Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Husband gifted £5k

730 replies

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:05

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 21/03/2025 21:07

Not telling you something because you are stressed, when it could relieve some of the stress. Hmm. Knobhead.

Upsetbetty · 21/03/2025 21:08

It’s very obvious @everychildmatters he didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want it spent…

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 21/03/2025 21:10

Correction he wants to spend it on himself....

YourLuckyPearlGoose · 21/03/2025 21:10

You have a lot of plans for the money - cover your salary over summer, replace your car…

I agree he wants to save it and doesn’t want you spending it.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:10

@Upsetbetty Well no chance of that as it went straight into his account!

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:11

@YourLuckyPearlGoose Do you think he is being reasonable then? If I don't have a car I can't work.

OP posts:
Upsetbetty · 21/03/2025 21:12

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:10

@Upsetbetty Well no chance of that as it went straight into his account!

So has he spent it?

Annascaul · 21/03/2025 21:12

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:11

@YourLuckyPearlGoose Do you think he is being reasonable then? If I don't have a car I can't work.

What were your plans before you knew about the 5 grand?

MidnightPatrol · 21/03/2025 21:12

I agree that it sounds like he knew if you found out, you’d have spent it all in five minutes.

He probably worries about money too and wants a nest egg?

Stripeyanddotty · 21/03/2025 21:13

Can you use his car? The one his parents have bought him?

TheCurious0range · 21/03/2025 21:13

Why wouldn't you work over the summer holidays? Car repairs yes, joint expense, but most people don't get the summer off. 5k isn't a huge amount of money and if you're financially not very comfortable it can be a helpful cushion to any emergencies. I'd think you maybe have different financial priorities.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:14

@MidnightPatrol How could I have spent it? We have separate accounts and he put it in his. He has a nest egg of £10k from an auntie who passed away.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 21/03/2025 21:14

@everychildmatters you’re talking about buying a new car

Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:15

@TheCurious0range Because I tutor. I am only paid for the hours I work. There are no tutoring hours available in school holidays as it is school holidays. I get no sick pay etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:16

@MidnightPatrol So if my car packs up I can't work. How do we pay the rent then? And no, I wouldn't expect him to buy me a car God forbid - but perhaps help me out to buy one if he's been gifted money?

OP posts:
1SillySossij · 21/03/2025 21:16

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:14

@MidnightPatrol How could I have spent it? We have separate accounts and he put it in his. He has a nest egg of £10k from an auntie who passed away.

He think you will pester him for it

BatchCookBabe · 21/03/2025 21:18

Echoing others here @everychildmatters what would you have done/how would you have coped if this £5000 had not surfaced?

You're coming across as wanting to squander the money on what YOU want to spend it on. In your head, you've spent it already! No wonder he kept it from you.

Upsetbetty · 21/03/2025 21:18

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:16

@MidnightPatrol So if my car packs up I can't work. How do we pay the rent then? And no, I wouldn't expect him to buy me a car God forbid - but perhaps help me out to buy one if he's been gifted money?

Edited

Why can you not get a different job over the summer months? IF your car packs up then you deal with it together then when/if it happens. Can he drive you to work while you decide what to do.

Happiestathome · 21/03/2025 21:18

Could his parents possibly have said specifically to treat himself with it? My husband is gifted money annually, which he chooses to put into the family pot. I am the lower earner and term time only like yourself. I would be hurt if he kept it from me, but I also wouldn’t have any issue if he wanted to spend some or all of it. I view it as a gift to him. Obviously everyone will see it differently, in the same way they do when either party inherits. I would hope if you’re struggling financially, that your husband will want to help you out.

Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:18

@1SillySossij Am I right in thinking his money is his not to be shared even if his wife is struggling financially?

OP posts:
choppywood · 21/03/2025 21:18

Yeah sounds like you have form so he's hidden it from you 😉

Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:19

@Upsetbetty I work in several different locations throughout the working day as I travel to homes.

OP posts:
Original poster
everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:20

@choppywood I wish! He only earns a little more than me but yet I pay all of the council tax!!!

OP posts:
Annascaul · 21/03/2025 21:20

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:20

@choppywood I wish! He only earns a little more than me but yet I pay all of the council tax!!!

Why?

Upsetbetty · 21/03/2025 21:21

everychildmatters · 21/03/2025 21:20

@choppywood I wish! He only earns a little more than me but yet I pay all of the council tax!!!

And what does he pay?