ve both got. Stop it right now.

@WhyAreWeLikeThisPLEASE tell me you’ve got rid of him

Why did you agree to take him in for nothing?

I've been in this situation a couple of times over the decades. It is unlikely to get better i'm afraid. From my experience it won't be easy getting them out, but persevere with it. You shouldn't have to tolerate this on your own home.

He's a guest not paying tenant so you don't need to give him notice to throw him out, why do you need social media to tell you that, try to get him to go out, change locks, get his crap bagged up, done and dusted, if he can't prove he paid rend he can be on streets tomorrow

Hope you're OK OP,this is a terrible situation to be in xx

You’ve probably had this 50 times on this thread but I’m 43 and play Animal Crossing in bed. I’d play Sims too if I had the time.

I’m not vulnerable.

It's simple. Tell your relative he either pays rent or leaves... or if you would rather he leave, then tell your relative he needs to leave. If your relative says they don't want drama then tell the guy to leave. If he refuses to leave, then tell him you'll call the police. At the end of the day, it's your house.

I'm 53 and not vulnerable - but i'm usually in bed at 8 playing animal crossing too

He needs to go now. You are letting yourself be trodden down in your own home. He's out of his home for a good reason. Now he has to leave yours. It's no good posting here - we can't come and shift him for you. If he won't go quietly, pack his bags when he's in work and pay at for a taxi to deliver them to his place of employment. Get the locks changed and don't let him back in

Is he your grandchild’s father OP?

Pick his bags and whilst he’s at wit change the locks. I’d also consider telling the police. Get him out of your house right now he’s totally taking the piss. Let him stay with your relative

He's not a guest, he's a freeloading parasite. A coukoo in your nest. Get him out & out fast. If you tell him to go & he won't call the police

Sounds like the guest and person who talked you into having the guest have got what they wanted and now the foots under the door they couldnt care less about his awful behaviour and attitude
Id tell him to leave straight away and if he doesn't then contact the police.they can escort hin iff the property

He's taking the piss! Evict ASAFP!!