Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

I can't get my head round this concept of mine and yours. Marriage vows say 'with all worldly goods I thee endow' We've always had joint accounts. Lumps of money have come our way from various sources and they all go in together. The latest was when MiL died. There was no question but that it was to used to both our benefits

@luckbug To give him his due here he does a lot around the house.

OP, why the drip feed? First you couldn't work because there were no teaching hours, now you have a 4 year old to look after.

I can't tell if you are work shy or being financially abused.

My child has dyslexia and we keep up the tutoring over the summer holidays to keep momentum going. The tutor is not employed through an agency

@Iloveanicegarden Tbf that wasn't actually in our vows as not church! But I get the sentiment 😀

Yes. My DH and I have had a few unexpected windfalls and have always shared them - and at least discussed what we'd do with the money.

@BeLimeTiger I'm an EHCP tutor through the LA. £30 ph. Desperately trying to get private tutoring work in holidays but nobody seems to want it. Obviously LA wouldn't pay for this and the children I teach are funded though the LA.

These replies are so odd. I inherited some money and it went straight into the savings account. We paid off some of the mortgage, bought a slightly newer car etc. It was put to good use for the whole household to make things easier for all of us.

I inherited some money a few years back and spent most of it on a car for DH. But that was my choice, he didn’t sidle up hinting.

Your first post doesn’t land well. You come across as coincidentally not likely to find summer work if you know there’s a buffer. In your DH’s shoes I think I’d be saving for a rainy day as well. You need to look at your own job and see what you can do to improve and stabilise your income. Lots of us have had to drop out of education roles for financial reasons, dreams don’t pay the bills.

Well, you need a conversation then. Does he not understand his 1K contribution isnt half / pro rata the bills

@MadBlack I've asked for more but he says he can't afford it as he earns just a little over £2k per month himself.

He’s a selfish prick. I hear you OP.

What does he do with the other 1k if you are buying food?

You need to have a conversation about equal financial contributions - it’s clearly bigger than the £5k.

Also, if there is any way to sort your timing belt as once that goes that’s your engine done (YouTube..!?😑)

So you pay for more than 50% of the rent/bills? Why doesn't he pay at least half?

As his parents buy him cars and give him money that he doesn't share, it seems that you and your husband have completely different lifestyles where you have to worry about money and he doesn't.

@Upsetbetty Car insurance, union fees, some food (not as much as me). He does pay the home insurance and a few bits for the house.

DH should be contributing more to family finances but people explained to you on one of your previous threads that there is work over the holidays if you want it. Some with EOTAS/EOTIS who have tuition outside of traditional term time - either because they have more weeks funded or because they have the flexibility to stretch the hours over the year. There are families with schooled DC who want tuition. Some EHE families continue through holidays and either don’t take formal breaks or have them at other times. There is even more work if you are willing and able to take on mentor/LSA/HLTA roles. There is more than the one agency you are using at the minute.

Struggling for money over the holidays and no sick pay is why people explained you can’t compare your hourly rate to when you were working in a school.

@Frostynoman I just don't have any spare money to fix it.

The gift is a red herring really - you need to work out what all the bills come to and work out fair contributions based on your incomes.

This, how long have you not worked during the school holidays?
Is that your permanent plan?

But they gifted it to him, not both of you jointly. It's a bit irritating when you are given a financial gift and your partner can't wait to spend it!

I don’t believe that you have made efforts to find tutor work over the holidays.
you need to advertise on local sites and on tutor websites. The vast majority of people don’t have tutoring funded through the LA so that point is irrelevant. Also with private tutoring you could tutor from your home in the evenings so no need for a car or a babysitter.

@StrivingForSleep Can I HLTA in the school holidays? I work all of term-time tutoring.

Your division of funds sounds very unfair.

Get yourself a permanent full time job and move on from him. In the meantime, write down all of your outgoings, and get him to tell you exactly what he is dealing with, certainly not much in the way of car costs anymore.
He needs to contribute much more

Best of luck

@happyinherts No - they told him it was for family.