DH resents that I don't drive.

[JustineTim]

I have my license but hardly drive. I hate it. I always have. I get soooo anxious and dread it I can't park for toffee which makes me more anxious as I worry about parking once I get somewhere. I just don't have the spatial awareness. I only drive when I have to eg school run which I don't even need to do anymore as kids catch a bus now. So now I hardly drive.

I was in the car with DH after picking up my little one from holiday club and he just sort of said out of the blue. I wish I was in the back and you were driving. I said okay but will you help me how to park. That's the worst part. He said, no, you've got a license, do it yourself. Then my little one joined in the conservation asking why I didn't drive. I agreed and said I know, mummy doesn't drive and then he piped up with "you proud of that are you?. I was hurt and told him to stop being mean. He then accused me of turning it on him like he was the one doing something wrong.

I left it at that but feel quite hurt by it really. I personally don't ask for lifts from him as I generally don't need to. Everything is quite accessible. Maybe he has a point, maybe I should drive and do all the driving. But I think it hurt more as I do literally everything in the house and work ft and do all the kids stuff too. Things are so much easier now that they are older. It's like he just sees this one thing I don't do but doesn't see all the other ways I contribute.

Part of the family yes. A parent, not a child.

I am sorry, I usually side with the wife because I find the hubby unreasonable but owning a driving license and not using it just because is too Sheldonian. Just nope.

Thats your opinion, my husband has no issue with it, so thats all fine here. Neither of us is "a useless partner" - I don't drive, and there are things I am better at than him that I do. Strangely enough we have a great marriage.

I would have some lesson’s OP, start driving more & then call his bluff & tell him it’s his turn to start doing some cooking!

Great, good for you. Not everyone is the same. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking opinions, if everyone thought the same.

I would take the car out and practice on a car park, I would want to teach my child that your confidence was knocked but got back at it. It's your choice though, I hate driving out of my comfort zone so my husband will drive to places I can't but I will drive other places.

I haven't asked for an opinion- I explained why I don't drive and why it doesn't make me some kind of feeble second class adult.

I think the biggest issue here is your husband. He is not on your team and spoke disgustingly to you, infront of your child. I would need him to change or I'd leave the relationship. That can be done in taxi. There is a whole world outside of driving.

For me we can't afford for me to do lessons ongoing with the current test debacle where you're waiting 6 months to re test and in that time your theory expires etc we also couldn't afford another car.

Therefore I get taxis I cycle I walk. I can still do the school run and get everywhere I need to. But most importantly my husband values me and sees us as a team and a unit where we are both working together. If I felt I couldn't drive even having my licence we would just figure out together what worked for us. We would address any resentments healthily. I genuinely don't think he would resent me because he just wants the best for me. But if that did arise he would support me in a healthy manner not shame me! He would also have full agency to leave the relationship if he didn't want to be the sole driver.

My husband does his fair share of all other life duties sometimes more than 50% he doesn't lord it over me that he is the driver.

We have a relative that has given up driving despite driving over 30 years they were never confident. They kept having accidents luckily no one was hurt just bushes and bollards. Enough to write a car off though. Not everyone is safe enough to be on the road.

OP

I passed my test and then didn't drive for a couple of years (I hate it too) but in order to get to a new job I had to drive. I booked a driving instructor for a few refresher lessons.

Could you do that? Get a driving instructor to teach you to park?

Obviously your DH needs to pick up doing something in the house.

I think what some people fail to appreciate is there are some people who know barely anyone that drives and that is what builds their judgement and it's totally fine. What they have to appreciate however is that their life is more limited. If you like where you live and work locally it makes sense to save the money if anything!

Everyone in my family, work and friendship group drives. I'd hate to not be able to drive up north to climb a mountain at sunrise or visit family at the drop of the hat but they're my choices and doesn't mean those that choose not to drive are not happy with their life. I just value being in a different town every weekend and live 45 minutes from a train station.

In OPs case, it sounds like her husband does a lot of driving so there is clearly a need for OP to step up as I'd guess she wants ferrying about here and there as well as their children. Nothing wrong with some refresher lessons but hey, maybe get your DH to cook 2 night a week if he's so inclined

You sound incredibly wet and your dh has probably had enough.

get a grip sounds harsh but seriously, toughen up ffs.

I'm not sure how I can say this respectfully.. but - respectfully - and to quote your words.. it IS pretty feeble not to drive unless you have epilepsy or learning difficulties or something. It makes it always someone else's job to do it just because you choose not to.. it's not just a relationship issue

Any harsh words for OP's husband who does absolutely fuck all in the house and with the children, even though they both work full time? I think that OP could easily manage without him. Who knows, maybe without such a horrible and unsupportive husband she may get her confidence back about driving.

I don't just "choose" not to- I explained why I don't drive in my earlier post. And there's absolutely nothing feeble about me nor do I put on my husband to drive as if he's my personal chauffer. I have two legs as well and use public transport. I have a multitude of other things I happen to excel at so you thinking I'm feeble really doesn't affect me.

What do you mean 'maybe get your DH to cook 2 nights a week if he's so inclined?'
So he only has to do it if he wants to or is likely to do so?😅 But yet there's a clear need for her to step up even though she does everything else?

It’s not only about the husbands needs though, is it. Not driving is massively limiting for the person that doesn’t drive unless they live in a massive city with amazing public transportation infrastructure (London). There’s some incredible parts of the country that you’ve got absolutly no hope of getting to unless you can, and are willing to, drive.

Imo not driving is a bit feeble (that’s not a
word I’ve ever used before, but it fits!) in adult. As I said in an earlier post not driving would be a massive, unrecoverable, turn off if I were interested in dating again. The freedom of the open road is an amazing feeling and if someone limited themselves to the freedom of the bus timetable I’d run a mile; A geographically small life isn’t for me. It sounds like it isn’t for the OP’s husband either.

I actually agree with this in spite of being a non driver (medically not allowed to drive). DH likes to drive - as in he actively enjoys it - but there have been journeys we’ve done where I’ve felt really bad that we can’t share the load at all.
observing older relatives (eg MIL) gradually choosing to opt out of driving - it does seem a skill that you can lose over time. I don’t know. It’s complex. I think the way he spoke is harsh but actually do understand the frustration and irritation when it appears to be a choice.

You absolutely 100% failed to say this respectfully. Detective Douche suits you well. This may come as a surprise, but there’s more to life than driving—and stupid, provocative comments like this that help literally no one. Hope it made you feel good about yourself for 30 seconds. Nobody ever made themselves look good by attempting to make others feel inferior.

I don’t understand what this has to do with the husband “doing f all” in the house. The issue is driving and how that’s all falling on to the husband. If the OP had an issue with doing everything in the household, why not raise that as a separate issue?

This perspective feels very competitive and “point scoring.”

I don’t think how the OP’s husband has been very nice with her regarding the driving - but clearly it’s a problem for him and it needs addressing. If the OP and partner split up, how will OP get around? Especially with child?

I have family members who don’t drive, but they live a 5 minutes walk from the train station and town centre. They also don’t have children.

You dont understand?.

He has ONE JOB. The only job he does for the family and he resents even that.

The OP does everything else in terms of keeping the family and house going and also working. He works and sometimes drives. Thats it. Literally nothing else.

Of course there is a connection. The one thing he does he trying to push on to the OP so she is carrying 100% of his share of the burden to carry the family.

As always, this is not about driving, this about the OP being forced into being the family labourer to appease the selfish lazy arsehole husband. He wants a trad wife who also happens to bring in 50% of the money.

It has everything to do with him doing f all in the house. The poster was saying her husband had probably had enough of her, well if he has then he has a cheek seeing as she does absolutely everything else.
She probably has raised it with him and I bet he didn't spring into action and start cooking and cleaning etc.

And no it doesn't have to be raised as a separate issue because they can't be separated, he is complaining about her contribution, therefore his contribution should also be weighed up.

Maybe my sarcasm was lost. He's not going to cook is he? He's just going to find fault regardless even if she starts going 90% of the driving.

Not everything is an attack. Relax

In all fairness to the PP it came across very much like you were defending the husband. There was no sarcasm.

As for "relax"....well my post would get removed if I told you what I though of you posting that. I will stick with; dont be a dick.

Honestly, next time you do something you do everyday for him (cook tea, washing etc), don't and say "you're an adult, you can do it". He'll soon get the hint

Yeah, I don’t get why everyone is focused so much on the driving when she does everything in the house with no help. If I were her I’d be saying something along the lines of “if I drove you’d be completely redundant in the family!”