My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

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I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

Congratulations to your daughter on her results and doing a stem subject. I hope she has a great experience.

Are you sure it’s one bathroom in an 8 person flat? That’s not really very workable regardless of gender. That would worry me the most.

You're right, @JudgeJ . My DD's in her second year and we don't have access to any of her information. We didn't receive anything regarding her first-year accommodation, everything went directly to her. She's also studying engineering and it's certainly male-dominated, she's made female friends mainly through clubs.

If your DD says that she's not bothered, let her try it and she can always request a transfer.

Failing to recognise and accept that sexual harassment and sexual assault on campuses are rising makes you part of the problem.
Of course it's not all men but you are living with blinkers on if you don't recognise there's a real problem in the attitudes beliefs and behaviour of an increasing number of young men.

but I don’t know how to suggest she finds female friends

She is a young adult, only she can navigate this, surely she can do things without following only your suggestions. Maybe she wont have female friends through choice, isnt that ok too? You say you don't know how Uni works so why feel the need to get involved? She will learn quickly how it works and find her own way. She may need to join activities and put herself out but this is often the case anyway, even in a subject popular with girls she still will need to make the effort if there are larger numbers.

"but I don’t know how to suggest she finds female friends that aren’t in her daily circle. I don’t know how uni works."

Eh?

She will be fine. She'll meet loads of female friends on her course, wandering around uni, at societies, doing sports, at the gym, everywhere.

I’d want to swap if I was her. I know it’s stereotypical of me to say, but I think the kitchen and bathroom will be pig styes. I just think boys on the whole are messier and not so great at keeping things clean. Maybe just make it clear to her that she can ask the uni to swap if she needs so she knows it’s an option and point out that it might be great living with the boys but equally it might not and it’s ok if she wants to swap

This is where I am too. I'd request a move.

I'd ask for a swap tbh OP - for a first year, this really doesn't sound great, especially given the shared bathroom scenario.

Chances are they will all be perfectly kind, decent male students. But being the only girl will be daunting for her nonetheless.

I'm actually really surprised that the university has allowed that kind of split tbh and especially for a fresher. Would be a bit different if it were a private halls arrangement where you pick a random room and book it (my DS stays in a Unite Students flat where you can do this for example, albeit the rooms are all ensuite) - because that's a bit more of a 'pot luck' situation and you know this when you book. But if flatshares are being co-ordinated by a university accommodation office then they need to do better.

Ask to go on a waiting list for a swap. There's always a bit of movement in the first term as inevitably plans change/people drop out of courses etc.

@OnlyWhenILaugh fine, she should drop out then and stay at home for the rest of her life where she is safe.

@LoyalJoker Flats type accommodation is not all like old school hall corridors
and LOTS of the rooms are en suite nowadays
(poxy little showers but not shared)

I’d ask for a swap tbh. A mixed sex flat should be just that, not all male and one token woman. Someone has messed up there.

and yes, there’s no guarantee that kitchen areas will be any cleaner with girls there but the bathrooms definitely will be!

So, you have no response to the facts. You choose to ignore the reality rather than challenge it.

Very weird comments… I shared with some boys and after seeing how gross they were none of us wanted to shag them… even the best looking one. Leave her alone she will get on with it. If not she can sort a move… because she’s an adult and you need to make her do things herself.

It really depends on the guys doesn’t it.

How does she feel about it?

If she's uncomfortable with this she can ask accommodation for a swop but she must have not selected single sex as it's always an option in my experience

It will be fine

I was the same at halls many moons ago - also went to a girls school. It was the first time I became friends with guys and it was fine and good

Exactly, @ChipsCheeseAndGravey. Her DD will need to request a swap if she's not happy. Right now, OP says that She seems cheerful or at least ambivalent - she’s not worried.

So there's nothing that the OP can do except reassure her DD that if she's not comfortable when she gets there, she can make the request.

I lived with seven boys in my first year of uni. I was the only girl and I ended up with seven big brothers who looked after me, didn’t objectify me in any way and were all just brilliant. In my second year I was in a more evenly split house and it was a bit rubbish. I’d live with those lads again a thousand times over.

I know several young women who shared with just boys in their flat at uni, and shockingly none of them tried to fuck them. They were all mates. And as I said ended up with brother-sister relationships.

Your post and your ignorant and judgemental attitude speaks volumes about you. Not all young (Uni age) men are sex pests. And the OP has made it clear that her daughter is OK with it.

Try and surround yourself with better men.

The other girls on her course might not want to be with girls.

Those saying "it will be fine" - have you lived with a bunch of lads before?

My ds student place was grim - the kitchen, the bathroom, their bedrooms. Utterly awful. And yes girls can be awful housemates too...... but girls arent a risk in other ways in the way that boys are. Particularly 7 of them altogether.

I dont see how its fair for one girl to be with 7 lads. Not even one other girl within the flat to reach out to if she wants some female support/help. Surely she isnt the only female in the entire year doing engineering? Why not put all the girls doing engineering together?

Id be phoning the uni and asking to be moved to an alternative if I were her.

Only just and one who isn’t that used to be around boys. It sounds pretty daunting

It is a bit strange having everyone all on the same course in one flat. My physics degree daughter would have hated that, working with physics and living with physics too. Maybe the uni can put her into another flat? But, if shes happy, then no need to press the issue further.