I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

[Jealoussojealous]

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

Sorry but this is BS

To claim to have anything you need PROOF for PiP. And a lot of it.

She would need her full assessment and appointment letters and proof of medication too. For most mental health issues if you aren't dosed up to your eyeballs on something they think it's manageable.

Why are you jealous of an unemployed single woman and her poor kid who will be raised in poverty with no dad? This is weird as hell. Work on yourself and your self-esteem.

Now you are just letting your freak flag fly over jealousy that dhe has gotten pregnant so easily. Jealousy is a poison you drink hoping the other person dies. Alas—only you die from it.

Take a deep breath and grasp that a million women will get pregnant every day and your infertility or fertility will not be affected at all. Your body and your life are not related to hers in any way. Your obsession with her sex and fertility and finances is pure bitchery masquerading as fiscal resentment. In reality you are allowing yourself to be consumed by jealousy because you fear confronting your own feared health issues directly —and its far from clear there is a problem! That, too, is more hysterical projection. Just stop focusing on this unworthy woman snd get into therapy to work on why you insist on twinning with her and seeing her life as stealing from yours.

I am just as confused as you are. Part of why I am so annoyed by it

take steps to control your jealousy.

If you are so convinced your "friend" is obtaining money fraudulently dob her in. Do it now, the quicker it's done the quicker they will find that she's doing nothing wrong and she will realise who did it.

You really do have to let her go. It isn’t fair on either of you to maintain the friendship when you feel so bad. Having been on the receiving end of another person’s corrosive jealousy I can tell you it will end badly and you might find yourself behaving in ways that you will not be proud of. Let her get on with her life. In years to come you may be amazed by what your hard work has brought you.

i don’t envy your friend. I would hate to be beholden to others. I would hate to have to exaggerate my symptoms or go penniless. To have to report to others. Humiliating.

You know rationally that jealousy only hurts you. It has no effect on the people you are jealous of. And, if you look hard enough, you will find lots of reasons to be jealous.
You could instead count your blessings. You are a capable, hardworking woman with a reliable partner. You're making something of your life through your own efforts. You should be very proud of yourself. Don't waste time on negative thoughts or friends who don't bring you love and joy. Contact your GP if you are worried about TTC (although you are very young and have lots of time).

My thoughts exactly.
I claim pip nothing else though,as am in a lot of pain with fibromyalgia. The hoops I've had to jump through to get it. I've had letters to back me up from my GP proof of the amount of painkillers I was on. I was rejected first time round for it. I can barely get out of bed some days and it's been an uphill battle.
The questions are worded very specifically round physical rather than mental illness/ND unless there's learning conditions as part of it, so I cant imagine trying to apply due to mental or nd type conditions.

i can see why you’d be envious of her having a baby so easily. I got pregnant (unplanned) despite using contraception. My best mates on her 3rd round of IVF. It sucks and doesn’t make any sense.

But the benefits thing? Even if she is faking, who in their right minds is jealous of someone on the equivalent of 18k per year? I work full time, enjoy my job and earn 30k and I haven’t been able to afford a lovely holiday abroad for years. There is no way your friend is funding a globetrotting lifestyle on benefits.

I suspect that the thing that you are most “jealous” of is that she has a child and you don’t. This isn’t jealousy it is hurt and pain. And I feel for you.

I feel for you but I think you need to give up the friendship. She is not the cause of your pain.

It's pointless suggesting on MN that anyone can falsely claim benefits. They all live in cloud cuckoo land where it's not possible.

It’s a strange thing to be jealous of in my opinion, not the life I would ever want to live. Would much rather work, study, and be independent.

I do not see your irresponsible friend's situation as being in the least enviable. She has beomce pregnant by someone she hardly knows who doesn't even live in the country, and is going into social housing.

No thanks, I'd rather work and have joo satisfaction, save up for my own place, then consider becoming pregnant with somebody I love and know well. If I had a thousand pounds a month I would not want to be spending so much on travelling to another country to see the father of my unborn child - who would?

You will see your friend's anxiety considerably ramped up after she has her baby.

Don't be jealous, it will only eat away at you and achieves nothing. Just ignore her finances, she is silly to talk about that.

You will be far better off than her in the long run.

People who pay the taxes for her fraudulent claims have babies too.

I think you should report her.

You get 12 points (automatic higher rate PIP) if you claim you can't leave the house on your own due to anxiety - so she should, presumably, be staying inside her home and never going anywhere.

and that she has got everything I’ve ever wanted without ever working towards anything at all, ever

Then set your sights higher. She really has nothing you want except the baby and time on her hands.

It's not her fault she got pregnant easily. It's not your fault that you haven't. Get to the Dr for help with pregnancy, not doing so is just daft. It might be something fixable.

And dump your friend. No one needs people in their lives who make them unhappy

You and your partner will move onwards and upwards and you will be able to hold your head up with pride that you've worked hard for what you've got. Today is just a snapshot, think of the future.

Are you having a laugh! I know somebody who gets PIP because they are addicted to class A drugs.

Nobody is forcing you to be friends with her. Just don’t engage with her anymore.

@Jealoussojealous PIP is not paid by the government! It is paid by taxpayers like you and me!!

You do realise that she'll currently only be getting standard rate uc at £393 pm ? (less if under 25)
It's hardly a fortune and certainly not enough to fund nails hair do's and frequent trips abroad.

The pip is irrelevant in your calculation as you don't have to be unemployed to get it .
if she was working she'd be receiving her salary PLUS pip so I'm sure she'd be working if she could..

Having an addiction like that is also a valid reason to get PIP, plus theres lots of evidence to back their claim.

They don't base it on which conditions or more morally worthy.

actually- money advisor tells you t answer as tho its your worst day at assesment.
also pip is not unemploymenrt benefit- if yu are struggling with anxiety/mental health it cn be claimed along side working
jealousy and over invested in smebody elses business wont get you any points tho

I don’t think people are realising that she IS funding her trips abroad, her hair and her nails with her PIP and UC. She doesn’t work alongside PIP because it IS funding these things so why would she want to?

Report her, with evidence. You're not taking money from any baby, she is.