My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

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I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

In that case the 90's was general debauchery. Block of 30 mixed students, almost all had some sort of interconnected relations at one juncture.

Try not.to worry it could be fine. DS had a mixed flat in 1st year, granted en suite it was a tip, the girls were the worst. We had an entertaining boxing day as he read me exerts form the flat group chat. 2nd year was all boys and very tidy. When he did share with girlsn1st n 3rd year he treated them.like his sister, so would make sure.they got home safe and even rescued a drunk one from the SU. I have to say I'm surprised they have put.her in alone thougbas his uni was single sex or at least 2 of 6 the same Also really only one bathroom, most flats of 8 I've seen have at least 2

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Wow, I'm new to Mumsnet...I saw a post about Uni and thought I would interact, wish I hadn't!...I didn't say boys should be expected to be caretakers! I was just trying to offer reassurance to the original post! Everyone is different and has their own views but to be so negative than rather offer suggestions and support?!?

As an adult female engineer, who was once upon a time and engineering student when there were far fewer girls than there are now:

Find the women in stem / women in engineering society, there will almost certainly be one.

See if there’s an Engineers without borders (or similar humanitarian type engineering Soc). They’re disproportionately attract female engineers.

Join some non engineering related activities. Music, art, creative type ones are pretty girl heavy. Don’t need anything with previous experience, halls netball team, rock gospel choir, knitting club etc. brings some balance compared to the engineering life.

In general though, engineering boys are nice boys. It’s a tough course, so being among other people doing similar has a lot of advantages. It’s tough when you’re surrounded by people doing English with three lectures a week. This way they’ll all be in the same boat.

I forgot to say I have 40 near years now working
in a totally male dominated industry,
your daughter will in her field probably find that it’s make dominant, actually thinking making friends with her peers in her field will long term be a real bonus .
don’t panic stay positive and trust her ok
good luck OP

I'm a female engineer. The girls in my halls had no common interests with me, the boys did. It'll depend on the lads she's with to a large extent. Some will adopt her as a little sister, some will be creeps and everything in between. You just don't know until shes there and living there.

Make sure she has a plan for if she is made to feel unsafe, but other than that, assume those lads will treat her like a sister. She doesn't need female friends...just friends she can trust, gender doesn't matter.

Fairplay to the poster above who mentioned the decade might be relevant!

This was in the 2000s.

Yes, it would be more instructive to hear experiences with students who were at school in the mid-2010s, when more than half of children had started watching violent porn by the age of 13.

This is from the Children's Commissioner's report, January 2023:

Young people are frequently exposed to violent pornography, depicting coercive, degrading or pain-inducing sex acts; 79% had encountered violent pornography before the age of 18. Young people expressed concern about the implications of violent pornography on their understanding of the difference between sexual pleasure and harm. Indeed, this report finds that frequent users of pornography are more likely to engage in physically aggressive sex acts.

‘‘It reinforces negative ideas towards young people and children that women have a place below men, they are objects of desire, and can be hurt and sexually abused as long as it results in male gratification'

• 47% of respondents stated that girls expect sex to involve physical aggression. • A further 42% of respondents stated that girls enjoy physically aggressive sex acts.

Almost half, 47%, of respondents aged 18-21 had experienced a sexually violent act.

As the findings of this research demonstrate, consumption of degrading, aggressive and coercive pornography closely associates with real-life behaviours. Those who are first exposed to pornography at a young age appear to be more vulnerable to its impacts, as do frequent users of pornography. This research also finds that the real-world consequences of violent pornography are felt acutely by girls and young women.

... While not making assumptions about these boys or, indeed, all male students, it would be idiotic to ignore the changed cultural environment in which they've grown up. More than half of girls at UK universities now experience sexual violence. The risks are the same as they always were, only now they're far more intensively present.

MNers who work in universities have repeatedly affirmed this. I wouldn't be surprised if the person allocating the accommodation had mistakenly assumed OP's daughter is a boy.

I work in a male dominated environment and I am often the only woman. I like my colleagues but it can still be daunting specially in social occasions when there is a big group of them specially when alcohol is involved.
I would advise your daughter to move to a more mixed environment flat. Specially with the bathroom sharing.. Boys can be very immature specially when in big groups

Bear in mind all those lads will be actively trying to mix with other girls so they’ll be inviting lots back for parties, pre’s, to hang out etc, it won’t be just your daughter and all lads at all don’t worry. They’ll mix with other neighbouring flats to some extent too. Hope she has a fab time. Sure she will.

I think it could work out OK either way. But she will see plenty of the guys in lectures and practicals, it might be nice to have some female company in time off. If you are going to work in engineering you have to be able to get on with men professionally though.

Didn't say they act as girl keepers...was saying they may all form a friendship bond where they look out for each other...

I know it’s not fashionable to care about safeguarding these days, but this situation is crazy to me. Are we all meant to pretend the high number of sexual assaults don’t happen at universities now, in order not to offend the mothers of boys?

A big no no, I would ask if she can be allocated a space in a more mixed accommodation.
Of course not all male students behave badly but one can't tell who the ones with bad behaviour are.
Better safe than sorry.

I read an article from my old university college after the first lockdown, when they had roomed people by subject to reduce mixing; the author was the only girl reading her subject in that college. She had also been at an all-girls school. In her article she said it had turned out to be absolutely fine, and she'd opted to live with some of them the following year.

She'll find her own friends I'm sure, but tell her not to become the mummy for all those boys and clear up after them. They need a few ground rules and they all have to clear up after themselves - easier said than done. I've never been in a flat yet where everyone stuck to those rules but I can see the boys taking advantage of a lone female.

I shared with 5 lads in a uni halls flat. Only female.

i already had a boyfriend who also came to same uni as me but in a different halls.

it was great tbf, really looked after me, made sure I was ok and we all mostly had a great relationship.

one night I decided to stay at my db halls and didn’t tell my flat mates (before mobiles were a thing) they were all waiting for me with folded arms in the morning and gave me a lecture about safety and they were worried about me. It was like having five dads at times 😂. I never once felt unsafe though.

That. Make sure she doesn’t become the de facto maid.

I think the uni are not being reasonable and a girl should not have to share with only boys, especially with a shared bathroom. Either a 50:50 mix or girls only. The boys may all be lovely but there are many issues with misogyny, sexual harassment, and as someone else posted, access to hardcore porn at a young age. I’m surprised the uni thought this would be a good idea. Sharing with all boys you know and choose to live with is very different to sharing with strangers.

Agree. I've seen an increase in issues around sexual harassment and inappropriate behaviour that my female tutees are coming to me about. I'd be uncomfortable with this. It's just a mitigation of risk to have more balance mix of female and male.

Freshers week and socialising yes, that will be good for her. I also went to an all girls school, so wasn't concerned about meeting boys when I went to technical college to study an engineering subject. They were just there. A bit rowdy but mostly OK. As long as she isn't pressured into cleaning the bathroom or doing similar domestic chores on their behalf I wouldn't worry. Working in a mostly male sphere means you get a different viewpoint as well as your own which makes a valuable contribution to your work. Anyone know a male designer who can design a bathroom and loo that is female friendly? I've not met one yet. Just make sure her door locks securely.

Wish her all success from me. She will be a great ambassador for equality in such a male oriented environment. We need more women like her.

And I would think that your son is somewhat unusual for a teenage boy! My son's bedroom was toxic, we never went in unless we ran out of plates. He's different now he's a parent, but I can't imagine what the bathroom would have been like if I hadn't cleaned it!

Although surely if there is one arsehole then that Arsehole will be the same arsehole whether in a mixed or single sex household?

Mine is in a flat with mostly boys and it's absolutely fine. The worst thing they do is leave a bit of a mess in the kitchen which is a happy trade-off for less bitchiness (which always rears its ugly head in all-female environments).