I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

[Jealoussojealous]

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

She also says that they haven’t really been trying though - just seeing what happens. They’ve been together only two years so presumably not been seeing what happens for that long.

So you can dish it out (spread her legs) but can’t take it? Also you don’t know if the reason you aren’t pregnant yet is because of your issue or your boyfriend’s—do you? You haven’t nerved yourself to go to the doctor yet—has he?

I would be very sympathetic to you if you were complaining about your anxiety snd your situation—you sound like you had a difficult childhood, little to no family support, and you are struggling woman fully to construct a successful and stable life at a time of rising inequality.

You are in the squeezed lower class—the true middle class in the UK manage, to the extent they do, with support and wealth transfers from relatives and on property and educational benefits paid for by others.

You don’t have that. Rather than looking around and fighting for a more equitable society though you are fighting with the other poor people over scrap s from the masters table.

Your anger is misdirected and, because if the way you have focused in your poor bitch of a friend, really spiteful.

I know people who have fraudulently applied and been granted it.

So report her?

More holes in the story than a paper doily.

I’m not really sure why you’re so upset about the spread your legs comment? Is that not what she’s done?
I will not be repeating myself again about why I am pissed off with her situation

And yes, people do claim PIP fraudulently despite the strange insistence on MN that it's impossible to do so..

The fraud rates for pip are 0%
Do you realise how much evidence a claimant has to submit?
It is not granted on hearsay!!!
Honestly All these posters who claim to know someone who's claiming fraudulently ought to walk a mile in their shoes before educating themselves.
Anyone want my disability alongside the £737.20 I receive monthly( shock horror!!
How much?!! Yes that's why I don't tell judgemental people. Oh wait.,,,

I think some people with certain, genuine conditions, do have to jump through a whole load of hoops to get PIP.

It's true that you have to supply quite a lot of evidence and fill in forms, get rejected, appeal, etc. and oftentimes people who are genuinely entitled to it have a huge uphill battle to get it. To people like this, it seems impossible that anyone would be able to claim it fraudulently.

However, there are certain conditions where it is easier to get it than others, certain things that are less provable by medication and more symptom-based, more based on the patient's own report/ own version of events - certain things you can put in the application if you know how the system works.

That is how people do it - and people can and do claim it fraudulently - of course they do. Where there's a will there's a way.

That does not mean that people who are genuinely eligible for it shouldn't receive it. There will always be some chancers who play the system. Overall, benefits are absolutely a good thing to help the most vulnerable in society, and you have to accept a certain level of this will happen for the greater good.

I suppose you could turn it around and say spending her pip on holidays,nails and hair do's is helping her mental health? Pip can be spent on anything you like she doesn't have to explain her spending habits to anyone especially you.
I personally put mine towards a three week holiday in the sun each year .Before anybody shoots me I also work full time in a stressful demanding job and this break helps manage my symptoms for a few weeks !

You are very naive. It's not 0%. Of course the authorities would like you to think it is, but it's not anywhere near.

I know at least 2 people who are claiming fraudulently. This is not about 'walking a mile in their shoes', it is a simple fact. They lied and exaggerated on forms, lied and exaggerated to doctors, and openly admit this. They shouldn't be getting it.

The figures you are reading are about people who get caught. Minimal because of ineptitude in a broken system.

Yes and there are people that dodge the tax system,tick the box to say they are entitled to free prescriptions,do runners from restaurants,shop lift,steal cars ,fraudulently claim on work expenses and mug old ladies ... My point is that there will always be dishonest people in society it's not confined to benefits claimants.

Except she doesn’t work full time, she doesn’t work at all, has never worked ever in her whole life and has explicitly said that she doesn’t want to ever work. I also still stand by the fact that it’s incredibly unfair that certain people get free money to spend on whatever they like to ‘help their mental health’, yet I am struggling just the same, my boyfriend even more, and we have to work for every penny we get (and then don’t have much left over after paying our bills as these also aren’t helped out by benefits).

I bet there are far more people refused PIP who deserve it, than those who claim it fraudulently. The application process is so stressful. Every renewal drives me crazy.

Honestly who wants to work?

You seem very angry that she has been awarded PIP but your boyfriend wasn't. Perhaps he should appeal? Her getting awarded it isn't the reason he was rejected.

I obviously know that her getting PIP isn’t the reason he was denied. I’m saying it is is crazy that she was accepted so easily, while literally telling me that she exaggerated and lied her way through the whole process, when my boyfriend has a diagnosed physical disability since the age of 10 that affects his day to day life was declined. I think it’s crazy that we both work so hard just to end up living a worse lifestyle than her. I want to work because I have aspirations for my future and want to make a difference with the work I will be doing.

I hear you OP. I come from a childhood benefits background so know quite a bit about legit and illegitimate claims. I worked very hard to escape that life but have a few friends who continued on the benefits cycle their mums were in.

One I was especially close to - best friends since early primary school - sounds eerily similar to your friend (even with the overseas boyfriend and the sharing photos of flats she was looking at which were twice as big as I could afford).

I had to end the friendship by our late 30s as I just couldn’t take it anymore after she told me her total claim (I guess including rent allowance) was £3,600 and at the time I was struggling to conceive and her young daughter was being shunted from pillar to post without a care while she visited the overseas bf for weeks on end.

I didn’t report her as she had a child I was very fond of, but I just slow faded out the friendship. I’m sad to no longer see her daughter but I just couldn’t be friends anymore.

Please OP. Report her for fraud and end this thread!!!!!!!

My single mum had a single best friend when I was school aged, my mum worked full time and her friend never worked more than 16 hours a week so she could top up the rest with benefits, my mum came out with £20 per month more. They got on great and never judged each other for their choices but the friend would occasionally go on at my mum and tell her she didn't see the point of working full time for £20 per month difference..

My mum's argument was she needed that £20 at the time and she would always have potential for more earnings when the kids got older, where as her friend was stuck 'earning' what she earned, after around 10 years the difference between the two was night and day, my mum owned her own home and had tripled her earnings with a job that she loved, and her friend remained in the rented council house and struggled to afford to provide for her kids, they were still great friends.

You just concentrate on what you're supposed to be doing and let other people get on with what they are doing.. you are CHOOSING to be a victim here, nothing good will ever come from that, that sort of 'life's not fair' attitude will plague you your whole life and will certainly stop you achieving your potential... which you will probably blame on someone else too.

Just drop her as a friend if you can't handle it.

It appears she has spread her legs and quite successfully indeed.
She's the epitome of success, actually.
Successfully defrauding the DWP.
Successfully securing coveted accommodation.
Successfully spreading her legs.
Successfully securing enough funds to travel frequently and maintain a long distance relationship.
Successfully winding you up.
Stop whining and ask her to help you achieve that which you're so jealous of 😒.

@Jealoussojealous This is bang on. If you want her life, ask her how she did it. Go for it! You can do it!

You sound so hurt by someone else's life! Get a life !! Block and delete her!!

Such a crass thing to say. Says a lot more about you as a person than it does about her. You should spend your energy/time looking at what you can do improve your life and worry less about others.

So you don't actually want to be in her position. You want to work - so work.

You could always do what she is doing, but you're not, so you obviously see that your own position is better.

If it bothers you this much then you can report her.

You are jealous of someone who has made herself dependent on the state? Benefits are there for people who need assistance and no one should be ashamed of needing them. However if you can, working is better because you get something much more valuable - independence and control. Your friend will have to constantly justify why she needs the money, she will be vulenerable to changes in governmenrlt policy and she will never build up any security or work experience. She is getting the bare minimum to live. Have a bit more ambition for your life.

You are very young, you have your whole life to increase your earning capacity and change your situation. It is common not to have much in your early twenties, at your age I could only afford to rent a room in a house share and no way could I have afforded a baby. Twenty years later I own a house and have a very satisfying and well paid job. Focus on your life, not feeling jealous of others.