Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

How do you normally share finances?

Tbh with your immediate assumption that it would be yours to spend I can understand why he didn't tell you.

But it sounds like the OP wants to spend it on herself and HER needs. And it's not the first time she's done it if you read all her posts. If my DH wanted to use £5000 I had acquired to top up his wages because he was having half the summer off, and to buy a new car, I'd tell him to fuck off and instantly move the money into an account in my name only.

Then again, this would NEVER happen. My DH wouldn't do this, and I wouldn't do it to him.

Why are you not answering the question...

What would you have done about your new car, and top up of wages you need if the £5000 had not surfaced?

If you don't answer this time, I will surmise that you have no answer. You just want to spend your husband's money on yourself. Maybe try and better your situation/look for a job with more hours, rather than living off your husband's cash gifts/inheritances.

There are other jobs. Part time jobs, summer holiday jobs, shift work, retail, cleaning etc. There is no excuse for not supplementing your term time income if you cannot live on it.

Sounds like he didn’t tell you because you think it’s all yours to spend.

@BatchCookBabe What part of this don't you understand? There ARE no teaching hours in tutoring over the summer holidays.
What is your opinion on SAHPs then?

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment I thought my husband could perhaps work more as a team I guess?

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment We have a 4 yo so childcare would wipe out if cleaning etc.

@BatchCookBabe I've answered this.

Why does it have to be teaching? I have supplement my income by working in a bar, cleaning, working in a call centre and retail at various times. Not going to lie I hated every minute of the retail, but needs must.

I think I'm on your side OP. You pay more monthly on rent/bills and if you don't have a decent car, you can't work, on top of the fact you don't work in the holidays. Who's going to pay the bills when that happens?
You're a team and should share windfalls. Lets hope you win the lottery and you can tell him to bugger off.

@Upsetbetty Council Tax, gas and electricity, water, food etc.

We don’t know that she pays more at all! He gives her 1k, so assuming of the other bills add up to another 1k. It’s even Steven’s… how much are you paying @everychildmatters

He’s not telling her bc he’s not giving her any. It seems to be an all for him attitude. When did this start rearing its ugly head. He wants it all for himself. Do you have children?

@Upsetbetty A lot more than 1k.

Being a 'team' doesn't mean supporting someone who can work but chooses not to when the 'team' doesn't have enough money to live on.

This wouldn't fly in my marriage but that's because we have joint finances so there is no "my wife is struggling financially" - our income is pooled, we use it to cover all family/joint/child expenses based on the budget we set together, and then we each take an even amount of the leftovers for our individual spending.

Clearly you and your DH have decided not to merge finances so what's the actual agreement between the two of you?

It's very clear if he told you that you'd be making a claim on at least some of it so maybe he's not telling you until he's decided what he'd like to do with it.

We have a 4 yo. I look after her throughout school hols.

Well then this is your actual first issue @everychildmatters you need to tell him, due to COL etc his 1k is no longer enough and it needs to increase so it’s half of all bills.

Op has a four year old she’s looking after when she’s not at work. I also bet she does most of the stuff around the house. Just because it’s not paid doesn’t mean she contributes less. If you can’t talk about money openly with your spouse what kind of partnership are you in?

The replies on here are v strange - i assume mainly from single people.

Why would you not share good fortune with the person you love? Do you two even like each other? Very selfish behaviour on his part.

Also what happens in the summer when you are not earning? Does he pay it all?

@Upsetbetty He will continue* *to pay the same so it will be a huge struggle.

Why do you put up with that @everychildmatters?