A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

The rural home with the chicken for the week cooking

…a strange light on the horizon. Heading towards the tree line my head swirled with possibilities of what it could be. Maybe it was a…

CF who’d taken my neighbour’s chicken without permission; it could be the plumber I’d texted but who never replied properly enjoying the dinner he was making even more because he knew I had no heating at home…

I turned to MN to help with my dilemma.
"No heating?!" they all cried, but it's only
-6° here! Surely you don't need the heating on until...

December. And then an open fire or log burner.
As the wind raged around me, I looked at the housework that needed to be done and sighed...

... until there's 6 foot of snow outside. Just snuggle under a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate. Or wear your £200 cashmere jumper.

How I wish I hadn't fired my last house manager, even though I caught her wearing my £200 cashmere jumper while she was eating her lunch during the hours I was paying her to manage my house!
Time to get a new one, I shall advertise in...

Tatler and I'll require they work all hours god sends and I'll still

Expect a massive salad every day.

Suddenly, there was a loud and ominous knock at the door!
This was so unexpected and downright creepy as we have a ring doorbell...

We all hid behind the sofa because we never open the door...

But the delivery driver just let himself in…

Who could it be? None of us will ever know because I don’t answer the door unless I am expecting someone

The delivery driver asked to use the loo...

What did I see standing on hind legs against the hedge upon opening the door?

And asked for a glass of water/to use the loo.

The horror!

@EchoedSilence snap 😁

😂

…and I did let him use the loo. After he’d finished, he asked sheepishly if we had a loo brush, to which I said…

"Loo brushes are so common".

Now, where is my package? I hope you haven't...

…and left RAT POISON in the hallway

…left it on the street where the Phantom Parcel Snatcher from no39 could take it, and leave me without…

It was the neighbours asking if they could use our Mexican holiday home just for one time…

…he assured me that he knew nothing about Mexican get-aways, but he was worried about a woman in the neighbourhood who was shrieking, shaking and crying about having visited…

McDonalds!

…after the Sistine Chapel…