Casual sex

[Nanareed]

Does anyone on here enjoy casual sex, like one night stands?

I'm 41. I've been in long relationships before. I've also had sex in short term relationships. Like, I knew the guy for three to six months.

I'd never really had a one night stand.

Anyway when I turned 40 (and single now) I thought I hadn't had enough sex in life, and that I hadn't been spontaneous enough.

I decided to go on tinder and have some one night stands .

Ive done two so far. The two men were nice enough. I just found the whole thing a bit boring? It didnt do much for me at all.

It didn't help that both men focused on their pleasure, and not mine. They didn't want to do anything for my pleasure. I had to keep asking them to do one thing

I was thinking I'd missed out on something, but now I've tried it, maybe I hadnt

Maybe a fwb situation is better, but I love the idea of just taking a guy home after a night out dancing

Practically speaking......meh. Condoms are a PITA and don't guarantee protection against skin-transmitted viruses like HPV and herpes. Unprotected oral is not entirely safe, and great sex needs oral (IMO).

I find the FWB even worse than a one night stand. Why on earth do you want to have sex with a friend ? And if you fancy them enough to want their penis in you - why are you not in a relationship? That's not friends ! I really really just don't get it !

Because you’re not in love with each other? My FWB and I had insane chemistry, and a lot of fun when we were together, but he would have been an awful person to be in a relationship with and there was no way I would ever have developed romantic feelings for him. But we had great, fun, mutually appreciative and fulfilling sex, which was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. I wasn’t in a position to have or want a relationship but it was great fun.

I mean fair play to you. It is indeed totally your choice and there's no law against it !

I guess I just don't understand it. To me, it's such an intimate act, you're exposing the most intimate parts of your body and allowing some "random" to have access to it ! I just cannot imagine feeling empowered by that . Humiliated, exposed, used , yes. But empowered or sexually satisfied - definitely not.

I would use the excuse of "perhaps I'm just old" but I can't even use that - I'm not !

I can't imagine anything worse !

To be fair I do think some people are able to separate sex & feelings/emotion whereas others can’t.

Personally I’m quite like you, being fully naked, having someone literally inside me is very intimate, it requires me to put a lot of trust into that person and I know I’m not the kind of person who would be fine with having sex & then the other person immediately getting dressed and leaving- I would feel used and I’d hate that, so it’s not for me.

But I do have friends who can separate sex & feelings and one friend in particular who has FWB / One night stands, she prefers it as she doesn’t have the time to invest in a relationship but wants that physical aspect, she is the one who’s keen to leave straight after as she doesn’t feel the need for cuddles etc, it’s a purely physical transaction for her.

Neither of us are wrong, we’re just different

Each to their own I guess. I was in a sexless marriage so in my mid 50s, once that ended, I did have quite a few fun dates with younger men that progressed to snogging and then the next time full on sex. Each of them did come back for more in fact, so they kind of developed into FWB. I had too many at one point and had to filter them out. Then I met a lovely man my own age with whom I'm having the best sex of my life and a loving relationship again through the dating apps. So I had to put an end to the other men.

Some of them still text me about once a month now to see if I'm still with him, bless them.

Until I got with my husband, I often had casual sex. The sex was rarely bad and the intentions were always clear, sex only with no interest in a relationship.

Fun times.

I have to say I didn't feel humiliated or exposed at all.

It's just body parts.

Yes he is inserting one body part into mine.

But in kissing , we also do that.

The man inserts his tongue into our mouth.

And we kiss a lot of people in life, that we don't know very well.

I didn't feel exposed, used or humiliated

Just a bit bored.

Some men will. But you can't say it as if it's a fact!
I met the love of my life as a tinder bang.

I'm glad you had fun!

I think I need to find the "right " man to have causal sex with. Maybe a bit of a fwb

But you can't really know what a man is like in sex, until you actually have sex with them!

TBH i would be way too concerned about my personal safety. Not risking going home with some randomer who might turn out to be a nutter

I’ve had one night stands , not organised, just happened , drink fuelled & defo not what I’d call good sex ! Ahh that’s a long time ago though ..
In recent years FWB , sex def better, but you have to have the right head space for it & not get attached, I did to my last FWB , he didn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️
I ended up feeling like shit, & now I’m still single but want to meet someone, for company/sex & that won’t be with anyone other than me , but 💯 not live with anyone again …
Sex is always better with someone you have emotional connection with , where both people care about one another, don’t care what anyone says !

It's the same if you meet a man in a bar though.

It's all a risk. Wherever you meet a man.

If you meet a man in a bar, and fo back to his house on the third date, it's still a risk

I understand what youre saying. I have to say the two men that I met off tinder solely for a one night stand, were very nice and polite.

I also didn't go back to theirs. I brought them to a hotel. Still risky. But there are staff around.

30 years ago once or twice in my 20's but never again.

It's not at all what it's cracked up to be.

Waste of time really.

Yep, in the ‘friends with benefits’ sense rather than the ‘no idea what his name was’ sense. Was great. Wish I’d done it more.

I had a fair few in my 20s and mostly enjoyed them. Personally I am glad I spent time having fun before I settled down. I think if I found myself single again I wouldn't have problems having one night stands - i wouldn't be interested in another relationship but would still fancy sex occasionally

I literally could not care less if anyone thinks I'm 'easy'. I am! Every single relationship I've ever had including two marriages has started with a shag at the first available opportunity. And FWB is just a term that means someone you get on with who you have a casual sexual relationship with - not someone you want to be with in a relationship. It's the best kind of casual sex because you get comfortable enough with each other to have really great sex but not so comfortable that it gets boring.

Totally agree with this!

I had quite a few when I was young. Mostly they are really not worth the effort.

The crash after the oxytocin high isn’t worth it imo.

Yes I agree. Personally I would get nothing out of it either, especially if it's self-serving to them. Which it often is.

Hell yes it is! I'm even older than Bluetooth. Word would just spread via jungle drums haha. Back in the late 90's early 00's there was definitely the expectation and norm where I was that if you "led a guy on" it was easier just to "close your eyes and think of england" than to stand up for yourself. Thank goodness its better now. I wish you lots of healthy fun sex!!

Before I settled down I used to. Maybe I was just lucky, but I had a great time, I don’t remember a bad one. I always got the impression they tried their best to impress!! I never felt bad after, I think (hope!) we were both on the same page. I had a lot of fun.

Unfortunately a fulfilling and committed relationship isn't an option for everyone, and if you still have physical urges, no strings sex isn't unhealthy or to be frowned upon.