Boss's wife - WTH do I do?

[PassUstheJaffaCakes]

Using throwaway acct for this as it's sensitive.

My boss's wife has become convinced something is going on between us because we attended a black tie awards ceremony together (as in we went together in a taxi and sat at the same table, absolutely nothing else!) and she clearly checked his phone and found 2 photos of us at the event. He sent them to me afterwards so I could send them to my team, as it was hosted by a minor celebrity who was in the photos with us. We have never even exchanged WhatsApps outside work before. Literally a few messages saying he booked the taxi for x time, see you in the lobby, and a couple joking afterwards about some of the very drunk people on our table.

I got a message from her the day after asking who I am and what was I doing in a photo with her husband. I didn't reply initially because I was taken aback. I've since had a couple more, with a more insistent tone. Boss has been off on leave since the event.

I have no idea what to say, since it seems manager hasn't told his wife he was there with a female colleague. No idea if there's a history of cheating, we don't discuss personal lives in depth. We know each other's spouses' names, kids names, ask politely about the family etc but other than basic details I know little about his family life. I have heard rumours he used to be a party animal on work nights out, but sounds like that's years ago and when he was more junior, and I've never seen it. I've never even known him drink at a work do. I'm a senior manager, I'm married, and I pride myself on my professionalism. I certainly don't want any rumours starting.

If you were a worried DW, would you want the woman you suspected to message back and say there's nothing going on? Or would a denial not help really? Do I just stay out of it, let my boss know when he gets back and let him deal with his own affairs?

Any update OP@PassUstheJaffaCakes?

"if someone gave out their personal phone number to a manager for the purposes of attending a work related event, it would be a breach of GDPR."

What? That's not GDPR is it? It doesn't say we can't give out our OWN personal numbers if you want to. I can imagine having a rule saying superiors shouldn't ask subordinates for their personal numbers, but not to prevent someone from volunteering it. I can give my phone number to whoever I want surely?

Monday has come and gone OP. Put us out of our misery.

I would speak to HR

I doubt she/he has down this as it is pure fiction!

Absolutely @Goldenbear 💯

Well its made it onto bored panda on fb.

Why is it so hard to just answer her question (s). If she didn’t do anything wrong why can’t she just answer her question. You are letting the wife make up her own narrative and all she wants is an answer.

But why would OP care that the wife is making her own narrative. She is a rude stranger. It’s not OP’s responsibility to manage this woman’s anxiety or her boss’s marriage.

You are looking at this as if it’s a social issue. It’s not. It’s a work issue.

Several people have said that we have experiences with people who would act like that, and any answers would only fuel their paranoia. There is no 'just answer'

Is there an actual outcome to this or are we all now left in the dark ? 🤷‍♀️

Is OP ever going to update us?!? Feel like if you post on here asking opinions we can get quite invested!

For someone who has been through something like this . Because the husband didn’t share this info what else is the wife suppose to think. All I wanted was answers and neither of them would give them to me. It left a big hole in my relationship with my husband . Put yourself in the wife’s position. It might be simple for you but for a wife it’s not. You can call it whatever you want and if the husband had any respect for his wife none of these questions would come up. I would have no problem explaining if nothing was there. when we deflect it just makes us ask more questions. Maybe she should put herself in his wife’s place and how would she feel if she knew nothing about this? !

I disagree with Mindful Mandy! Put yourself in the wife’s position.

Still not OP’s responsibility. It’s the DH’s job to communicate with his wife - and she should be able to say ‘who’s this in the photo on your phone’. My DH has lots of female colleagues and, for the last 10 years, female bosses. Loads of team pictures - and my knee jerk reaction isn’t think he’s having an affair with any of them.

As I am really nosey I keep hoping @PassUstheJaffaCakes will pop back and update us, but I suspect the matter has blown over and the boss has dealt with it.

I can't, because I cannot imagine going through my DHs phone and messaging his female co-workers who simply went to the same work event. Who does that? I travel on business all the time and go to all kinds of events, generally with people of both sexes. THere are often also photos taken and shared. So I should expect that DH starts messaging all the men on those photos to quiz if there's something going on?
It really isn't OPs circus or monkeys to sort out her manager's marriage issues.

I went to a work event many years ago and a colleagues wife for drunk and shouted at me to stop talking to her husband.

i remember it clearly to this day. I was mortified - and felt it really impacted my standing in work. Everyone sniggered and gossiped because some stupid, drunk, lady got jealous.

I had no interest in her husband. But should I have to explain myself - apologies for being a professional female who happens to have male colleagues?

Everyone is allowed an opinion .
my husband traveled for work and I never ever checked anything. Then one day he took me to his work and there he had two pictures of this girl he worked with and I never knew anything about her. Liked all these pictures of her on Facebook and had pictures of her and him on his phone but again I never knew anything about her. I dont have a problem with friends but do not hide them. All I wanted was answers and I couldn’t get them. I asked calmly and wanted to talk about the trust and I was told nothing. I then reached out to this person and again I got nothing. She flirted with him so she could further her career. We could have put this to bed 3 years ago but I can’t even ask questions. All I wanted were answers

The answer is that you don’t trust him. That’s the answer you need. Trust yourself.

But that’s a personal issue. You have assumed she flirted with him to further her career - but you don’t know that for a fact.

I know in my twenties at least one wife thought this about me. It was nonsense - I was good at my job and there were men I worked with. I am sorry you can’t trust your husband - but that’s an issue between you and him and not something his work colleagues should be expected to get involved in.

There could be any number of reasons why his wife is suspicious of him and having contact with other women which might also be the reason he didn’t tell her he was attending with a colleague who’s female.

Do not reply to her under any circumstances.

Did OP ever come back to update?

and if that woman had responded 'nothing is going on, we are just colleagues' - would you have believed that and left it at that?

Hope everything is ok OP.

It doesn’t matter anymore and what is done is done. In my situation from what I understand she flirted with everyone to get herself ahead and that is how she got people hooked ( she flirts). Was my husband right in letting her do this NO! I just know how the wife feels when she seen the picture. If it was nothing why can’t they just answer the questions. When we deflect it looks like we are hiding something and if there is nothing to hide then just answer the question. That is all I am saying. If the husband isn’t saying or giving answers what other choice does she have but to ask the other person. Maybe there was a better way to go about and I am sure there is more to the story but I just don’t think asking a question is wrong.How you react is another story.