Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

I’d suggest you stop exchanging gifts - I’d be quite disheartening to see stuff being sold off - it spoils the joy of giving! Tell her in plenty of time so you no longer buy for birthdays or Christmas.

Simple: just stop gifting them with gifts.
If they have the nerve to ask why; tell them.

This makes me think of the type of stuff my DM gets me. Keyrings / mugs etc that are lovely but I just don’t need them. She gets then because she loves me. I them stick them in a drawer because o don’t want them. I don’t want to ask her to stop as it would upset her, but I wish she would!

You could always set up a vinted account under another name and buy one of her items and gift it back to her. That might be funny.

Probably more grown up to stop the gifts or get vouchers though

Either
1.Agree no gifts
2.Give her money/vouchers
3.Ask her what she'd want and buy that and nothing else.

Don't pretend to know what she would like better than she does herself.
You may have put thought into gifts, but you still didn't get her something she wanted to keep.

Give her cash next time with a note to say you know about the Vinted 'thing'

I think you're very rude to think you have any say in what she does with them. Once given they belong to her and you say nothing.

She obviously doesn't want /like them or would rather have the money. Would you rather she has a drawer full of stuff she felt she had to keep?

This is valuable insight, most people regift or send to a charity shop so you'd never know. Stop buying or buy consumables or ask what she'd most like.

The simple answer is not to give her gifts. Or give her consumables (chocolate, wine, restaurant vouchers - but if vouchers make sure they are things she will actually use)

You say they are thoughtful gifts, and clearly you put thought into it, but does SIL want "things"? If she said "thank you for the gift" then that is all done and dusted: it is hers to do with as she wishes.

If you think you can talk to her about it without causing an atmosphere, why not ask if she would prefer that you all knock gift giving on the head? maybe go out for lunch, coffee, a walk, whatever, together at another time?

If she didn't thank you for the gifts? just don't give her any more. She can hardly complain, can she? and if she does, you can shrug it away.

This…

Tbh id be miffed but get it. I have gifts I don't want that ive shoved to the back of a drawer at the moment.
Im thinking in the summer im going to suggest to my family/relatives we don't do gifts for over 18s going forward and hope to hell they agree. Christmases more about getting together for me but appreciate the kids probably want and expect gifts. Maybe suggest instead of spending on each other, a family meal at a restaurant the week before/during/after Xmas.

My partners family have up buying 10 years ago and do a secret santa when the family get together at some point running upto Xmas with a top price of £15. This years was all organised non an app so completely hassle free and people could.put what sort of thing they would like if they wanted.
Typically I get gifts like a nicer than normal.shower gel, foldable tote bag, ice scraper and de icer for car. Actually quite useful stuff that isn't going to languish at back of a drawer or end up on Vinted.

Did you include gift receipts so she could exchange things?

My DD got given three dance mats this christmas. She already had a dance mat. So yes I've sold them on vinted and given her the money so she can buy something else.

Or behave like an adult and talk to her?

Let her know you've see them. Tell her it's disgustingly rude and never buy them anything ever again.

Have you got anything you were planning to sell on Vinted anyway? Give her that. 😁

A friend of 20 plus years bought me something that I genuinley cannot fathom her thought process on. They are items that I have never shown ant interest in, infact opposite. I do know someone who has an interest in that area however so would be regifting them, otherwise they'd go to the charity shop.

Not everything that you buy people is their interest and if it is it could be something they already have.

Once you give it to them it stops being your property and is up to them to keep/donate/sell/use as they see fit.

Failing that, if it really upsets you, float an idea now so there is enough notice that you won't buy for each other anymore

Don’t buy her anything

Let her know you have seen the gifts on vinted and tell her you want to make sure you only buy things they will use so say next year you will ask her to provide suggestions.

Re what’s already done id just let it go. But she obviously doesn’t feel able to say anything so just give her a voucher or food gifts.
I know not everyone has time for the but we give all the adults made gifts. Not shells stuck on a plant pot or anything grim but this year it was sloe or damson gin that we made and holly bushes that dp grew. Last year they got avocado plants that I grew in glass yoghurt pots on the windowsill from stones from ones we ate.
it wouldn’t bother me if that stuff was regifted either or goes to the school tombola it wasn’t expensive. However my manager was drinking the gin the same night I have it to her and my lovely neighbour was v excited about the holly!

Give her gift vouchers instead, or food/drink based gifts
Some people aren’t that fussed about gifts and having “stuff” - I would rather buy things I need for myself tbh stuff that is exactly what I would want. My mum bought me a lovely scarf for Christmas, I’ll use it and I appreciate the thought of course but it’s a colour that doesn’t really suit me and I wouldn’t have chosen.

I have also sold unwanted gifts on Vinted before now.

I appreciate the thought and the gesture but if someone buys me a gift that isn't to my taste or I will not use what would they prefer I do with it? Keep it out of obligation taking up space in my house?

I'd rather sell it on if I can to get some money for it which is still a gift in itself. If I can't sell it I'll donate.

Really the way to stop this is to agree just small token presents, gift vouchers, money or to stop exchanging gifts. We've done similar in my family which has really lowered the volume of unwanted gifts.

But my DM will not stop buying me clothes despite me saying I would rather choose clothes myself. It's not that she has put no thought into it, but they're a matter of personal taste and don't necessarily always fit. So now I put them straight onto Vinted with no guilt whatsoever and with the money I make I buy myself something I want.

What do you want her to do with unwanted gifts then? Let them clutter up the house. You’ve given the gift, you don’t need to think about it anymore. If you bought her chocolates, would you monitor how many she ate in a sitting?!

Give her any old thing in future she isn't appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

I'd probably shop in charity shops and get vintage household stuff. At least the charity gains from the purchases.

If this is happening, is it time to suggest only buying small things and kids only going forwards. Give the presents to the kids directly 2&, ask them what they want (15/20 limit)-she's unlikely to sell them when the kids have opened them and know what they are.

What sort of things are you buying them? What sort of things are they buying you?

I'd say let's stop gifts for adults. She either doesn't like it, can't stand extra clutter or really needs the money. If it's smellies some people cannot use certain scents or formulas as they react to them.

If she's selling the children's toys too, unless they are duplicates or actually something the DC don't like then I would go down the giving money route.

I do know someone who actively donates and sells their children's toys and her own and her DH's gifts because it doesn't fit her "aesthetic". She is a "decanter" and decants all her consumables into glass jars. She won't allow play dough, slime, crafting items, paint, glitter or sequins in her house as they are "messy". She also doesn't do plastic toys. We don't buy gifts for each other or each others children but I know all her family just give her children money and don't gift for her or DH.

How did you come across them on Vinted? Did you suspect she was selling them?