I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

[Jealoussojealous]

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

No, you could have chosen to claim benefits at the time. You didn't make that choice. You chose to work.

She's a lazy cow. And fraudulent with it. I would dob her in and tell them exactly what she does while 'unwell'. Then grey rock her

I did, because I’m not a scrounger.

Are you a trained psychiatrist, OP, and have you undertaken a formal assessment of your friend's health conditions? If not, then i would respectfully suggest that you don't necessarily know the full story and you would do well not to judge.

If you have clear evidence that she is committing fraud, then by all means, report.

Then don't be jealous of a scrounger 😆

This has been my plan for a while, but I’d feel incredibly guilty for doing that when the baby comes along, and also slightly worried about her having no one to support her at all.

I used to work for a mental health charity so just want to give you some perspective from that side.
It is very very difficult to falsely claim PiP. But a lot of people are (wrongly) very ashamed of claiming it for real mental health or behavioural conditions. They feel humiliated. So, they lie to their friends and family about exaggerating their issues or faking their claim. It’s less embarrassing to say they’re faking than to admit how badly their issues affect them.

I don’t know your friend. But you weren’t there during her PiP assessment, and you haven’t seen the evidence from her doctors. Just keep in mind the shame some people feel and the lies they may tell to you in order to cover it up.

She is a waste of space, you will end up doing a lot better than she ever will.

Report her then, she might be the real deal, she might not.
Whatever the out come your life won't change and you'll find something else to get jealous about. Dh has PIP and I'm his carer. We had to attend so many appointments, fill out endless forms and take phone calls before he was awarded the basic rate.

It's been a long time since you could get a council flat just for being pregnant.

Where the hell are you that council housing is that easy to get?

I’m not entirely sure why she would hide medical conditions from me for the last 6 years while telling me absoloutrly everything else, and then lie to me saying she got PIP by exaggerating her existing conditions (anxiety and depression). She specifically said to me that she had been researching on what to say to get the award, and that she exaggerated excessively.

South east England.

Without sounding horrible. Why would anyone be jealous of that kind of life. Regardless of the money she's getting her life sounds shit!

If you don't like her choices and you don't have similar values why call this a friendship? To be honest I'd rather be you than her. Envy will just eat you up. Just put some distance there and get on with your own life and friendships where you're more on the same page.

As for anxiety, you can't necessarily compare your level of anxiety and your ability to push through with her anxiety. Some people seem fine but can't cope with certain things or their anxiety is the result of some other problem diagnosed or not, understood by them or not. She obviously has other things going on. That's not to justify her actions but there is little point comparing yourself to her, all it does is make one of you miserable.

Not this again. It's rather strange that the government says something or other about PIP and there are suddenly loads of benefits bashing posts on here trying to sway public opinion.

Part of why this situation aggravates me so much is because I KNOW it’s so hard for people who really need it to get it, and yet she got it so easily. I acknowledge that people have their own experiences with PIP that may make this seem like I don’t have all the info, but I really, truly do. She told me all about how she got it, while seeming very proud of herself for getting away with it. She told me the step by step process she had done up until she got awarded. To be honest, what annoys me about the whole thing entirely, is that every single thing in her life, has come to her so easily.

Well don't just dream it op...do it...

I hand on heart have not seen the other threads about PIP on here. To be entirely honest I scroll through here every now and then but I have come on today to vent!!

Why worry now? Your whole post depends on the belief that she could work and support herself and her baby if she wanted to. So report her and she can sink or swim as you have.

Ah stop moaning and get on with your own life OP. How is a thread like this helping you at all?

You have a worthwhile life which will improve and blossom as will you. Your 'friend' is stuck where she is forever. ❤

You'd say the same about me I would imagine. Even some of my relatives think I'm lazy but that's because they've not had to live with my brain. It's very difficult to empathise if you have a relatively normal brain because how can you ever know?

If you focus on improving your own circumstances you’ll have less time or energy to worry about hers. You won’t be earning a lot with a new small business and it won’t pay maternity. Could you get a salaried job and do your business on the side? If you’re not actively ttc I’d get more proactive about it before complaining it’s not happening. Two years of half arsing it? That’s a choice.

You clearly despise her so do yourself a favour and end the relationship.

I don’t have a normal brain either. It’s not that she is getting PIP to support her because her anxiety is truly too bad to work, I would understand that (although still be a little, privately, jealous that I never got that), it’s that she told me, straight up, that she exaggerated every aspect of her life in order to get the reward.

It is hard working all hours and seeing people apparently living the life of riley on benefits, but your hard work will pay off in time and they will always have nothing. Perhaps consider why you have these jealous feellings and withdraw yourself from this friend. If she is dishonest enough to milk the system as she says, then she has low morals and isn't good friend material. Surround yourself with more like minded friends and be proud of how you're doing and what you've achieved. It will bring you more peace.