DH asked about vasectomy - GP said what if you wife dies in a car crash!

[pontipinemum]

I know a vasectomy is not something to be done without full consideration but when DH recently went to the GP to ask about going for one, the GP told him he needs to consider all possibilities.

Including - what will you do if your wife dies in a car crash!

I presume he means what would DH do if that did happen and he met a younger woman and wanted children.

DH is 42, I am 37 our DC are 3 and 1. We are completely done! If the worst was to happen to DH, or if we just divorced (hugely unlikely) that wouldn't change the fact I am finished having DC. I certainly don't think I'd be looking for a man to have more babies with.

Anyone else think it was a bit funny?

@Cynic17 Yes, it has to be his decision, just as it would be the woman’s if she had her tubes tied.

Many years ago, before DS2 was born, I was at our then GP’s lying down awaiting some sort of check up.
He took a phone call, clearly from a hospital, discussing for how many vasectomies he could be booked.
They wanted to allow him only 20 minutes per patient.
He argued for needing 30 minutes,
‘Otherwise you need too much of a snatch and grab technique’ .

Not the first time I've heard this. I find it so weird that doctors can't understand that there are actually men out there who are done with havin kids. They are not doing just for theit wife.
Quite a few middle aged men who suddenly have become single parents are not exactly looking forward to having kire kids.

Well my first husband died when I was 38. We had a child aged 3. I then met the man who became my husband and adopted DS. We certainly considered adding to our family, but decided against TTC, which was fine. But equally TTC could have been good too. I know several men who have started second families in their forties and fifties, mostly post-divorce, but in one case following bereavement.

so no, I wouldn’t rule it out in the event that you pre-deceased DH while he was still relatively young-ish.

They asked that when my ex had a vasectomy in 1978. You’d think it would have moved on a bit by now. 🙄

@Rewis so when a man asks for a vasectomy referral, do you think GPs should just say “OK”, and send the referral? Without asking any questions at all?

@Boomer55 in what way exactly?

I agree with you.
All they have to do is make sure they’ve explained that it’s a procedure that’s very difficult to reverse and that the decision to do it is not to be taken lightly. It’s unnecessary and patronising to give examples in order to illustrate their point and that particular question is in bad taste imo.
btw I knew you were going to be Irish. GPs here are notorious for saying inappropriate things like this.
Some of things that were said to the victims of the cervical check scandal/ their family members were shocking and disgusting.
I was discussing the possibility of having to have a general anaesthetic with my gp once and he said “at least if you die you won’t know anything about it”.
I asked him for advice on how to lose weight on medication on another occasion and he said “why bother? Sure, the pope is a fat and doesn’t he have a great life, not a bother on him”
I had a problem with frequent bladder infections at one stage and when he walked me out he shouted after me “no more swinging out of the chandeliers now” in front of everybody in the waiting room.

They're not saying they 'don't understand' at all. They're making sure that the person they're about to permanently sterilise has fully considered their choice. I'm a doctor and when I'm seeing people wanting this procedure I can tell you hand on heart that I really don't give a shit whether you choose to have it or not. My job is not to persuade you either way it's to make sure that you're making a fully informed choice without coertion. That's literally the extent of my investment in your contraceptive choices.

I think the clearer a GP can spell it out, the better. It was exactly what my XH was asked. It's a reasonable question

Well, I don’t know - just the assumption that any future partner would want kids I suppose. Life has moved on since the 70’s.

Just what every grieving child needs, younger half siblings.

people move on, but if you are a parent, you move on responsibly. All the more reason to have a vasectomy.

@Boomer55 it’s not an assumption of anything. It’s ascertaining that the man has fully considered his choice, weighing up the pros and cons, and being mindful of unforeseen outcomes. As people should with any medical procedure, or indeed any major life decision.

You’re going to have to trust me on this, because I’ve been a GP for nearly 30 years so I’ve seen a LOT of patients. There is a huge range of comprehension of biology. Some people genuinely believe that a vasectomy is as reversible as a haircut.

No one expects to be widowed or divorced, and most people don’t consider how they would feel if it happened, unless prompted to do so.

That's not why that particular example is, "unhelpful".

@BerryTwister Yes, I think there’s a mythology that vasectomies can so easily be reversed, no problem. My understanding is that the longer it’s been since the original operation, the harder it is so there’s really no guarantees.

Equally though, if a man is positive that he’s completed his family, it can be a good decision.

And it absolutely needs to be made clear to the patient that it should be viewed as permanent.

DH is viewing it as a one way street.