Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

God Bless You 🫂I completely concur with those mentioning how unkind & cruel his message was
Not to mention, totally unnecessary
Small wonder you split from him & I feel sorry for his new gf
I guess she's yet to see his true colours
No wonder you weren't compatible with a wicked weasel like him😥
Also, even if you had not a single friend, he's still got no right to make disgraceful digs to you, like he has
Clearly he just wishes to put you down & he seems blatantly bitter about your split, despite having someone new
Thank God you had such a lucky escape sincere soul
You really seem so lovely & remember you deserve so much better
💚🤗💚

I think I'd send a simple reply "I totally agree . As you say, it's probably better that everything is done via the CSA instead so I'll contact them."

or whatever it's called these days.

Had a spat (or something more serious with the GF) and needs an easy target to take it out on.

Maybe she is pregnant? Or wants to be?

Honestly reply with a laughing emoji. What a twat.

An over dramatic response because he knows he's in the wrong and he can't give you a straight answer. Payment is late, financial troubles and too much pride to admit it so he's given you this speal instead. Keep it to CMS. Let them deal with it and protect your peace. You don't want to insinuate any contact with this man unless you really have to (kids in hospital only!)

I would have replied “I remember your 3 inch penis which helped to make our kids- sorry to hear that strangers are aware of your misfortune in that area. That must be tough. PS don’t worry about answering my question. I spoke to my friends and the appropriate place (CMS). No need for any further contact as per (the only thing that made any sense in) your request 👍🏼”

The only thing to do with this type is....nothing. Not a thing.

Its fun and satisfying to imagine what one could say (and some of these responses are very funny), but in reality that is playing into their hands. They want the reaction. Preferably outraged and angry, but any reaction will do because it proves that you care about what they say, even if its with hilarity, it still means that you saw/heard and noted what they said.

Silence is their kryptonite. They will take your love, your hate, your anger, your frustration, your attempts to wheedle them into being reasonable.....it all proves that they are making a noise in your life. But indifference? They really cannot take that AT ALL.

It means that you may or may not have seen/heard what they said. It means that if you did then it really didnt bother you enough to respond. It means that they do not matter at all to you, and that is what they cant handle. They can feel you eye roll and close your Whatsapp.

Its so powerful. You know what they say; if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all. And there is nothing nice to say about people like this so....nothing it is!

You're a better woman than me. I absolutely wouldn't be able to not reply. But I'd go back with

'Hey, I think you sent me a text meant for someone else because it makes no sense in relation to my question - can you let me know about the payment. Thanks'.

I just wouldn't be able to help myself.

This is the prob when 1 parent checks out an thinks the paltry money they pay covers they parental duties.

He's an AH leave his behaviour with him.

Your kids hopefully know what he is like and appreciate you.

Use CMS to get the money on time and speak to them about reassessing how much you get.

You sound great, level headed, fun and a good mum, well done on putting him behind you, I hope he pays up soon.

It sounds as if he is pissed off because you reminded him. Does he ofen delay the payments?Also i read that ylu pay for everything including school fees and extra music lessons. I only mention it as if children go to private school etc and daughter has a car,he maybe thought a few days wouldnt matter as you seem comfortably off. But such a rude unpleasant reply .

That is what immediately came to mind to me also

Way too many good suggestions from people.
This is what I love about mumsnet 🧡

Just reply,
Thanks for the epitaf , just the date you're paying will do thanks, please advise if you're not paying CS anymore and I won't bother you anymore and I can deal direct with CSA. Regards

I'm sorry you've been through this too. It's exhausting. When the children were younger, I actually got sick from the stress of trying to provide financially for them, deal with him and organise everything they needed. He said that the cs payment (small amount) was my wage from him and he was my boss. Someone in the comments here said he gets a dopamine hit from sending abusive stuff to me and I think that's what it must be.

I felt bad splitting up with him when my children were fairly young, and I actually went back to him after 6 months back then, to give it another go. Then I left for good, and even though he could still abuse me via the kids, it was definitely the best decision. He's really immature and has no way to dealing with his emotions internally, he has to dump.

I really wish there was a laugh reaction on here 😂hilarious

That description is very accurate

You'd think so, but he doesn't drink. That's just his personality 😅

Christ it must be serious egg shells for anyone living around you if you think one polite, friendly text is harassment!

The usual reason for this aggression I find is because they resent paying for their own children.

Jesus you sound like him! She needs consent to politely ask his royal Highness when his late payment might be in? She was so pleasant about it and the fact that she has his kids gives her a right to now about the finances and she was just trying to be amicable!

It's proper creepy isn't it that he sees it as having ownership of you rather than wanting to ensure his kids don't go without! I had a boyfriend when I was 17 to 23 and it reminds me of the same darkness he had about him where I was treated more like a possession than a human. Luckily I met my now partner of 22.5 years and ditched his arse!

You could tell him "be a friend? I couldn't wait to be rid of you and if you are my boss then pay me my wages you tight twat" 😁

His poor current partner will experience his dark side one of these days if not already.

What an absolutely bizarre response. He's used your text as an excuse to be abusive. Screenshot and save it.

I would be tempted to reply something like "That reply was a bit of random reply, I hope you are OK."

Is there a chance that someone else wrote it? His new partner maybe?