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I know life isn’t fair, but I’m struggling with this

329 replies

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:06

I know life isn’t fair, and I know I will be labelled as horribly jealous, but I will admit it first, I am horribly, disgustingly jealous of her life and it physically hurts me to think about it. My ‘friend’ gets almost £1000 a month from benefits, mostly PIP which she is falsely claiming. She uses this money to visit her boyfriend of 4 months in another country. She is now over 3 months pregnant with this man, so she got pregnant almost immediately. She is now getting housed in a matter of weeks, either through the council, or privately renting with lots of contribution from housing benefit. She has never worked a single day in her entire life. I am working self employed 6 days a week, studying my uni degree, and have been with my boyfriend for over two years, yet I barely earn more than her, we live in a tiny studio which we both work full time to afford, and have been ‘trying’ (not really trying, more seeing what happens) for a baby for almost two years with no luck. She will be in her lovely flat paid for mostly by the government, with her lovely little baby, and will never have to ever work, and never has done, while myself and my boyfriend will likely remain childless, in a small flat and working full time jobs for the foreseeable future.

OP posts:
YourHappyJadeEagle · 05/03/2025 15:48

Your life will improve when you have your qualifications and you’ll have choices —- she will always be tied to benefits if she’s either unable to work or unwilling to.
There will always be people be people like this but I always hope the people who genuinely need to claim benefits get all the help they can and people like your friend are the minority.

Ifeelabnormal · 05/03/2025 15:49

This may be little comfort now, but as someone who (genuinely) claims disability benefits, I'd much rather have your life. I'm desperate to earn my own money and be able to better myself through further education. I'm just not well enough to. As much of a struggle it may be for you, you've got more opportunities going forward than being stuck on PIP worrying that it will be taken away from you.

Unpaidviewer · 05/03/2025 15:49

I'm sorry OP. I suffered from infertility for years and found it hard not to be bitter or jealous.

As for the working situation, I think as the years go by more pressure will be put on those out of work. And i would speculate that being able to parent a child and attend all the appointments required etc would bring her disability claims into dispute.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:49

PandoraSox · 05/03/2025 15:47

Yep. On a site aimed mainly at mothers, too. Not really in the spirit of the site, is it?

Just to clarify, I have never made a dig at anyone being a single mum. That is not at all my issue with her. If her only problem was that she was a single mum I’d be trying my hardest to support her!!

OP posts:
nextdoorsgerbil · 05/03/2025 15:49

I hear you OP.

Despite people on here wanting to believe that it is an awful life on benefits (and it is for some) and its impossible to get benefits you don't need, there are people who have very nice lives on benefits and get benefits they don't need. I too know people who have really nice lives on benefits, including a friend who massively exaggerates her (physical) disability to get benefits and has a really nice life going to activity after activity in the day and travelling for lots of weekend trips and holidays.

Its all right here people saying she is entitled to make that 'choice', but actually she isn't, either legally or morally. Its fraud.

AFairDistance · 05/03/2025 15:49

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:45

Honestly don’t care if people don’t like the spread your legs comment I made, is that not what she did?

Kindly, OP, is that not among the things you do when you sleep with your boyfriend? I’m not getting the whole 1890s outrage at her having sex. It doesn’t sound like an optimal space for a baby, but the sex is hardly anything to get get up about…?

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:49

imtheholidayarmadillo · 05/03/2025 15:45

In that case she must be clinically obese. If you're not, why not just think yourself lucky you're not?

Also, the demonising of single mums on this thread is bloody disgusting.

I am by 50lbs. Went to the doctors was told they'll pay for slimming world which is shite and makes no sense in terms of living off of pasta. Did it years ago and when I went back to eating normally, gained. Fed up of doing things correctly and getting no where and some slapper who has 3 kids by 3 different men gets to do it easy peasy.

Anudawan · 05/03/2025 15:51

Said with love compassion and kindness but if you’re barely earning more than £1k a month and live in a tiny studio, I don’t think it’s the right time in your life to be trying for a child

MyLoyalEagle · 05/03/2025 15:52

I extremely feel for you OP.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/03/2025 15:52

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 14:44

My boyfriend has diagnosed adhd and anxiety, I have diagnosed anxiety. So yes I do.

Then claim PIP. It's not a means tested benefit and you can work whilst claiming it.

gladtidingss · 05/03/2025 15:53

Anudawan · 05/03/2025 15:51

Said with love compassion and kindness but if you’re barely earning more than £1k a month and live in a tiny studio, I don’t think it’s the right time in your life to be trying for a child

Agreed and the lovely little baby comments show huge naivety about what it's really like bringing up a child. Wait until you're earning more, you have time.

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:53

AFairDistance · 05/03/2025 15:49

Kindly, OP, is that not among the things you do when you sleep with your boyfriend? I’m not getting the whole 1890s outrage at her having sex. It doesn’t sound like an optimal space for a baby, but the sex is hardly anything to get get up about…?

Of course I am not upset that she is having sex!! I’m upset that she is being paid to go abroad and shag her boyfriend!

OP posts:
Redscrunchie · 05/03/2025 15:53

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:49

I am by 50lbs. Went to the doctors was told they'll pay for slimming world which is shite and makes no sense in terms of living off of pasta. Did it years ago and when I went back to eating normally, gained. Fed up of doing things correctly and getting no where and some slapper who has 3 kids by 3 different men gets to do it easy peasy.

Are you saying she's getting it on the NHS? Because very very few people are -you have to: Have a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 35. Have at least one obesity-related health problem, like Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:54

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/03/2025 15:52

Then claim PIP. It's not a means tested benefit and you can work whilst claiming it.

My boyfriend was declined for PIP. Which makes everything much more frustrated. Trust me when I say that to everyone telling me how hard it is to get PIP, we know first hand, and that’s why it is so so upsetting

OP posts:
PandoraSox · 05/03/2025 15:54

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/03/2025 15:52

Then claim PIP. It's not a means tested benefit and you can work whilst claiming it.

Good advice. As PIP is so easy to get* @Jealoussojealous will soon be quids in!🤑🤑🤑

*according to certain posters

imtheholidayarmadillo · 05/03/2025 15:54

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:49

I am by 50lbs. Went to the doctors was told they'll pay for slimming world which is shite and makes no sense in terms of living off of pasta. Did it years ago and when I went back to eating normally, gained. Fed up of doing things correctly and getting no where and some slapper who has 3 kids by 3 different men gets to do it easy peasy.

Well, you lost any chance of sympathy from me when you started with the misogyny and moral judgement.

Iceandfire92 · 05/03/2025 15:55

Why are you trying for a baby when you are a student with a man you aren't married to in a studio flat, struggling to get by? I really don't think a studio flat is the place to bring up a baby. Do you think that would be in the best interest of the child, just because of your own innate desire to have a baby? A child needs stability and space to run around rather than being brought up in what is essentially a room. I think if time permits wait it out a few years. Looking at it another way, your friend will be a single mum in a council house, is that really something to envy?

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:56

Redscrunchie · 05/03/2025 15:53

Are you saying she's getting it on the NHS? Because very very few people are -you have to: Have a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 35. Have at least one obesity-related health problem, like Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease

Nope she's bought it off one of those online chemist's that just hand them out if you fudge the questions in your favour.

gladtidingss · 05/03/2025 15:57

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:56

Nope she's bought it off one of those online chemist's that just hand them out if you fudge the questions in your favour.

So why don't you do the same?

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 05/03/2025 15:57

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:54

My boyfriend was declined for PIP. Which makes everything much more frustrated. Trust me when I say that to everyone telling me how hard it is to get PIP, we know first hand, and that’s why it is so so upsetting

Get your friend to coach him through it then he should be absolutely raking it in, in no time.

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:57

imtheholidayarmadillo · 05/03/2025 15:54

Well, you lost any chance of sympathy from me when you started with the misogyny and moral judgement.

Oh have a day off.

TerrysNeapolitan · 05/03/2025 15:57

OP is you believe you are witnessing a case of benefit fraud then you should report it. There are channels on line to do this. I think it is any honest citizens duty to. Then move away from this friendship if it is causing bother in your own life. You life sounds busy good luck with your studies.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/03/2025 15:57

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:54

My boyfriend was declined for PIP. Which makes everything much more frustrated. Trust me when I say that to everyone telling me how hard it is to get PIP, we know first hand, and that’s why it is so so upsetting

Most PIP claims are rejected and then approved at appeal.

WildJadeWasp · 05/03/2025 15:59

gladtidingss · 05/03/2025 15:57

So why don't you do the same?

Because unlike her I don't have unlimited benefits and spare cash to spend on them. I actually buy things for my child and food etc. Whereas she is always begging for freebies on Facebook, and is always first to comment because she's always on her phone and not parenting.

PandoraSox · 05/03/2025 15:59

Jealoussojealous · 05/03/2025 15:54

My boyfriend was declined for PIP. Which makes everything much more frustrated. Trust me when I say that to everyone telling me how hard it is to get PIP, we know first hand, and that’s why it is so so upsetting

My boyfriend was declined for PIP

That is a bit of a drip feed isn't it?

So. PIP is hard to get, yet your "friend" has found it easy to fake disability and claim it?