My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

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I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

I'd encourage her to try and get a swap. It's weird that they've done this.

Just let her decide when she gets there and meets them. Most boys are not sexual predators. Most are messy. But so are many girls. Most boys will look out for her. DS1 flat was mixed which ended in several relationships or alot of 'flatcest' as he called it. DS2 flat was mixed, all very wealthy and seemed to know each other from the London social scene and were snorting coke when he first met them and he avoided them as much as possible. I think he found the girls the most terrifying. She could move and find a mixed flat has its own issues. I agree boys are generally less drama, less falling out. She will make friends with other flats and on her course. DS used to use the shower on the staircase above because his was often full of vomit. If she's unhappy she can move - maybe to a flat which has a space and where shes already met the occupants.

She will be absolutely fine, boys tend to be less drama than girl roommates.

But if there is a possibility to move her, especially to a place with her own bathroom then I would definitely ask.

Boys are typically much messier than girls and I think their bathroom will be awful.

If she is into sports or anything, then I would encourage her to join some clubs and make some female friends that way.

Its amazing that she’s doing engineering, you must be so proud.

I have lots of guy friends and I get on with them so well but you can’t beat having a couple of good girl friends and so I would absolutely encourage her to put herself out there.

Fuck that if it’s not en suite.
I would contact the uni and ask if they’ve made a mistake asking a woman to share a bathroom with 7 men. Most uni’s have a policy of a minimum of 2 of each sex if single, and ground floor flats have to be entirely male only. Also most mix the courses up so you get a mix of people and know more people.

It's actually a perfectly valid comment, the University will maybe not deal with mummies and daddies when the students are adults and are the people with whom they have any contract regarding accommodation. You can advice your adults offspring and offer your support but they will probably have to deal with the University and, in later years, property companies regarding rented flats etc.

ugh I would not be happy about this
and in particular the bathroom situation. I am a mother of boys by the way.

She'll be fine! She will be like their sister!

As long as she is happy with it, that's fine.

I don't think this is safe. Especially given her educational background.

I'm astonished the university have done this. Really bad idea on so many levels.

I spent my first year at uni living with four boys.
they studied STEM subjects and I studied art.
2 went in to be officers in the army.
I didn’t know any of them when I started.
I wasn’t a lads girl, or a Tom boy.
but it was great.
they were kind and respectful.
they walked me home from club nights.
they took me grocery shopping and paid for most of the food, because they thought girls didn’t eat much, and I cooked some meals, and reminded them to be civilised and clean up.
j met their friends…

I shared a house with 6 males when I was an undergrad - it was absolutely fine! Far less stressful than dealing with a group of women!!!

I've answered that already. Boundaries. Pragmatism. Not expecting 18-year-old boys - en masse, too - to be more mature, self contained and responsible than groups of 30-year-old men.

Why are pp saying things like "they'll be sensible because they've passed exams to get there or they're maths types"

Clever men including mathematicians and engineers can have unacceptable attitudes to women. And those attitudes are less likely to be challenged in a flat of 7 blokes and 1 woman.

This so typical MN, because of course all boys heading off to Uni are planning to sexually assault their housemates. I had many male housemates over the years and it never was unsafe, to the contrary if anything. I even ended up sharing a room with 3 lads at one point during a student summer as there was an accommodation shortage and met two girls who shared a tent with a guy they didn't know. All was respectful. Similarly my sister when she was a working adult had 3 male housemates and was the only girl.

If she is uncomfortable then she can request a change, it should be more balanced for sure. If she is fine with it then let her off. No matter which place she goes there is a risk of an awful housemate, they exist in both sexes so it's pot luck either way.

You don't need to make a big deal about finding female friends. She's an adult, she gets to decide what sort of friends she wants and needs.

Encourage her to dedicate some time to attending new-student events and finding a club or other society unrelated to her course - just remind her that her degree course is a long one and having a social life will be important for balance, so those things are productive uses of her time. If she tells you in the coming months that she's struggling to find the types of friends she wants, ask her if she wants help with possible solutions or just a listening ear. Otherwise, back off and go talk through your worries with your partner or friends and let DD get on with it... this is often the hardest thing to do as a parent, but not putting our anxieties on our children is vital.

If it was en suite rooms I'd not bat an eyelid.

As its communal bathroom - how often do the cleaners come ?
What are the shower arrangements ?
Engineering boys can be spotty towel nicking oiks.
Not threatening, just dumb.

Might be worth asking to go to a flat with at least one other girl

Glad your daughter is being philosophical about it but not acceptable. Contact the university urgently about this situation.
FWIW that has come from a male.

Hmmm I was in a flat like this but mixed courses. 2 girls and 7 blokes, 2 of whom were classed as mature students. We had weekly cleaners for the communal areas but the shared bathrooms were constantly rank amongst other things. I'm wondering if it’s the same uni.

In your DDs case, I’d be requesting a transfer ASAP. I did not enjoy my time in that flat.

I lived with all boys in Uni. It was great, they were like my brothers and I still see most of them now 13 years later 😊 she'll meet girls at clubs or social events and make some female friends too. If I were you I wouldn't be worried

If she can't expect them to be like this, then she shouldn't have to live with them. She's entitled to have her personal boundaries respected without having to self-police her wardrobe.

She'll be fine! I did electronic engineering and computer science and had the same thing. Not every male is swanky as some people seem to think! Don't scare her and push your views on her that it's a bad thing.

I went from a girls school (and a family of sisters) to living on the same floor and sharing a communal bathroom with 8 boys aged 17 (albeit there were a few other girls - whom I never saw - on my floor). my sister is an engineer and in some of her classes she was literally the only female in huge lecture theatres. We were fine and didn’t have a single negative experience. My sister didn’t need a “girl tribe” she had good male friends whom she’s still friends with - and in some cases in business with - 20 years on. Please don’t worry unless something happens that actually gives you cause to worry.

She will find friends and actually probably become quite good friends with the lads on her course. Dh got placed in halls with mostly nursing students (even though he started as engineering). Most of his close uni friends were women and they are lovely and they had such a great time together. He became good friends with their boyfriends (now husbands) too, and many of them went on to share a house in later years.