Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

He sounds like he's worried you're going for "his money". His reply completely avoids any engagement with the request.

Any problems with CS take it to through official channels. He'll hate that but it's what he's asked for. There's no reasoning with men like this.

Did you go through CMS previously to this text message?

I agree with this. It’s either her or him with chat GPT.

I’m so sorry that it happened and upset you OP. In that regard it doesn’t matter who it was it still upset and got to you. I hope you feel better. I would definitely keep a record as other posters have said. To keep records I screenshot and make sure time and date as well as name are visible in them too. Has he spoken like this to you before? See how they behave at next interaction in person too. I hope you get the child support soon. You are and always have been doing the best for your children. All my love to you xx

Where's that laughing "reaction" when you need it

whatcanthematterbe81 · 23/10/2025 12:45
It’s his new Mrs

That's it, blame a woman for a man's disgusting behaviour

I recognise this tone all too well - the pompous arrogance of misogyny. It’s very traumatic to be on the receiving end of a lot of this and it’s intended to give a certain impression to others around them and demonstrate their full confidence in being supported in their poor treatment of you.

Abuse by unreasonable boundaries on his part. Fucking wanker.

💯

I would text back "oh dear, did you take your pills this morning?" 😜

I wonder if the CMS have already picked up the fact the payment has been missed if it goes via them, and been on the phone to him. No doubt he'll have spoken to the call handler in equally pleasant tones and no his got his knickers in a twist, particularly if there are money difficulties. I took those calls many times, from men who'd overreached themselves financially, and thought the thing they could stop paying was CS. 'I won't be able to pay my mortgage, how do you sleep at night doing the job you do'' was one thing bellowed at me. I collected money for children, so I slept just fine thank you. Or at least if I didn't , it was down to the cases where I couldn't find them or get payments running.

What a nasty piece of work. Clearly harbours some sort of grudge against you, even now. Ignore him.
Sadly I can confirm that he isn’t the only ex who behaves like that.

Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd riled you. I have no knowledge of CS but shouldn't he pay it the same date EVERY month? So glad you've moved on sound like he hasn't which might explain the bitterness!

This is probably the ex masquerading as a woman on mums net…..who needs narcissistic men when you have women like that…..obviously been conditioned hasn’t she

He sounds dreadful. I'm sorry you have to deal with him. It is rude and unnecessary.

I had similar years ago. E had little interest in a relationship with the kids unless he could use it as a weapon or to inconvenience me.
There's so many putdowns Id have loved to send but didnt have the wisdom of mumsnet to help!
Ours was a private arrangement, so I went straight to the CSA at the time who acted very swiftly as I had all his details. The payments were increased.
He tried a concilliatory "let's not involve them" approach. I ignored.
It underlined why I was right to walk away - even though at the time of our split it was relatively amicable.
I had the feeling he was showing off to someone but I wasn't really interested in his motives. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference.
I didnt engage and my indifference seemed to remove his power and bother him most.
Good luck OP- sending Solidarity!

Bloke alert!

She had no business contacting him, he's nothing to do with her! He doesn't want her "polite friendly texts"! He is quite rightly asserting his boundaries as OP seems to think she can trample all over them when she should be going through the official channel.

if the roles were reversed you'd be the first screaming "call the Police" in typical MN hysterical fashion no doubt.😂

Are you quite alright?!

Sending one text asking when something that is over due by three weeks will be paid is "trampling over boundaries"?!

You know what? I take back my first question, you are clearly mad as a hatter.

Absolute insanity 😂

Eh? Seriously are you on a wind up? You think a friendly text asking where a late child maintenance payment is deserving of running around the house waving your arms in the air and screaming for someone to call the police?
It was one simple and friendly text to enquire where a late payment is, in what world is one friendly message trampling all over people? You are the kind of person that people want to avoid being around because you horribly over exaggerate and falsely accuse people of things!

It's you that's trampling all over the OP with these ridiculous iies and over exaggerations! I certainly couldn't have some one as unhealthily extreme as you in my life if you think one single friendly text is "trampling all over people" and is a police matter!

You don't even acknowledge that the OP has two kids to feed and clothe yet you attack her for politely checking on why she hasn't had their maintenance money this month!

This was my thought too

Mine too.

Bloody hell some of the messages on here. Sounds like they are from bitter men.
If you have kids you either take care of them 50% of the time or pay for their keep. They need to eat and be clothed. What is OP supposed to do if the payments are three weeks late? Let the kids starve?
My ex husband fled abroad so determined he was to avoid child support.
He's now trying to tell my 42 year old DS I kept them apart with my gold digging. DS isn,t stupid. I brought him up with no help or money, other than what I earned, whatsoever.

He sounds scary if he kicked in the door. He is trying to provoke you so don't rise to it. Just ignore it and go through cms

The past is irrelevant.

If you don’t have a structured child support agreement as part of your divorce - for instance the amount and the frequency it should be paid - then you need to get one. You should not be having to ask him what day it’s going to be paid.

If you have direct pay through Child Support agency - contact them and let them know you want to change it so he pays through them.

He could be underpaying drastically. So speak with CSA. It should uplift as his wages uplift and annually anyway.