Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

My niece has done the same with handmade baby gifts and silver christening mementos.
Felt like a slap in the face really. Feel your pain.

Just mutually agree to stop the gifts; she’ll probably be relieved. I’ve just sold on Vinted a small beauty item that was gifted to me. A product I never use, by a brand I don’t use. At least selling on Vinted stops items going into landfill, as the item is purchased by someone who actually wants it.

Why? Just out of spite, to add something to landfill that can’t even be used again?

Buy them and gift them back to her 😂

Depends whether she sells them straight away (not great) or after a while when they may not be used anymore. If the latter then I think it’s helping the environment and decluttering her house, it does depend on the gift though.

Exactly this.

Gifts don’t come with conditions, once you give it to someone they can do whatever they want with it.

Definitely DO NOT discuss what you have found out about her selling presents on vinted. It will end in argument/hurt feelings/bad feelings.
Just stop doing presents. Say you are cutting back and leave it there.
Or regift her some tatt.
But don't take her on about it.

I am not sure I understand what the outrage is. I take 90% of the bath/ shower/ toiletry type items I receive and donate them to a local women’s refuge. I will sell anything I receive duplicates of on Vinted. Each person has been given a very heartfelt thanks from me but I cannot own this much stuff. I just don’t have the space to keep multiples of everything. I have 26 scarves in a bag ready for the charity shop (not all gifts from this year but over the last 3-4 years I’ve obviously hit the scarf age) 😂.

I have received two pairs of pyjamas in the wrong size - what would you like your SIL to do? I imagine many family members/ friends will be doing the same. I don’t see the outrage. She sells the gift and could do something with the cash. I couldn’t be upset about this. If I give someone a gift, I honestly do not care what they do with it. I’d be disappointed if I knew they had chucked it in the bin versus charity shop/ selling but it’s not mine to dictate what people do with their gift.

It's interesting that I've found this thread as I was about to put some Christmas presents on vinted. My reasoning is that it's stuff we don't want or need, whilst the thought is appreciated, space is tight. We could put the money towards something we would use.

Is it better to give it to charity than to sell?

Give her nothing and expect nothing back
I think if you ask what she'd like it's possibly going to be something ridiculous or nigh on impossible to get
Also willing to bet she knows of your efforts and looks forward to doing damage every Christmas via this scenario of passive aggressiveness
You sure she really likes you?

Why does it make a difference to sell it straight away or after let's say 3 months if she knows right away she won't be using the gift? The outcome is the same.

This happens with me too! Say my favourite animal is a giraffe- I just like them. That doesn't mean I want my whole house full of novelty giraffe items.

I think it's fine. If the gifts you got her are unwanted or not useful to her, should she just store them to spare your feelings? This is the exact reason I either make a wish list and tell people what I'd like, or ask others what they would like. That way nothing gets spent or wasted unnecessarily!
Each year my MIL gives me thoughtful but totally useless gifts, which just clutter up my home and don't get used - most go to charity. I made an amazon wishlist this year to avoid, but lo and behold I got one item from it, and the rest was stuff I genuinely will not use and is all going straight to charity. What a total waste of money and time.

My friend also bought me a rather expensive perfume. She was so chuffed with herself and was excited for me to open it. Honestly, I can't stand the smell! I won't use it. But I don't want to hurt her feelings by giving it back to her as she spent more than usual and said she was treating me etc. so I will wait a couple months, then sell on Vinted and use the money to get something I can actually use.

I really hate the pointless gift exchanges.

I agree with PP.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful but unless it's something I've specifically asked for for myself or my children, I probably don't want it cluttering up my house.

My kids are the only ones on my OH's side so far, we get a lot of gifts not only from their actual grandparents, great grandparents and aunties/uncles, but from my in laws extended family too! It's lovely that they care for my children, but we live in a tiny house and we ran out of room to store excess toys long ago. I've made this very clear, but no one listens! I don't sell them on Vinted but I do donate them to charity shops. I don't feel good about it, but I have to be realistic about what I can fit in my home! It's basically a one in one out situation here now.

They do get great gifts for me though, vouchers for shops I like or fancy chocolate, which is always welcome!

It's lovely that you put time and thought into the gifts you buy, but direct that energy to your OH/kids where I'm sure it'll be appreciated. Maybe gift giving/receiving is one of your top love languages? Sounds like it's low on your SIL's love languages which is why she ruthlessly puts them on Vinted (which surely she knows you can see?!).

Buy her gifts off vinted/ ebay, save yourselves a fortune. Then if she complains just say, that you are not going to spend money on presents she is going to sell straight away or give her vouchers

Last year was the first year my family have been genuinely delighted by my gifts. The secret? I asked what they wanted and gave them exactly that.

I'm one of those for whom the pleasure really is in the giving - I've realised pathetically late in life that this has translated into a kind of selfishness where I enjoy thinking about what they'd like, searching for ideas, picking the right thing, and imagining their happy surprise. Except the last part rarely happened quite as pictured 😳

It's much less fun to just click on a link and pay. Way faster, though - and way more enjoyable to get actual happy feedback!

Yeah, just stop giving

This.
its not her fault she doesn’t like them.

Some mental gymnastics here

Either give gift vouchers or buy the gifts from a store where you can buy a large range of items e.g. John Lewis (other store exists too) & get a gift receipt to enclose with the present. That way they can exchange it & use the value to exchange for something they want or need e.g. their favourite perfume, make up, etc.

Give her a food/ biscuit hamper that she can’t sell on

Does she tell you she’s going to sell it on vinted? How have you found out? Buy your gift from her vinted post and see what she says 😂. But seriously, I wouldn’t actually do that myself so I think I would either have a conversation about changing gifting in the future, or just quietly change your style of gift into something plain and unthoughtful as she doesn’t appreciate your effort x

£5 in a card from now on. Job done.

Imo, most adult gifts are unwanted. We all have too much stuff.

Oh dear OP but I do this. I appreciate it's hurtful for your gifts not to be appreciated but do you ask her what she would like or needs? my relatives don't. I'm a SAHM and have been for two years so the money helps.