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My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

282 replies

ForkTines · 19/09/2024 20:30

I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2024 20:48

Beth216 · 19/09/2024 20:45

Give it a week or two and if she's not happy get her to put in for a move. I always wonder what on earth universities are thinking when the stick one girl in with all boys. My floor were really close when i was at uni, I would have hated not to have some girls to make friends with.

Considering the issue universities have with sexual offending, you'd think they would do a minimal amount of thinking.

I'd ask for a move OP.

LoyalJoker · 19/09/2024 20:49

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persisted · 19/09/2024 20:50

She might be fine, she might not be. But that would apply whoever she was sharing with, no guarantee you'll get on with someone just because they're a girl.

Give it a try and swap if there's an issue, no drama required.

Ifoughthefight · 19/09/2024 20:50

I am not sure what this looks like? You mean a room without a key in another big massive flat with 6 other bedrooms all open day and night to each other or?

bergamotorange · 19/09/2024 20:52

Ifoughthefight · 19/09/2024 20:50

I am not sure what this looks like? You mean a room without a key in another big massive flat with 6 other bedrooms all open day and night to each other or?

Surely the bedrooms have locks?

Garlictest · 19/09/2024 20:53

This should be okay - and if it isn't, she can ask for swap. BUT I'm saying it's okay on the presumption that:
She has her own bathroom,
There's a lock on her door,
She wears full-length pyjamas,
She can staunchly resist being pushed into a mummy/wife/housekeeper role.

How's DD feeling about it?

ChristmasJumpers · 19/09/2024 20:54

Ifoughthefight · 19/09/2024 20:50

I am not sure what this looks like? You mean a room without a key in another big massive flat with 6 other bedrooms all open day and night to each other or?

Usually a shared kitchen/living area and your own bedroom with a lockable door. Some are ensuite and some share bathrooms

LoyalJoker · 19/09/2024 20:54

This reply has been deleted

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ChristmasJumpers · 19/09/2024 20:55

Garlictest · 19/09/2024 20:53

This should be okay - and if it isn't, she can ask for swap. BUT I'm saying it's okay on the presumption that:
She has her own bathroom,
There's a lock on her door,
She wears full-length pyjamas,
She can staunchly resist being pushed into a mummy/wife/housekeeper role.

How's DD feeling about it?

Full length pyjamas???

pinkspotty · 19/09/2024 20:57

Engineering so serious maths boys? They will probably be terrified of her. She will be the boss of that flat.
She just needs to join some other clubs to meet other girls. Also likely to find the odd girl on the course?
I doubt the boys will be a problem to her engineers can be rather umm how shall I say this ?? passionate about engineering maybe???? from my own experience of a very heavy engineering university.
She may want to swap so she has someone to have a decent conversation with.
I'm sure she will be ok though if she can't.

jelliestfish · 19/09/2024 20:57

What a silly approach to assigning accommodation, as if they want to reduce everyone's social opportunities rather than expand them.

I would recommend asking to swap BEFORE she moves in. It will be much worse if she requests it after moving in as the men may see it as a rejection, which could make things more awkward. She could be in their sphere for several more years having to navigate that.

ForkTines · 19/09/2024 20:57

I’m not a helicopter or worrier parent. She went to an all girls grammar because she passed the 11 plus and got in - I’m not worried about boys and wouldn’t have chosen a single sex school if it wasn’t an amazing school. She got amazing grades because she got an amazing education. Something everyone should have but doesn’t get.

It’s not en-suite.

She’s not really had anything to do with boys other than family since year 7. It’s going to be a big learning curve on where friendship starts and stops.

OP posts:
Garlictest · 19/09/2024 20:58

ChristmasJumpers · 19/09/2024 20:55

Full length pyjamas???

Yeah, I know 😂 I wandered around mixed halls in a towel sometimes. That didn't pass without sleazy comments, though, and I've been in enough mixed shares to be familiar with young men's enthusiasm for a scantily-dressed female body first thing in the morning. I just think the pyjamas are part of the boundary setting DD will have to do, unless these chaps are all paragons of respectful equality.
It's pragmatism, not prudery.

RitzyMcFee · 19/09/2024 20:58

Full length pyjamas and condoms? Confused

I lived with a mix of boys and girls and so does my dd now. I wouldn't want to live with all boys, whatever pyjamas I had...

I think it's a strange idea to put people in halls according to their course. Surely it's better to mix people up.

SaltandPepper22 · 19/09/2024 20:59

I’ve shared with boys before and if anything you end up with a brotherly-sisterly vibe.

I think either is possible - I met my husband in university halls, we were in the same flat and it was not brotherly or sisterly from day one!

OP she will be fine - there will be other girls on her course and they will gravitate towards each other.

gegs73 · 19/09/2024 21:01

When DS was in halls he wasn’t really friends with anyone in his flat of 8, he hung round with people in neighbouring flats so if she doesn’t get on with them I’m sure she’ll do the same. However, I’d of hated that as an 18 year old starting uni, can she swop?

Pinkstuffs · 19/09/2024 21:01

Some comments on this thread are ridiculous.

Honestly OP with no en-suite I’d ask for her to be moved. The bathrooms will be disgusting and she doesn’t want to become a cleaner. With 6 boys she will be seriously outnumbered. Not everyone that does engineering is a geek and there’s no guarantee they will become her ‘brothers’.

MumonabikeE5 · 19/09/2024 21:02

Great that she is in with course mates, because that will help with study pairs etc.

imagine being in a hall with mostly women, she’d find it hard to make connections in her course.

although surely she can’t be the only female in her course?

Ifoughthefight · 19/09/2024 21:03

hm. Not ensuite. In my country we had whole blocks with rooms en suite and girls only or boys shared rooms, in 2 or 3. Next room could be boys next to your girls one, but all lockable , like studio flats with beds in them

MigGril · 19/09/2024 21:04

Would have been nice if they could have found one other female student.

I was in a flat of 9, 2 female the rest boys. Mixed physics and computer science students. To be honest it's been the same way most of my life due to picking a very male dominant working field. It may just be good for her to get used to it.

RitzyMcFee · 19/09/2024 21:05

imagine being in a hall with mostly women, she’d find it hard to make connections in her course.

I can't agree. You don't have to live in halls with someone to 'make connections'

MildredSauce · 19/09/2024 21:06

Pinkstuffs · 19/09/2024 21:01

Some comments on this thread are ridiculous.

Honestly OP with no en-suite I’d ask for her to be moved. The bathrooms will be disgusting and she doesn’t want to become a cleaner. With 6 boys she will be seriously outnumbered. Not everyone that does engineering is a geek and there’s no guarantee they will become her ‘brothers’.

I don't know. My daughter shared with a 50/50 mix and the girls were far messier than the lads.

The thing to do is to go, and see how it is. She'll know pretty sharpish if it's all good or she wants a move.

Butterflyfern · 19/09/2024 21:06

bergamotorange · 19/09/2024 20:46

How does she feel about it?

I think this is the most important thing.

TBF, in a mixed flat she'd be just as likely to potentially suffer sexist comments etc. I'd just advise her to get out and meet people and join clubs during Freshers week, but I'd recommend that regardless of who her flatmates are.

No ensuite is a shame, but again, that would apply to a mixed flat as well. Still, I lived like that at uni (including the year I lived with 4 boys) and was never particularly phased by it. Now I'd be horrified at sharing a bathroom with a stranger. It's all part of growing up I guess!

Wonderlust233 · 19/09/2024 21:09

Do they share a kitchen and bathroom?

If I was her I would beg the accommodation for a swap. They can swap you.

The boy flats are always really grimy. Just mess everywhere and the bathroom is disgusting.

Susieblue18 · 19/09/2024 21:11

It’s obviously meant to be a mixed flat so I think that’s really unfair of the uni to only put one girl in the flat. I guess it depends how she feels about it. It could go either way, in that the boys really look after her and introduce her to their female friends etc or she could feel a bit of an outsider. I would be tempted to suggest she gives it a few weeks and if not happy ask to be moved.

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