Husband gifted £5k

[everychildmatters]

Long story short...
My SIL came over today and she let it slip (she of course assumed I knew) that her parents had gifted husband £5k (she had her dad's car when he stopped driving at 83 so they were "evening things out."
Hubby and I both work but I'm a SEND Tutor which means I only get paid for the hours I work e.g not in school holidays. We rent privately as simply can't afford to buy and has been that way for years. My car is also on its last legs and I do a lot of travel for work so no idea what to do when that packs up!! His mum and dad have just also purchased him a beautiful new electric car.
Hubby knows my anxiety about paying bills etc has been through the roof.
He says he didn't tell me because I have been so stressed, but the truth is (IMO) is he didn't tell me because I could then have said could we use some of that if I can't get work over six weeks holiday etc?
I feel so let down and disappointed - I don't think he'd ever have told me if I hadn't found put through SIL.
Perhaps I'm being unreasonable but feeling crap tbh.

I think you’re getting a hard time. Marriage is teamwork. If one is struggling and the other can help then I think they should. You say he already has a 10k savings pot so I would have expected him to discuss with you with regard to what to do with this unexpected money.

@BatchCookBabeAs I've said before, no car, no work. No way can he cover even the rent on his salary alone. If I wasn't working we'd be homeless.

I think ultimately you need to sit down and look at income vs outgoings and make space for a small car loan or ask him to use some of the 5k. Unless he’s thinking of adding that 5k to the 10k and saving more to buy a house?

I'm finding the responses you are getting bizarre!

If you are married I would expect you are a team financially and would know about any money you each have coming in. subSequently that money would be used for the good of the family if money is tight but whatever it's used for would be discussed and agreed.

@Annascaul Well the timing belt needs replacing but I can't afford the £2k I've been quoted to replace. So I'm just running it until it goes as what choice do I have?

I must be going mad as I can't see why people are on your case. I'm the lower earner in our family, but it's family money. If DH received money, I'm told about it. If my car goes belly up, it affects the family so he would absolutely help me out with a replacement. Your husband keeping this from you tells me he doesn't want to share. I would not be impressed in your shoes.

YOU pay the council tax, so it comes out of YOUR money? Yet his money, you are regarding are joint money. You also seem very transactional. Well i paid this so HE can pay that la la la.

Why are you not answering the question asked a few times... What if this £5000 had not transpired? How would you have found the money then (for your 'new car?')

No car, no work is your problem to solve surely? Marriages work so much better when each partner is taking 100% responsibility for themselves.

@Upsetbetty No he's definitely not saving to buy. We are aware we can't afford to buy as everything going on rent pretty much.

@TheDandyKhakiDuck So when I can't pay the rent that's his problem?

Yes this is all very “what’s yours is mine and what mine is mine”

@BatchCookBabe When I was gifted a small amount of money I purchased us a new bed.

how much of a deposit would you need for a small flat though? Do you have kids?

@Upsetbetty Nope. All of the bills come out of my account and he puts in just over £1k pm. Rent alone is over £1k.

Odd. Surely the whole point of being married is that you are both responsible for each other.

OP, in this situation the normal thing to do would be to discuss things and make a joint decision about what to do with the money, for the benefit of the whole family. That’s what most people in good marriages do. Obviously if you are a shopaholic or a gambler maybe he’s justified in squirrelling it away but imo that’s the only justification.

You are choosing not to work during holidays when you cannot afford not to. If my DH took that approach to working I would not share inherited money.

Then sit him down and write it all down on paper and tell HIM! Not us @everychildmatters, he needs to contribute more.

What DOES he pay for?

Odd. Surely the whole point of being married is that you are both responsible for each other.

No - that’s enmeshment.

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment Not true. The teaching agency I work through don't employ over school holidays. I can't get hours.

Is this sarcasm? I presume so, though it’s hard to be sure given the bizarre answers in this thread

In our house, OP, this would be family money - all the money is family money - and we would decide together how to spend it.

He should’ve told you - you’re his immediate family! He should’ve been open and had a discussion about what is best.

@Upsetbetty Well he puts in £1k a month and I pretty much have to pick up the rest. I'm currently on about £450 pw but no hours in holiday. Rent is £1,150 currently but going up.

Is this sarcasm? I presume so, though it’s hard to be sure given the bizarre answers in this thread

No, not sarcasm. There’s no bizarre answers here - just a split between those who tend towards living in enmeshment and those who tend towards taking full responsibility for themselves.

And what other bills are there?