Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

I second this 👏🏽

My first thought 👀

Disgusting behaviour towards the mother of his children. An horrific example of parenting. Having less than 100% positive feelings about a failed relationship is one thing. Being a total arsehole towards that person is another. It's the difference between being a spiteful child instead of a functioning adult. My heart goes out to you.

Heart the message

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned and you may already know; but I just wanted to say if your DC stay in full-time 'advanced education' after they turn 18 CS continues till they are 20.

• Approved education includes A-levels, T-levels, Scottish Highers, and vocational training up to NVQ Level 3.

It doesn't include university so it may not be relevant to you and you may already know but just thought I would mention it!

Definitely just ignore him. I think my ex would send something like this if I asked about cs. I let it go over my head as it is about him and his stuff.
On another note my ex has a direct debit set up so the money always comes on the same day, it's annoying your ex doesn't do that x

CMS can dock pay at source.

All heart,eh?

He's a total cnt. Typical of his type. Takes no fcking responsibility for the result of his fking, if you excuse my crudeness. Happy for the pleasure, takes no responsibility for the result
His only aim was to make you feel totally crap. Do not let him gaslight you into thinking this is in about way your fault. Personally, I would thank him for the evidence that you were totally right to have taken the trash out ( but that might inflame things). Keep this communication. If he is being late with the payment for HIS CHILDREN, cut him no quarter. Straight to your solicitor if you have one .
Best wishes, and remember, HE is the asshole

No dear, I said that "if the roles were reversed" that the hysterical women on here would be screaming "call the Police".

It's called sarcasm.

HTH.

Yes, because the Ex does not want the OP contacting him. And the Op has NO NEED to contact him about the the money, because its through CMS so she needs to contact them.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much with this.

Yes absolutely 🤗Completely concur with you sincere soul 💚Thank you for your compassionate courage & kindness 🤗

Fundamental flaw there… he has only told her he doesn’t want her contacting him after her most recent message about the money he owes her. Before that, she says she last messaged him in September about contact arrangements and he did not tell her at that point not to contact him. So how was she supposed to know, before sending him this message, that he didn’t want her contacting him directly?

Yes👏🙌very, very, valid perfect point 💯

And the way she think it’s absolutely perfect to speak to OP the way he did , a man that was never there for his kids all the years up along ..
I think it’s 🤯 !!

It’s not about the money , OP is upset because of how he spoke to her & what he said, everyone keeps just making it about the money 🙄

he can't decide when to put the money in. child maintenance have a set date on that schedule and if its 5 days past that date then its late. if he has repeatedly don't this then he can be put on a deductions of earnings order which means they will take a fee on top of the maintenance payment that is due and it will be taken off his wages. I would message back and state he has not stuck to the payment schedule and you just wanted to question the date if the one cs has arranged is not suitable for him, he may need to ask them if he can change it but he can not just pay when he wants

Seems when the invisible guy was giving out charm, he ran out when he got to your ex and figured "Audacity will do for this one."

Sorry you've had to deal with this poor excuse. I don't know what to say about it really as I don't know enough about this sort of thing, but I really hope you don't take his nonsense to heart and he runs a marathon of legos. ❤️

your a man aren't you? there's only a man who would comment this

I would reply with “excuse me, who do you think you’re talking to? Pay the CS this week or I’m taking it further.”

He's a piece of shit. I’d feel sorry for his partner, who I’m sure has no idea what the real him is like.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Just ignore him, and instead of feeling low, thank your lucky stars you aren't still with him. Do you use a co-parenting app? It should keep some of this nonsense in check.

I don’t think anyone would hysterically be telling anyone to call the police about someone not adhering to a boundary that they hadn’t even told the person that they’d put in place. When the OP sent the message she didn’t know he apparently had this boundary, as he hadn’t previously told her.

Maybe he is due on?

Do you know these people? You seem quite oddly invested. Nowhere has she said that no contact was the arrangement - the opposite, polite brief messages were the norm - so unless you speak with an idea of who they are, you are making claims with no evidence whatsoever.

Even if you had grounds for your position - which you don't - asserting boundaries would be, "Please can we restrict this text avenue to emergencies about the children. CMS can be managed via CMS. Thanks."

This is not how a normal, well-balanced adult asserts their boundaries. It's an utterly unboundaried response, ironically. A petulant tantrum is not boundary assertion.

The OP actually stated, together with it having been calm and courteous for six years, that:

He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

And yet you are saying she lacks boundaries?

OP, I'd just be glad you got shot and he is not your problem. He sounds truly awful and my heart goes out to the woman currently saddled with him.

How soon before the eldest is 18? I guess you will not have the support for that child fairly soon.

Do you think that was on your mind when you contacted him?