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Original poster

DH asked about vasectomy - GP said what if you wife dies in a car crash!

191 replies

pontipinemum · 15/12/2025 10:23

I know a vasectomy is not something to be done without full consideration but when DH recently went to the GP to ask about going for one, the GP told him he needs to consider all possibilities.

Including - what will you do if your wife dies in a car crash!

I presume he means what would DH do if that did happen and he met a younger woman and wanted children.

DH is 42, I am 37 our DC are 3 and 1. We are completely done! If the worst was to happen to DH, or if we just divorced (hugely unlikely) that wouldn't change the fact I am finished having DC. I certainly don't think I'd be looking for a man to have more babies with.

Anyone else think it was a bit funny?

OP posts:
QPZM · 15/12/2025 10:54

pontipinemum · 15/12/2025 10:50

I do know that it is something that needs HUGE consideration and that it is something that should never be undertaken lightly.

Our 2nd DS is now 16 months old so we waited to be sure. I do give DH my opinion when he asks, but ultimately it will be his decision.

If it was a simpler process I'd get it done myself. Because regardless of what happens with DH I know I do not want anymore DC. If a new partner did, that would not be the right partner for me.

If DH did die though, I doubt finding a new man and having babies would be a high priority for me

Why are you taking it all so personally? 🤦‍♀️

It's a completely standard question but you're making it all about you.

I don't understand why you can see that?

Comedycook · 15/12/2025 10:55

I think it's a very sensible question

DonicaLewinsky · 15/12/2025 10:57

It's a totally legitimate question to ask someone who's considering getting themselves done, male or female.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
stayok · 15/12/2025 10:57

Perfectly reasonable question- it’s just a way of saying that life doesn’t always pan out as we imagine so think about all eventualities, even the remote ones.

awrbc81 · 15/12/2025 10:57

I think it’s a very tactless way of making sure your DH has considered all scenarios

Newsenmum · 15/12/2025 10:58

I guess it depends on his answer. If he has to think about it then maybe a vasectomy isnt for him.

topcat2014 · 15/12/2025 10:59

A friend was slightly coerced into one at about 36. Now exw asked for a divorce 3 months later. He did have DC already, but it did scupper his relationship choices subsequently. Stayed single in the end, we are mid fifties now.

So, probably right that the question is asked even if poorly phrased

ReignOfError · 15/12/2025 10:59

AllPlayedOut · 15/12/2025 10:47

I’d hope that they do ask women considering sterilisation because it’s a perfectly valid question and something that should genuinely be considered.

Show quote history

They asked me. And they also asked if I was certain I wouldn’t want more children if one of mine died. I think it’s reasonable to check that people are giving due consideration to what is essentially an irreversible decision.

I was more pissed off with the hospital doctors trying to convince me I was too young at 31, whereas if I’d had another child and my third section, I could have been sterilised at the same time, as much as 7 years earlier.

BlackCatFanClub · 15/12/2025 10:59

My friend has 5 children, they asked her (now ex) husband the same. He’s a bit of a crap father too and the last thing he needed was more children.
He decided he was too scared so she had her tubes tied and she had to fight for that in case ‘she changed her mind’ her last child was an accident.

BarLines · 15/12/2025 11:04

pontipinemum · 15/12/2025 10:50

I do know that it is something that needs HUGE consideration and that it is something that should never be undertaken lightly.

Our 2nd DS is now 16 months old so we waited to be sure. I do give DH my opinion when he asks, but ultimately it will be his decision.

If it was a simpler process I'd get it done myself. Because regardless of what happens with DH I know I do not want anymore DC. If a new partner did, that would not be the right partner for me.

If DH did die though, I doubt finding a new man and having babies would be a high priority for me

The doctor was talking to your DH though, who is a separate person to you.

tbh it’s exactly reason I would have never asked my DH to have the snip. I’m a bit mind boggled that you think it’s so outrageous.

frozendaisy · 15/12/2025 11:04

H's GP asked him what would you do if you got divorced and met a younger woman, he said I would say "let's try"

Bit tackless in the question perhaps but they have to ask it one way or another.

At the time our youngster was 6 months old. H didn't want anymore children with anyone.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 15/12/2025 11:06

Slightly off-topic, but in a similar vein, my DH had this when seeing a solicitor about his will. He wanted to leave a sum of money to his DGD and avoid it going to his DIL (complicated family). The solicitor asked who should the money go to if DGD dies before you, or before she is 18.

DH was so upset at thinking about DGD dying, he left and never went back to that solicitor, which to my mind was a bit of an over-reaction on his part, as this is just the sort of thing that has to be thought-through when making a will, and the reason you employ a solicitor instead of filling out a DIY will form.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 15/12/2025 11:07

I know I am looking at this too literally. I can be like that.

But I just think if I was to die he would suddenly become the sole parent for 2 DC. He wouldn't have time for another child.

Now if we were to divorce, that would be totally different and something he does need to consider.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/12/2025 11:07

DH told the doctor we’re were done because we have three. They said we might split up and DH’s response was “I’ll still have three children though…”

InSpainTheRain · 15/12/2025 11:07

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question from the GP, although your DP is a bit of an arse for sharing it. If someone is having a vasectomy they should think through what will happen if their current relationship doesn't last, or they lost a child. Better to have the question now and use it to help come to a considered answer re the vasectomy.

PersephoneParlormaid · 15/12/2025 11:09

After we’d had our second child, one boy and one girl, the GP offered to refer DH for a vasectomy while we were at the 6 week check !!! I said no thanks, we’re not done yet 😂

BingBongMerrilyWithPie · 15/12/2025 11:09

They have about 7 mins to figure out if you have really thought it through.

It's harsh I know, but if you haven't got to a place where you can be a bit hard headed and talk about this stuff, perhaps you are not ready to have the sterilisation. They need to gather evidence on a very short timeframe.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 15/12/2025 11:10

Perfectly normal question and something he should consider. I asked my husband how he might feel if I and our children were killed in an accident and if he might want to have more children. He thought about it before going for his vasectomy.

Ebok1990 · 15/12/2025 11:10

whatdoyouthink123456 · 15/12/2025 10:37

I have heard this line of questioning is fairly standard. It obviously isn’t very tactful but they want people to consider how they would feel if life circumstances change.
I have heard examples like: ‘what if your wife leaves you?’ ‘What if your current children die?’ Etc.

Then the doctor should say, have you fully considered potential changes to your life circumstances in the future. It's not hard to be tactful. There are millions of words available. Chose more appropriate ones.

Comedycook · 15/12/2025 11:12

pontipinemum · 15/12/2025 11:07

I know I am looking at this too literally. I can be like that.

But I just think if I was to die he would suddenly become the sole parent for 2 DC. He wouldn't have time for another child.

Now if we were to divorce, that would be totally different and something he does need to consider.

A father of three at my dcs school lost his wife...within six months he was shacked up with a mum from the school

DonicaLewinsky · 15/12/2025 11:14

Ebok1990 · 15/12/2025 11:10

Then the doctor should say, have you fully considered potential changes to your life circumstances in the future. It's not hard to be tactful. There are millions of words available. Chose more appropriate ones.

Show quote history

No, being more blunt and straightforward is better because the more you complicate something, the greater the likelihood that some people will misunderstand it. This is actually really important in medicine. It's why stuff like using person with cervix instead of woman is so unhelpful.

Iheartguacamole · 15/12/2025 11:16

I’ve done some work in fertility healthcare and have met several men who had vasectomies previously but then, with new partners, were trying to make babies. The GP has a duty to discuss possible scenarios with men who are seeking vasectomies.

Onetimeusername1 · 15/12/2025 11:16

I get it, the GP should only have concern for his patient but...Christ on a cracker, I think there should be some balance and wider context included in the statement. Something along the lines of: but what would happen if your wife died in an accident and your grieving children only had you and you decide you want to divert your attention/time to pursuing a new woman and divide your attention/time further by having more children.

Onetimeusername1 · 15/12/2025 11:19

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/12/2025 11:07

DH told the doctor we’re were done because we have three. They said we might split up and DH’s response was “I’ll still have three children though…”

And that should be the standard Dad reaction but unfortunately probably isn't.

Yousay55 · 15/12/2025 11:19

I would hope that as a grown man asking for a vasectomy, he would have considered everything without needing the go to ask a question like that. Having a vasectomy means no more children with anyone.