Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

You do not need consent in law to ask someone a question.

Foxache.

Ok if you want to be so nit picky about it.....

At the time she asked the question she did have his consent because in all the time they have known each other previously she has asked him questions, and at no point until he sent that text had he withdrawn his consent. So, she has done nothing wrong.

Why the sudden need to chase him? That would really piss my ex off. If he’s always paid at the start of the month then he will do so again. No need to start micromanaging him now.

Because he didn’t pay when he usually would. It is no longer the beginning of the month.

Sounds like an abusive, narcissistic asshole. Id just ignore it as any type of a reaction is a gift that makes them feel important, like they still have some power over you. Nothing whatsoever to do with you, it's all his crap and let him keep it.

I would say it sounds like a partner has maybe said something about messaging but you say she seems nice.

That’s a horrible reply and it’s pathetic too. I wouldn’t even dignify it with a reply. If the money doesn’t come in by the end of the month report it to CMS. You gave him a chance to explain and he decided to react like that, once the month is gone he has missed a payment . They can force it to be taken from his wage so if that happens then it’s his own fault

I would just respond with 'Has your phone been stolen?'
How dare he speak to you like that, totally unacceptable.

Making the assumption that he’s late or irregular with the CM payment, my reply would be on the lines of ‘jeez, I thought you’d be all grown up after all this time. Guess I’ll never learn. Get the CM to my a/c pronto, please. Any irregularities in future will be addressed to you through official channels’ .

I also think he using Chat GPT, my niece got a similar style response from her ex who is also flaky with the money and doesn’t pay on time, or the right amount. It’s a type of control and extremely disrespectful. You could play him at his own game and get a chat for response and essentially respond with

‘Correct, you are definitely no friend, just pay the money for your children so they can be looked after properly.

I would guess he was drinking/drunk. He’ll hopefully be sorry when sobered up.

@Calendulaaria I’d be saying ‘you being 3 weeks late with CS payment is an emergency. Please pay now and send November’s on time’. He’s nuts.

I know but these people are idiots . I don't think they think the way you and I think

There doesn't seem any reason for you to message and ask. He always pays, at the same time each month, for years. Why ask?

Just be over the moon thankfull that your not with this vile person.. your entitled to ask for support without a load of upsetting abuse in reply.. can you get this sorted so it's legally to be paid by a certain date
Then have no contact.. I'm sending you a big hug🙂💖

Because he hasn’t paid this month.

She didn't say that for quite some time into the thread though. I'd got as far as I had and posted. The OP reads very differently.

I was just trying to be helpful by explaining why she messaged him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've been using the 🖕 emoji a lot lately so I would probably send him this.

Oof OP, his text feels quite manosphere coded 🤮 be proud that you ditched him when you did and that you’re doing a brilliant job of parenting without him xx

This

I expect he was out with a woman and she saw the message come up on his phone, which ruined whatever bullshit story he’d told her.

You sound just as delightful as her ex.

In this scenario I would go to your phone, screen shot it, then delete the message so you don't have to see it again and ponder it's meaning.

I would keep that message in case you have to go through the court for child support. No harm at all to have it!