I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

[Jealoussojealous]

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

You work 6 days a week but earn just over her at £1000 per month? 🤔
Frankly, it seems like you’re taking your frustration regarding your fertility problems out on her. It’s not her fault you haven’t fell pregnant yet.

It’s better to focus your attention on finding out if there is a medical issue causing your fertility problems.

I get it @Jealoussojealous. Life is indeed a bitch but all we can control is ourselves. Good on you for owning your feelings - I get the impression that there is more going on in your life than you write about. Do you have infertility issues in your relationship or are either of you unable to take care of a child? It's just you mention she got pregnant immediately and wonder if a pregnancy is something you would dearly love for yourself?
About money, things will improve when you complete your studies. I know being skint is the pits (and I was so poor at one point that I stole food) but things can and will change. You just have to hang on in there.
Consider withdrawing from this friendship. Friends should make you feel good and this one clearly doesn't. You could also decide to just step back a little whilst you take care of your own business.
Your friend's situation sounds far from ideal in any case. It's rarely a good idea to have a child with someone you have known for one month and does not even live in this country. The father won't even be held liable for child support if he's in another country and he won't provide any practical support with childcare if he isn't present. This has 'shitshow' written all over it. Think about it, would you want to be in this situation? Don't think about lovely little babies, think about the reality of single motherhood - it is relentless. Absolutely exhausting.
In short, look after yourself. Try not to concern yourself with others, their lives are rarely as rosy as they seem.

yes we do, but we recognise that you are jealous and not thinking clearly.
Ditch friend and concentrate on yourself.

Comparison being the thief of joy and all

I'm sure you'll be claiming any universal credit top ups if you and your boyfriend have a child as your income is obviously very low due to only beable to afford a studio flat .

Hopefully your friend won't be on here posting about her mate that deliberately got pregnant knowing that universal credit would make up any shortfall in income ....

But why are you envious?

really sit with that

it may seem that right this minute she’s better off but her earning potential will always be bare minimum (ie benefits) but in you studying and working you’ll be boosting yours, so maybe now you earn £1k but it won’t be that way forever, because you’ll get qualifications, experience and cane move on and up.

but this will be limited severely if you have a child right now, one which in all honesty it doesn’t sound like you can afford

It is a condition that is listed as valid for claiming PIP, but how is it helpful to give an addict more money to spend on drugs?

It simply defies logic to give addicts more money for their harmful addictions.

Food parcels would make sense. Prepaid rent and utilities would make sense. Prescriptions for opiates would make sense. Giving addicts extra cash in hand is absurd.

Once she's living in a flat with a baby she's unlikely to be spending a lot on hair, nails and foreign travel, if that helps at all, OP?

Well I’m claiming PIP too. Fur very genuine reasons.
Apart from the fa t you need a LOT of proof of your struggles aka letters from consultant, GP etc etc for a PIP to be awarded.
So there IS something going there for her. She has struggles she isn’t really sharing with you (because most disabled or chronically ill people dint share theyr struggles. Rather Theyre faking being well)

Pease be grateful for your health
It might feel like it’s unfair and she has it easy. She does not. She is stuck in poverty with no way out. And now with a child too.
You have choices. On where to work, get qualifications, etc… she doesn’t.

Believe me, you’re much better off than she is, even if it doesn’t feel like it just right now.

Out of interest, are you as tolerant about people who fraudulently pay less tax than they should if that is how they choose to live?

So fuck her off and block her on everything, her life will no longer be a concern of yours.

She's hardly living the life of Riley now on £1,000 per month, and if her plan is to stay on benefits then that's all she'll ever have. She'll never know what it's like to splurge five grand on a week away, or buy a pair of £500 shoes, and she'll 'retire' on a shit state pension.

You, meanwhile, can do whatever you want with your life :-)

If I found out a friend of mine was doing that I would tell them what I think of them in no uncertain terms and end the friendship.

The friend sounds like an idiot. Cut her out of your life, live your own life.

Plenty of people defraud the benefit system. Plenty of people make up lies about people defrauding the benefits system. I wish these two groups would find it each other and all go and live on an island somewhere, probably well-supplied with nail bars and flat screen TV retailers and hoiked bosoms. It's beyond tedious.

Either report her or move on, OP. Those are your options.

Honestly I wouldn’t care at all if it was someone with a low/ to high middle wage.

I have major issues about non dom, money in tax heavens and the likes. The ones who ‘forget’ to pay a £12 million tax bill.
Those? Yes I have major issues about funding their lifestyle .

For the majority of people? We’re all struggling and the best we can

You sound incredibly bitter and unpleasant.

Maybe you should do some work on yourself before bringing a child into this.

Except that fraud on PIP was evaluated … at 0%.

But strangely there is always so many people who claim they know someone who lied and is getting PIP when thry shouldn’t.

Never hear that about the richest people who dodge taxes right left and centre.

An addict will get drugs regardless.

Money could go towards therapy or many other things that will help outwith having the basic necessities in life.

The green-eyed monster will eat you up from the inside if you carry on like this.

You have several choices - remove her from your friendship group, accept the status quo as it is and ignore it, or report her for benefit fraud.

But PIP is based upon doctors letters, etc.

For mental health claims, the doctors base their letters on the symptoms reported by the 'patient'.

If somebody lies to the doctor about their symptoms, that then becomes 'truth' when the doctor writes the report.

Saying there's no fraud is meaningless because it would require dodgy claimants to admit they've lied to the doctors, which they're clearly not going to do.

Could go towards treatment...

But it will almost certainly go towards drugs. They're addicts.

You're not going to report her anyway, otherwise you would have already done it.

I think your view is skewed, she doesn't live in a flat, she lives with her family, THAT is why she has so much disposable income to fly around and get her hair and nails done, she has no bills to pay, comparing that to your life of living in a flat and having to work to pay all your overheads is comparing apples and oranges.

Once she is living on her own in her own flat with a baby you'll see the difference in what disposable income she has to play with every month, but if being friends with her is causing you so much anguish you should really distance yourself and just get on with your own life, comparing yourself to others constantly and feeling resentful of your choices will not lead you to be happy.

I know many addicts who have stopped their addictions when they have the right help, so its not almost certain at all.

It is tough being a student and skint, but things improve a lot when you graduate OP.

And, jealousy will eat you alive. Be grateful, count your blessings, and continue towards your goals.

Was the 'right help' free unconditional money?

Yes, that is what I thought.

I agree with you.

I think people framing this as "she made her choice, you made yours, don't resent her her choice and keep out of her business" if if there is no moral element is not particularly helpful. It's digging at the OP for her feelings of unfairness as if they don't matter or are a character flaw, when actually those people don't really think that everyone defrauding the public purse just because they can is ok either, they just have a boundary below which it becomes ok.

IMO that's a much more constructive conversation - why people like OP aren't finding working hard paying off.