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Original poster

DH resents that I don't drive.

499 replies

JustineTim · 28/10/2025 19:56

I have my license but hardly drive. I hate it. I always have. I get soooo anxious and dread it I can't park for toffee which makes me more anxious as I worry about parking once I get somewhere. I just don't have the spatial awareness. I only drive when I have to eg school run which I don't even need to do anymore as kids catch a bus now. So now I hardly drive.

I was in the car with DH after picking up my little one from holiday club and he just sort of said out of the blue. I wish I was in the back and you were driving. I said okay but will you help me how to park. That's the worst part. He said, no, you've got a license, do it yourself. Then my little one joined in the conservation asking why I didn't drive. I agreed and said I know, mummy doesn't drive and then he piped up with "you proud of that are you?. I was hurt and told him to stop being mean. He then accused me of turning it on him like he was the one doing something wrong.

I left it at that but feel quite hurt by it really. I personally don't ask for lifts from him as I generally don't need to. Everything is quite accessible. Maybe he has a point, maybe I should drive and do all the driving. But I think it hurt more as I do literally everything in the house and work ft and do all the kids stuff too. Things are so much easier now that they are older. It's like he just sees this one thing I don't do but doesn't see all the other ways I contribute.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:09

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:07

Yes and she would only be doing it to keep her lazy selfish wanker of a husband happy. She is fine as she is. He just moans as he wants her to take on the ONE job in their relationship that she doesnt already do. He wants to go to work and.....nothing. But to still have a fully facilitated life. ETA, if the OP got a storming promotion and earned mega bucks, he would probably quite cheerfully quit work too.

Rather than money spent on advanced driving courses or extra lessons that is being suggested, I think it would be better spent on therapy to find out why the ever loving FUCK she is putting up with this piece of crap, or rather (cos the "why" is in fact very easy to see) to help her kick him to the kerb and walk, not drive, away into the sunset without him!

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly.
And quite honestly, as far as all these people announcing high-handedly to the op that they wouldn't consider a relationship with a non-driver (ie; the op) are concerned, I wouldn't consider a relationship with the sort of person who wanted or didn't want to be with me for my driving credentials. I find it nauseatingly shallow and unromantic - and a bit depressing that people with those sorts of trivial "checklists" exist.

SheelaNaGigYouExhibitionist · 29/10/2025 22:12

MannersAreAll · 28/10/2025 20:15

People should be applauded for recognising that they don't have the spatial awareness (or other skills) to be safe and competent drivers. Not lambasted for it.

Driving standards are appalling and imo part of the reason is the push that everyone should drive.

Some people simply shouldn't drive.

Hard agree.

I don't drive. I had many, many lessons, but wasn't getting the hang of it at all. I've got no coordination, no spatial awareness and I'm prone to panicking and going completely blank. My not driving means one less idiot on the road causing accidents.

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:12

FlyMeSomewhere · 29/10/2025 22:07

Many people choose not to parallel park, it's a fairly normal thing to avoid doing it and I'm puzzled as to why you think there's any danger in that or that it means the car is not under control! It's hard to find spaces big enough or places that let you park long enough! Have you seen how big many cars are now! All the idiocy there is on the roads and you are frightened of innocent people that choose not to parallel park?

Show quote history

It suggests a lack of full mastery of the car.

There is no real danger, as you say, in choosing not to parallel park.

But until I could, I didn't feel I fully understood how to move the car the way I wanted it to move. From memory the DVLA feel the same as me, as I believe it is still on the test list.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
tinydynamine · 29/10/2025 22:13

I often read on here that men who can't / don't / won't drive mightcwell give the lady in their lives the "ick".

Oldwmn · 29/10/2025 22:14

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:08

Jesus, you sound lovely.

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I'd say drive over the bastard.

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:15

Oldwmn · 29/10/2025 22:14

I'd say drive over the bastard.

Show quote history

Well I think the movie version of this thread would have to end with that scene!

Oldwmn · 29/10/2025 22:17

Contrary to popular opinion, I think that people who are not confident driving should not drive. I've watching timid drivers for years & they are a menace (as are over confident drivers & old people who can't see).

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:20

Oldwmn · 29/10/2025 22:17

Contrary to popular opinion, I think that people who are not confident driving should not drive. I've watching timid drivers for years & they are a menace (as are over confident drivers & old people who can't see).

Yup.

And part of that is not having those around them cajoling them/exhorting them/shaming them or giving them ultimatums that they "need" to do it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:20

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:09

Exactly.
And quite honestly, as far as all these people announcing high-handedly to the op that they wouldn't consider a relationship with a non-driver (ie; the op) are concerned, I wouldn't consider a relationship with the sort of person who wanted or didn't want to be with me for my driving credentials. I find it nauseatingly shallow and unromantic - and a bit depressing that people with those sorts of trivial "checklists" exist.

Show quote history

Kills me that they can't see that its such an ableist thing to say. These are posters I have seen been really arsey and accusing others of just that on other threads, yet here they are doing it themselves!

A billionaire with epilepsy? Nope....no MN wife for you! An Oscar winning heart throb actor with severe astigmatism? Dont bother signing up for MNDating!

My DD went toUni in a major city. Couldnt drive when she got there as I couldnt afford to pay for it. Now she doesnt need to and her career is in this and one other big city. She will, if she stays in that career, never need to learn in order to live her life. But no MN wife (husband, she is straight) for her either!

Ridiculous!

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:22

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:20

Kills me that they can't see that its such an ableist thing to say. These are posters I have seen been really arsey and accusing others of just that on other threads, yet here they are doing it themselves!

A billionaire with epilepsy? Nope....no MN wife for you! An Oscar winning heart throb actor with severe astigmatism? Dont bother signing up for MNDating!

My DD went toUni in a major city. Couldnt drive when she got there as I couldnt afford to pay for it. Now she doesnt need to and her career is in this and one other big city. She will, if she stays in that career, never need to learn in order to live her life. But no MN wife (husband, she is straight) for her either!

Ridiculous!

Show quote history

She sounds like a young lady with bigger fish to fry and greater romantic prospects than someone looking to apportion the school run with mathematical accuracy!

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:25

Re Parallel Parking....

It shows a lack of awareness of the length, width etc of the car and that in itself is dangerous, again we are back to spatial awareness which a huge thing in road safety. I pride myself that I am good at PP. I was with now ex DP and I once slid us in a space that he was convinced wasnt big enough. He said "well done!" when I did. I accused him of being patronising and he said that no, he was genuinely impressed as he wouldnt even have attempted it. This the man who almost killed us by pulling out infront of a lorry he "hadnt seen" and said he was a really good driver, better than me. Errr.............

FlyMeSomewhere · 29/10/2025 22:26

cherish123 · 29/10/2025 20:56

I do understand his frustration. I like driving and it wouldn't bother me. However, I think a lot of people would be annoyed if their spouse never drove. If you are anxious you should go for advanced driver training. Driving is almost necessary with a child, especially as they get older.

At the end of the day I drive myself about but when it comes to places we go to together, he drives and there's a reason why! Do you know what it's like to have a partner whose a nervous passenger? A lot of you are demonising relationships where one person does the driving for shared journeys without even considering why!

I got to a stage with my partner that I couldn't do it anymore! He couldn't sit and shut up! It'd get to a stage where he was panicking over nothing, he'd suddenly shout WHOOAAAAHH and I'd panic thinking I was about to hit somebody and looking around wondering what the fucks happening and it turned out he thought I was going to get a bit close to the kerb! Then we end up screaming and shouting at each other which we don't do in any other setting! There's a lot of of nervous back seat driving partners out there and you have to take that into account when all you perfect people are preaching!

My boss told me she stopped having driving lessons because her husband got nervous and pulled the hand brake on as she was going up the drive & the car nearly skidded into the wall of the house. My dad did a similar thing to my mum when I was little, he panicked about a car that was nowhere near, pulled the handbrake on, the car skidded to the side of the road right where a bloke was just about to park and the bloke came and had a pop at my mum for nicking his space! She never drove again!

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 22:27

kkloo · 29/10/2025 21:32

Pushing through anxiety can make it worse!

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In the short term, yes. But its the only way to reset the anxiety response. Longer term it decreases and possibly even eradicates it. We all have to face anxiety - avoiding it does us no favours.

ruethewhirl · 29/10/2025 22:28

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 20:57

Yes - although I would not use the word fault. The reasons someone might find it difficult to tackle their anxiety is complicated in the extreme and not a reason to criticize them. But at heart, I believe there is no anxiety that cannot be overcome. However, it requires really high motivation, solid distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills and decrease of secondary gain. If it is trauma related, like OP seems to be indicating, treating the anxiety and pushing through the initial discomfort, however strong it is, can open up the possibility of decreasing the impact of the trauma, not just in relation to the initial problem, but in wider life.

I have seen people do things they never thought they would be able to do and it is extraordinary to see the change. The minute people tell themselves they cant do something, they set up a self fulfilling prophecy.

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Is this an endorsed clinical approach to tackling anxiety or just your opinion?

FlyMeSomewhere · 29/10/2025 22:29

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:12

It suggests a lack of full mastery of the car.

There is no real danger, as you say, in choosing not to parallel park.

But until I could, I didn't feel I fully understood how to move the car the way I wanted it to move. From memory the DVLA feel the same as me, as I believe it is still on the test list.

Show quote history

I don't attempt it which is the difference, I maybe could do it but I don't need to do it. It's never been worth doing ot needed to be done.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 29/10/2025 22:30

olderandnonthewiser · 28/10/2025 20:15

There’s isn’t an excuse for being mean, but there isn’t one for you not sharing the driving.

If he hated laundry/cleaning/playing with the kids cos he found it hard I’d expect him to learn. Likewise I would expect you to practise til you can.

Agreed
there are no circumstances on earth where I would accept doing all the driving unless DP licence removed for health reasons,
even something like anxiety i would expecting daily efforts to build up confidence and real commitment /parking practice etc
no buts as i loathe it too

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:31

FlyMeSomewhere · 29/10/2025 22:26

At the end of the day I drive myself about but when it comes to places we go to together, he drives and there's a reason why! Do you know what it's like to have a partner whose a nervous passenger? A lot of you are demonising relationships where one person does the driving for shared journeys without even considering why!

I got to a stage with my partner that I couldn't do it anymore! He couldn't sit and shut up! It'd get to a stage where he was panicking over nothing, he'd suddenly shout WHOOAAAAHH and I'd panic thinking I was about to hit somebody and looking around wondering what the fucks happening and it turned out he thought I was going to get a bit close to the kerb! Then we end up screaming and shouting at each other which we don't do in any other setting! There's a lot of of nervous back seat driving partners out there and you have to take that into account when all you perfect people are preaching!

My boss told me she stopped having driving lessons because her husband got nervous and pulled the hand brake on as she was going up the drive & the car nearly skidded into the wall of the house. My dad did a similar thing to my mum when I was little, he panicked about a car that was nowhere near, pulled the handbrake on, the car skidded to the side of the road right where a bloke was just about to park and the bloke came and had a pop at my mum for nicking his space! She never drove again!

Show quote history

Oh the door grabbers, the sharp intake of breath-ers!

My son in law is like this. It isnt that he thinks DD is a bad driver, he fully acknowledges that he is a fucking terrible passenger!

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 22:31

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 20:03

This is really rude. Anxiety is actually quite easy to treat - we know why and how it happens. What makes the difference is not that it cant be treated - it is in the individuals willingness and ability to push through and tolerate discomfort.

Now there might be a lot of reasons why someone finds that hard. But if you come in really determined to manage your anxiety, you could do it.

Show quote history

I thought it was rather rude too.

wordledrivingmemad · 29/10/2025 22:31

Sorry if someone has mentioned this, but you carry the full kids load, the full house load and work full time, I’d be saying to him something along the lines of “well if I drive, you really would be redundant in this family!” Or if you don’t want be so blunt “I’d like you to do the housework or cook, but we can’t have everything can we!”

FlyMeSomewhere · 29/10/2025 22:32

Oldwmn · 29/10/2025 22:17

Contrary to popular opinion, I think that people who are not confident driving should not drive. I've watching timid drivers for years & they are a menace (as are over confident drivers & old people who can't see).

People need to.be comfortable doing the speed limit I hate it when people are doing 40 in a 60 for no reason which then also encourages the idiots that do the dangerous overtaking manoeuvres.

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 22:33

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:25

Re Parallel Parking....

It shows a lack of awareness of the length, width etc of the car and that in itself is dangerous, again we are back to spatial awareness which a huge thing in road safety. I pride myself that I am good at PP. I was with now ex DP and I once slid us in a space that he was convinced wasnt big enough. He said "well done!" when I did. I accused him of being patronising and he said that no, he was genuinely impressed as he wouldnt even have attempted it. This the man who almost killed us by pulling out infront of a lorry he "hadnt seen" and said he was a really good driver, better than me. Errr.............

Spatial awareness in relation to parking is something that can be improved upon though… we also have cars now with parking sensors and cameras… fantastic invention.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 22:34

ruethewhirl · 29/10/2025 22:28

Is this an endorsed clinical approach to tackling anxiety or just your opinion?

Show quote history

I am clinically trained, yes. And over the years it has been my pleasure and privilege to help people overcome anxiety in ways they never thought they would be able to. And to see the impact of that change on their lives. And it makes me sad to hear people who are limiting themselves by ruling out the possibility they could do this. Especially when their anxiety is trauma based - because that usually means that someone else has done something terrible to them, and this has left them with lots of thoughts and feelings which they did not deserve to be given. To see that limiting people in their lives, because on some level they believe those messages, is heart breaking.

However, I am not sure if your comment is motivated by learning about clinical attitudes to anxiety or if you just want to have a go.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:34

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:22

She sounds like a young lady with bigger fish to fry and greater romantic prospects than someone looking to apportion the school run with mathematical accuracy!

Show quote history

Her partner is wonderful and can drive. His parents spent a fortune making sure he could. He never does because of where they live, but oddly enough he can see past her major flaw!

BashfulClam · 29/10/2025 22:36

I have adhd and hate driving, DH doesn’t mind it so he does it mostly. The issue I have is that he is a be karat driver and it makes me more anxious so I hate driving with him in the car.

Calliopespa · 29/10/2025 22:37

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2025 22:25

Re Parallel Parking....

It shows a lack of awareness of the length, width etc of the car and that in itself is dangerous, again we are back to spatial awareness which a huge thing in road safety. I pride myself that I am good at PP. I was with now ex DP and I once slid us in a space that he was convinced wasnt big enough. He said "well done!" when I did. I accused him of being patronising and he said that no, he was genuinely impressed as he wouldnt even have attempted it. This the man who almost killed us by pulling out infront of a lorry he "hadnt seen" and said he was a really good driver, better than me. Errr.............

Yes, it isn't executing the parallel park that is relevant. It's the transferral of those spatial skills (or lack of) to situations where it could make a difference.