Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

"willing to bet she knows of your efforts and looks forward to doing damage every Christmas"

GreyBeeplus3, you need to change the people you're surrounding yourself with if you actually know people who think like that.

Maybe stop gifting - it’s so silly, most people are better at choosing their own stuff.

Check the gift you intend to give on Vinted and make sure whatever it is doesn't sell well- or buy it back and give it to her again-she'll get message.

Our younger daughter was notorious for regifting just about every gift she received, so several years ago we told her we weren't doing Christmas or birthday presents any more. It works very well; not only is Christmas remarkably stress-free, but we're not wasting money on presents no-one wants.

I'm in the minority but I really don't think she's doing anything wrong.
You are giving her random stuff that she doesn't want.
She either gives them to chartiy or sells them. Which wouldn't you want her to get some money for them?

Just don't give her gifts at all. I'd message the group right now (assuming you have a family group chat or individually if not) and say you are only doing gifts for kids from now on.

For celebrations, i fyou feel you must celebrate or want to, pay for experiences instead - offer to take her to the movies or for a meal or something similar.

Give her a voucher next year. What you see as thoughtful gifts she sees as unwanted.

Ask her what she wants then say, or woukd you rather I gift you something to sell on Vinted?

Yes totally agree or bulk it up with a food gift if you must. I’ll just get them out when we have guests.

my SIL has a £20 limit on people and she asked what I wanted. I love molton brown shower gels & they cost roughly £18 a bottle at the time. Told her that’s what I’d like. She called me up a few days later and said she couldn’t justify spending that much on shower gel & it looked insignificant (I get her point but it’s a gift) and she’s got me a few bits instead despite me saying I knew the value of the gift and it wouldn’t matter. This consisted of a normal shower gel gift set I tend to buy, chocolates & a hot chocolate gift set. The issue with these presents was I wasn’t wowed by the shower gel, the chocolates were put amongst the Christmas treats and I didn’t even have one & I don’t like hot chocolate. It ended up being thrown away at my next spring clean as the date had expired. The issue is she just wasted that £20 instead of allowing me a little bit of joy & guilty pleasure a few minutes a day just because she didn’t get it. Some people just aren’t good gift givers. She may think I’m not a good gift giver to

Give NOTHING next time.

We take time and thought with gifts.

I'm sure you do, OP, but if she's selling them on you've obviously missed the mark. That's disappointing, obviously, as we all try our best, but equally everyone misfires at some point.

The sensible thing is to either stop exchanging gifts at all or to stick to only what she's asked form saves you money and her hassle.

I would either say
Oh i noticed you put the xmas gift i gave you on vinted, i still have the receipt if you want to exchange it?
(If you do have the receipt!)
Or say nothing.
Next year ask if there is anything they would like for xmas, or just do gift vouchers.

Its hard when you put a lot of thought into something and it misses the mark but ultimately better they get something they want.
What do they normally give you?
Often the gifts people give are the clue to what they would like themselves.

I would be more cross if she was selling gifts you gave nephews/nieces, if shes selling her own gift i might be momentary upset but wouldnt mind as much! Defintely stop putting so much effort into your gifts to her in future.

give her a charity gift..eg Oxfam well or a goat..you pay your £25 and oxfam send her a pack telling her how her gift to a family in the 3rd world have benefitted from her gift. ..

that way she 'receives' a gift but cant sell it on..

if she questions your choice of gift.. you can honestly tell her you have realised she is so fortunate as to not need a physical gift as you've seen her sell on things you have given her, and realised what a wonderful and priviledged situation she's in. As she's 'such a lucky and thoughtful' person (!) you know she'd 'just love' this idea... ( do this with absolute sincerity and without a hint of sarcasm...) It's incredibly satisfying...

I would laugh. Good on them!

Clearly she wants the money, which is fine- but it makes much more sense to just not exchange gifts-you keep your money, we keep ours. Why go through the charade of gift giving ?It is wasteful and pointless.

Give her a gift receipt she probably doesn’t like them.

This is exactly how mu mother thinks, i am like you think presents should be something you want or need but wouldn't buy for your self, that gives you joy, like your MB shower gel. She will ask what i want but then say i am not buying x y z for you, But i asked for X, Y or Z ??? So why ask then? So i got perfume make up etc that i didnt use, like or want.
Thankfully this year everyone listened to me, and i have just opened a box of lovely bubble bath (Neom with Magnesium that cost about 40e normally) that i bought with vouchers i got at xmas, and its something i would never ever buy myself normally but am so looking forward to a bath this eve :) As sad as that makes me sound 😂

Please do tell me what's passive aggressive drama (I presume that's what you mean by PA) in this?
I literally said match her energy and give her vouchers. Which is what you've also just said to do...
If OP wants to talk to the SIL about it, great. If she doesn't, then great. She made the decision to post here, and title her thread, "what would you do?"

Not sure why you've appointed yourself the thread police? And telling off people who are literally just responding to OPs direct question. Such strange behaviour.

🤣🤣

There is no need to give gifts at Christmas! Such a waste of time and effort. The gift of presence, nice food and drink is enough. Give kids presents they definitely want or need, or give them money. This exchange of ‘stuff and things’ is a nonsense idea, trying to come up with an idea of what someone wants. We do experiences, special gifts actually people want. None of that must give a gift for the sake of it nonsense.

Hi Sarah
Ive noticed some of our gifts appearing on vinted. This is upsetting to us as we have clearly got you things you don’t like or need and obviously we feel dishearted as we thought we were putting thought, time and effort into your presents. To avoid this could you give us a list of things you want and will use or shall we just give you a voucher of your choice? Love you. Emma

I agree, it should be something we really want or need! I once asked for a gift from my ex, something I really wanted. He got me something completely different, a bracelet, I’m not into lots of jewellery, also gifted me the exact same style of earrings 3 years in a row almost identical, a style I hadn’t worn for 20 years. So gifts can make you feel like the person didn’t listen or know you. I’d rather get nothing in that case.

That’s a terrible message, total lack of emotional intelligence there. Put it this way, it will ruin your relationship.
Particularly this:
This is upsetting to us as we have clearly got you things you don’t like or need and obviously we feel dishearted as we thought we were putting thought, time and effort into your presents.

Exactly - My own mother gave my husband last year a voucher for a shopping center, it was a 2 hour drive to it plus after 20 years of being with me she bloody knows the man detests shopping, he is hard set to go to the local shop let alone a shopping center 😂 it was like do you know him at all 🤔i sold it on to someone else - for less than the voucher was worth as never would use it

I agree, it's so over the top!! And will make her feel terrible and make her feel guilty. It's really shitty to say these things. Just don't say a anything! But next year give money or vouchers!