Casual sex

[Nanareed]

Does anyone on here enjoy casual sex, like one night stands?

I'm 41. I've been in long relationships before. I've also had sex in short term relationships. Like, I knew the guy for three to six months.

I'd never really had a one night stand.

Anyway when I turned 40 (and single now) I thought I hadn't had enough sex in life, and that I hadn't been spontaneous enough.

I decided to go on tinder and have some one night stands .

Ive done two so far. The two men were nice enough. I just found the whole thing a bit boring? It didnt do much for me at all.

It didn't help that both men focused on their pleasure, and not mine. They didn't want to do anything for my pleasure. I had to keep asking them to do one thing

I was thinking I'd missed out on something, but now I've tried it, maybe I hadnt

lilac peer I'm sitting here cringing about the risk you took. He could have been a serial killer. Please be more careful and meet in public places until you really get go know them.

Haven’t read much of the thread but felt the need to say that in my late teens and 20s I had loads of casual sex and loved it. Leave in the morning giving them a false number. Pre AIDS though.

I haven't read much of it either, after commenting on it earlier.

I don't see what the controversy is with casual sex. I think we all need to form a connection with someone, but sometimes that has happened to me over the space of a few hours. Sometimes it's taken me weeks of dating someone to get round to the idea. Sometimes I've been friends with someone for years before even noticing them. In a few cases, I've wanted to bang someone the second I set eyes on them. There's no set point at which sex between two people becomes justified. When you both want to do it is fine.

I had some great ONS, some not as good and have not regretted any of them. Also had some terrible sex within relationships and wish I’d left sooner.

I think it’s disconcerting for those women who view sex as currency with which to coax men into a relationship to hear that there are women who actually enjoy no strings sex because their men might go out and find such women who don’t need to be loved up in order to shag.

Not keen on a ONS, but had a few short intense flings in my younger days. 3 or 4 nights in another city with men I felt a real connection with. Ahh. Beautiful.

One ONS about 27 years ago - really utterly amazing sex. He was visiting the town where I lived and then he went back to where he lived. Never saw him before or after, we had just started chatting in the pub across the road from where I lived. It’s also not something I had ever done before or did again or would probably do again. I think that is when I learned that one night stands were not for me, because it was amazing and then he was gone.

Too true about knowing someone before the act. In my early adult years for various reasons I developed several friendships with guys by writing to them. (pre internet days obvs). I would go and stay with them at the weekend (I know!!) One guy was so weird I 'developed' an illness so I could leave early. He lived in an old neglected house in the middle of nowhere - dodgy beyond words! Another guy - well- as soon as our eyes met I knew what we'd be doing in an hour's time. Fantastic time all through the weekend. I was on the pill, so no need for condoms - but he did give me something else to remember him by. Didn't regret a minute of it though.

@Talulahalula

Amazing and then he was gone. Yes. The whole point.

planning and meeting up specifically for sex isn’t fun at all

I beg to differ! Planned sex can be great fun

Yes, I get that but I mean I realised this was not for me. I prefer to get to know someone. I cannot really do the detachment of a ONS. I don’t regret it at all but that was my learning, for myself anyway. (I am also not sure I would get that level of amazing again!)

Relationship sex wins BUT I do miss the thrill of ONS. My favourite ONS was a guy I met at a music festival in Zimbabwe. It started raining and we were snogging without a care in the world while getting soaked. Ended up shagging in the back of my friend’s Land Cruiser (before transferring to a bed for round 2). We had heaps of chemistry but he was also a super sweet caring guy.

Casual sex can mess with your mental health and give you a bad rep give you STDs and it’s just not worth it you feel used and just like a waste of space

I didn’t feel used at all because it’s what I wanted.

If you like being known as a slapper that’s your call but it’s not something you can live down and you lose a lot of decent guys cos you sleep around if you wanna get labelled the town bike carry on with it but its not a label to have no body lets you live it down

It's threads like this that make me feel frightened for my daughter.

I do wonder how many of these women that have a calendar of who shags who , would feel comfortable with their daughters behaviour mirroring that? Personally I'm teaching my own daughter that her body is sacred.

My one and only FWB was a functional alcoholic; something I knew before we got together. Every now and again he could be a complete PITA when drink got the better of him but a lot of the time he was great fun. I was fed up of being celibate and didn't want ONS with strangers. We did actually call it a relationship but I had very clear boundaries (for once) and knew I could never get romantically attached due to his drink issue. Not sure it was quite the same for him. I ended it when I met my HTB.

Not a prude, but no, doesn’t do it for me.

Don’t think I’ve ever actually had one.

I think so much of it is about the build up, the anticipation etc, which you don’t really get with a one night stand.

Also, I’m quite fussy and don’t find that many guys attractive. Therefore if I find a guy attractive enough to have sex with, I’m not going to want it to be a one night thing.

FWB I can see the appeal of. One night stands, just don’t really appeal to me.

Vibrator?

Married my now husband and guilty to say I am very, very curious what one night stands are like as I never had one... it's interesting to read about other people's experiences

You could make the same comment to any woman who has a FWB or likes ONS. I had a vibrator as well!

I've had one night stands when I was younger, and fwb, and I've slept with guys on the first date and sometimes it's worked out (been married for 10 years to the last one) and other times it was just a one off. Fwb sex was amazing - we had dated previously but had nothing in common, just alot of chemistry and both really attracted to each other.
As for one night stands, I can't really remember much about them because I was drunk. I've never had a sober one night stand. But I do know its exactly what I wanted at the time. I really enjoyed the excitement of sleeping with someone new, and the lack of inhibitions. Most of the time if we were both drunk the sex was a bit meh, but I have equally had amazing one night stands. But I do also find it easy to see it as transactional and not emotional. Just fulfilling a need. I have no regrets. I don't know why there's such a stigma around women enjoying casual sex.

I don't know what you'd describe as a calendar of shags, but yes I'd be perfectly happy with most of the sex I've had as an adult for a daughter. I don't have one so it's academic, but I've had some great adventures, experienced some solid performances, been with some really fun and interesting men (and women!), and I've had a ridiculous number of orgasms.

I'm pretty pleased with my haul of dudes over the years. I've got good taste.

What the actual?? 🤣 Do you live in a small village circa 1860? It's astonishing you have the internet 🤣🤣

By the way, you missed out a few misogynistic insults. While we're chucking antiquated epithets around, I'll add that if you like being known as a frigid prude that's your call, but it's not something you can live down and you lose a lot of decent guys if you get labelled a sour-faced bitch.

Like them apples, do you?

Never happened me, and I’ve had a lot of casual sex.