Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

It's vinted and she's not short of cash.

Not read the full thread so likely already suggested - but if you enjoy the searching for the “perfect” gift aspect why not include the gift receipt? That way you had the pleasure of the shopping, and if it doesn’t hit the mark, or it’s a duplicate, or she is happy for store credit somewhere, she can always return it.

If you find the shopping element a chore, I agree with the first posters who suggested simply asking her what she would like or give her vouchers.

You are very observant to even notice, when I look at places like Vinted I never note any seller's name unless I am going to buy from them (and often not even then).

She may sell the gifts because they are duplicated, it's surely not mean to do that.

I wouldn't say anything to her, that will embarrass her. I have no doubt she appreciates the thought you put into your gifts but nobody wants two or three of the same thing. Children often end up with that.

Someone else suggested a food hamper or voucher in future and that sounds good, so are beautiful flowers and plants.

Don't give her presents she can sell on. My ex sil sold some maternity clothes she had borrowed from me. I had said at the time that I wanted them back as I had just found out I was expecting again.

My SIL is the same. I think I’ve bought her a lovely gift for example a Jo malone candle etc (she loves candles) but she googles the value & thinks she’s quite happy with a cheaper candle & sells the expensive one to get the money. I don’t buy her anymore. Her H will buy her the perfume she likes so I just give money or vouchers. Just because I think I’ve bought thoughtful gifts doesn’t mean they think I have & id rather they did sell or re gift it than to waste money

I sold a gift from my SIL and BIL this year. Due to a communication breakdown they bought me the wrong version of something I had asked for but they bought it ages ago so I presumed it wasn't returnable. I sold theirs on Vinted to go towards the cost of having to buy the right one for myself, rather then make them feel bad by mentioning it.

My DM is also not great in terms of buying random stuff she thinks is "fun" but that I will never use and I just don't have space in the house for it. I would rather these things went to someone who will use/enjoy them than sit gathering dust in my cupboard. Once the gift is given, it's really up to the recipient what they do with it. Agree that you should ask what they want next year or buy vouchers.

I think you should stop giving her presents or give her a voucher for something she can’t sell like a day out with you!

I wouldnt be offended, rather embarassed i didnt buy a gift that she likes. Next timd i would get her a voucher. No offence :)

So you can go on vinted and see what she is selling?

It’s a gift. You can’t control what she does with it. Don’t spend so much time on it or give an Amazon voucher.

or just agree to stop giving gifts to each other and donate to a charity of each other’s choice

One persons trash is another's treasure and all that.

You think what you've given is a well thought out gift, she may not agree and it is now hers to do as she pleases as it now belongs to her. She doesn't want it taking up space in her house so her options are a) chuck it, b) donate it, c) regift to someone else or d) sell it and buy something she needs with the proceeds.

I personally have no issue with selling on. Probably prefer that to regifting(unless really upfront about it when passing on) and a waste to chuck away stuff others would use. She may really love something that you think is really generic. It always baffles me what some people like (but I get that they probably feel the same about me)

It may feel odd (and I do get why you do), but she's done it on vinted as she thought you wouldn't see, rather than Facebook where you might. I'd say nothing. Buy her chocolate or a bottle of something next year.

One thing I was curious about. How do you know she puts the labels back on clothing she has worn? Have you seen her in those outfits or do you assume that about everyone selling the stuff with the tags on?

Make an offer on what she's selling, see if you accepts and let's you collect.
She would get gift vouchers in future and all the others in family. I'd put gift voucher in a decent sized box, see if she tries selling gift voucher if she does, then give her zero the following year.

The chances are she's selling them because they're generic or just not what she/they like/need. People don't ask what people actually want and make guesses and then get offended when they've guessed wrong.

Op either explicitly ask and listen or accept you'll probably get it wrong

Once it’s given it’s not really up to you what happens to the gifts.

Saying that, I’d probably stop altogether or move over to a gift card. How many gifts is she getting as an adult? I’d think birthday and Christmas at most.

It might seem like a nice/thoughtful gift to you but it doesn’t mean it is to her. My tree is embarrassingly full (we don’t have kids so just for us) of gifts from DH side of the family and I have to donate 95% of them each year. We’d rather the adults didn’t buy for each other and we just got for the kids, but they persist despite our pleas.

People can do whatever they want with gifts. Just give vouchers next time.

Christmas used to be about buying thoughtful gifts for people, maybe finding out what they'd like during the year and then getting it as a surprise. But now it seems to be all about lists or money and people have so much stuff they don't need more. Christmas just becomes a winter shopping festival and we end up with depleted bank accounts and things we don't need.

I dislike giving vouchers because people know how much I've spent! It's nice to get something that looks as if it cost a lot but didn't!

My mum never asks me what I'd like and instead gets me 'things she'd like me to have!' I don't want to be ungrateful so I just keep them, but I know her friends regift her stuff which upsets her.

I definitely think Christmas needs simplifying.

What did you give her? We might agree

In families with lots of adults it's a good idea to do a Secret Santa so each person buys and receives one gift. Do very detailed wish lists and set a spending cap.

Ooooo ... what did u buy her?

What's her vinted user name lol

I'd give her something with a Charity Shop label still attached.

If you gift someone a present, surely it’s theirs to do with as they please. If you choose to buy something cheaper or give less presents, then that’s your choice but you don’t get to dictate what someone does with presents they are given. They are clearly unwanted or she is using the money for something else.

My SIL has done this for years. EBay, car boot sales, vinted anything and everything sold to fund the “luxury lifestyle”. I started giving everyone vouchers instead, and now the children are grown up I just bank transfer money into their accounts for birthdays/Christmas.

How did you see it for sale on Vinted?

I think people are a lot more ‘hard up’ than we realise these days and especially when they have small children even more so

and storage space in the home is often limited and it’s nice to live more of a minimalist lifestyle sometimes

so whilst I can see why it has upset you as it would me, I think that she clearly needs the money and the space and she’s managing her family’s inventory as best as she can

In future I’d give the whole family a gift of a tin of shortbread & a tin of quality streets!