Boss's wife - WTH do I do?

[PassUstheJaffaCakes]

Using throwaway acct for this as it's sensitive.

My boss's wife has become convinced something is going on between us because we attended a black tie awards ceremony together (as in we went together in a taxi and sat at the same table, absolutely nothing else!) and she clearly checked his phone and found 2 photos of us at the event. He sent them to me afterwards so I could send them to my team, as it was hosted by a minor celebrity who was in the photos with us. We have never even exchanged WhatsApps outside work before. Literally a few messages saying he booked the taxi for x time, see you in the lobby, and a couple joking afterwards about some of the very drunk people on our table.

I got a message from her the day after asking who I am and what was I doing in a photo with her husband. I didn't reply initially because I was taken aback. I've since had a couple more, with a more insistent tone. Boss has been off on leave since the event.

I have no idea what to say, since it seems manager hasn't told his wife he was there with a female colleague. No idea if there's a history of cheating, we don't discuss personal lives in depth. We know each other's spouses' names, kids names, ask politely about the family etc but other than basic details I know little about his family life. I have heard rumours he used to be a party animal on work nights out, but sounds like that's years ago and when he was more junior, and I've never seen it. I've never even known him drink at a work do. I'm a senior manager, I'm married, and I pride myself on my professionalism. I certainly don't want any rumours starting.

If you were a worried DW, would you want the woman you suspected to message back and say there's nothing going on? Or would a denial not help really? Do I just stay out of it, let my boss know when he gets back and let him deal with his own affairs?

The fact that the boss might be embarrassed by the situation has been said, over, and over, and over again. I suggest you read the thread.

Allowing his wife access to one of his colleagues personal phone number to harass her???

Agreed, but not over and over, and not in the context of any need to consider his feelings.

Allowing her? You mean the victim is responsible for someone hacking their phone. I've heard it all now.

If your boyfriend started messaging male colleagues at your work place acussing them of having affairs with you that would be embarassing. Your BF would not only have more red flags than a commie parade but the whole thing could end up in HR with bad consequences for your job. The OP might not be the first female colleague the wife has messaged, maybe HR has a "file" on this issue, maybe one more complaint from another woman and this senior boss is 'toast'.

Wow that sounds bizarre! I also travel with my staff, and my bosses, one is a man, the other a gay woman, and we often get taxis or go to dinner together .. no one would ever think something was going on! Good luck

I mean I haven't worked for the most enlightened places, ironically where I work now, despite being 98% men, is the best practice model but even in the past where it wasn't so effective, I don't think they would victim blame a woman for the actions of her possessive, jealous, boyfriend. I'm trying to imagine this scenario with my current boss, where he would call me into the office and ask me to be accountable for my husband's actions as he has text one of the 98% male staff members whom he suspects I'm having it away with and said boss declares it my fault and I'm fired🥴. I mean, when people refer to this type of behaviour are they thinking back to a time they once worked pre-2000?

I imagine the OP could raise the issue of privacy about personal data (here it's her phone number) which was clearly not secured enough as her manager's wife accessed it. What other data is he slack with?

Yes, they could so there would be an internal investigation and the boss would be told to go on some kind of training to familiarise himself with how to keep personal data secure. Ultimately, this may be very awkward for the OP who has to work with him. Maybe not though.

Lucky you for having a lenient boss.If HR called me because my BF is messaging my male colleagues accusing them of affairs i not only would be super embarassed (mostly for having such a muppet for BF) but I would definately get a "warning", it could put my job in jeopardy.

OP, something similar actually happened to my husband once. He’s quite senior at his company, and one of his direct reports was having some personal issues. The employee had confided in my husband about problems at home and asked for some time off to sort things out.

Fast forward ⏩ a bit, and out of nowhere, my husband gets a message on LinkedIn from the employee’s ex-girlfriend. She was saying she needed to “defend herself” from the things her ex was supposedly saying about her. It was clear she’d gone through exs phone and found my husband’s details.

My husband had never met this women - didn’t know her name, didn’t know what she looked like, nothing. Obviously, he didn’t respond or engage in any way. Instead, he spoke privately to his employee, making it clear he didn’t want to be contacted through a professional platform about personal drama. Thankfully, there was no escalation and she never reached out again.

My advice would be the same here: don’t reply. Just wait until you can speak to your boss face to face. I’m sure he’ll be equally mortified.

Her Boss hasn't done anything wrong.

Of course he has done something wrong, he has let someone have access to the OP's private phone number which the person has used to harass the OP, doesn't matter if it is his wife. Very unprofessional behaviour, and may be considered a data breech.

You'd get a warning for the actions of your boyfriend? I think you would need the services of any employment lawyer if that was the case. My boss isn't 'lenient' but I don't work in an office with a 1970's mindset and luckily for me, being one of two women, he doesn't tell me to sort the teas and coffee out and clean up the office kitchen! Does your boss also happen to have lurid yellow teeth as people are allowed to smoke in the office?

In my company the warning would be for failing to adhere to this. All companies are required to have some kind of data protection policy.

During the course of your employment you may find yourself in possession of sensitive information, the disclosure of which could be construed as a breach of confidentiality. It is a condition of your employment that you have a duty of confidentiality to the Company, and you must not discuss any Company sensitive or confidential matter whatsoever with any outside organisation including the media.

Any such breach of confidentiality would be deemed as gross misconduct except as otherwise provided or as permitted by any current legislation (e.g. the UK Public Interest Disclosure Act 1998) and could lead to your dismissal.

Everyone who works for or with X Ltd. has some responsibility for ensuring data is collected, stored and handled appropriately.

Data should not be shared informally. When access to confidential information is required, employees can request it from their line managers.

Employees should keep all data secure, by taking sensible precautions and following the guidelines below.

In particular strong passwords must be used and they should never be shared.

Personal data should not be disclosed to unauthorised people, either within the company or externally.

Data should be regularly reviewed and updated if it is to be found out of date. If no longer required, it should be deleted and disposed of.

When data is stored electronically, it must be protected from unauthorised access, accidental deletion and malicious hacking attempts

And your point is? (when applied to this specific case).

Call me thick.

Goldenbear wrote

"You'd get a warning for the actions of your boyfriend? I think you would need the services of any employment lawyer if that was the case."

This was in response to several saying the boss may get a warning over the data breach.

The warning would be not for the behaviour of the spose but the failure to keep the personal data secure

Well, seen as toiletpaperthief asked if you were implying that they are 'thick' then I'm not so convinced of your belief that they were referring to the data protection aspect of this.

No, it wasn't in response to all posters though, I was specifically responding to toiletpaperthief's post about jealous boyfriends. But I think you probably know that..

If his wife has illegally hacked his phone she is definitely in the wrong, if he's taken reasonable steps, like a password, he hasn't done anything wrong. Say the number was on paper and a burglar stole his briefcase with the number in it do you think that is his fault or the burglars?

If his phone has sensitive company information on like employees personal data then he needs to make sure he doesn't leave it around to be hacked into. I'm not saying the wife isn't in the wrong too, but it's not the wife the OP entrusted her personal information to, it was the boss. You briefcase example is a bit of a strawman argument but it would depend on the context. If said briefcase was carelessly left somewhere then the boss would have to take some responsibility, yes.

I’d imagine he has indeed cheated before and she’s paranoid. Her issue for staying with him when she clearly doesn’t trust him. Tell him on Monday and block her number.

Except this is just imagined on your part.

The data protection aspect would be the only part that would concern me.

But that wasn't what was concerning toiletpaperthief and I was clearly responding to that.

In terms of data protection policy, not every organisation treats it as 'gross misconduct' by any means and actually the wife could have easily taken the information without the man knowing, it is an offence under the Data Protection Act for a person knowingly or recklessly to obtain personal data without the consent of the controller, to procure the disclosure of personal data to another person without the consent of the controller, or, after obtaining personal data, to retain it without the consent of the person who was the controller in relation to the personal data when it was obtained.This comes under section 170 of the Data Protection Act but the Police won't take it to court.

The Police won't investigate that should read.