Please help me melt his heart ❤️

[Heybearu]

So having had a really not great time on online dating...I've finally started to speak with someone I would like to impress. Ladies he sings, he bakes bread, he reads he's the main parent. I'm in heaven.
Id like to give him a book at our first date....he likes most genres...nothing like super seedy tho as he's quite wholesome...what can I give him that will melt his heart so I get to keep him forever?
Or at last so he looks back and thinks that was cool.
Help please x

Why is it sick?
Do you have avoidant attachment?

I appreciate the concern and advice. I will do an update in a few days/ months / weeks about whether it crashed and burned or not
Our book is a jokey thing but I think no matter how I try to explain it it'll be wrong either way.
I'm just going to enjoy the connection while it's there what will be will be or won't be. Book or no book.

No it isn't harsh. As for the poster who said you're being very thoughtful, no you're not, you're over-thinking it. Reminds me of a girl I bumped into once at a party. She surprised me by saying' If I haven't met Prince Charming by midnight, I'll leave'. What I should have said to her was, 'maybe you'll meet him tonight, but you won't nessicarily know he's the man for you. Taking books, preparing songs, is this is Disney film?

Bloody hell, op.
Stop accusing people of trauma and avoidant attachment when they can see how this is likely to turn out.
It’s making you look very odd and nasty.
Not cool.

Avoidant attachment!! You speak as if you’re with this man in a relationship.

You don’t know him

Karma sutra hun. He’ll keep you then ha ha

Agreed, it was rubbish.

Sorry, OP, but the way you’re coming across as so over invested in someone who you haven’t even met, it’s more likely that YOU may have some trauma and self esteem issues that need addressing, never mind anyone else. You’re on course to get really hurt and abused here because you are fantasising and your expectations are way too high, and that makes people vulnerable love bombing and ignoring red flags. Be open minded, but proceed with caution.

Have you spoke on the phone yet? I've recently discovered that doing a video chat on the dating app (if yours has it) is a great way to have a sort of 'pre-date'. The plus sides are you can get a feel for someone to see if you'd like to meet in person, you don't have to give your number and you don't have the faff of going somewhere to meeting someone to find out you don't click well. If the call goes well great, if you (or him) aren't feeling it you don't have to take it any further and waste your time.

I did this last week and although we messaged for days and got on really well in chat, there was just no spark when we video called.

Oh, my goodness! Enjoy these feelings! Even if it goes appallingly badly what's the point in starting it all off miserable. I love the idea of the note book and Chapter one written in it, super funny and sweet!

Thank you for your amusing and positive thread...I'll admit I only read your parts of the thread though and your humour was brilliant and appreciated.

I mean id love to be this bold 🤣

It sounds romantic. But it isn't. It takes a great deal of research to find a book someone will like that they don't already own. I've had several boyfriends attempt to buy me Agatha Christie novels. One owned more than I did (lovely guy) and lent me ones I hadn't read instead. One asked my Mum what I already had. One bought me a book on Agatha Christie that I already owned - and my Mum had helped write 😂. Ironically I married the third one. But generally being bought a book is horrible - it was embarrassing to explain about the third one...

Have you heard of a little concept known as humour?

The 'do you have avoidant attachment?' was meant in a 'did you mean to be so rude' tone 🤦🤣🤣☺️

I've never said I think i know him...I just quite want him...but it seems the expectation is just to be very distant and sensible ....which I find hard when there are so many potential carbs on offer.

Not distant, just err on the side of caution because it's easy to get swept away, which can make you vulnerable to not seeing red flags.

I’m a huge reader and a huge romantic. But even I think that’s very teenage!

Sick making not sick as in makes you want to vomit.

I know this much is true.... by wally lamb. Awesome book

Certainly. This isn’t it.

Hi @Heybearu ignore all the unromantics on here! If it feels the right thing to do then buy him a book!! The shadow of the wind by Carlos Ruiz zafon is a good one! Someone mentioned The Alchemist which is also great. Good luck and let us know how the date goes!

Don't do this. It's weird.

I recommend this epic.

Please don't become so emotionally invested in someone based on texts.
My soon to be ex husband "baked his own bread" whilst I ended up taking on the male role because all he ended up doing was baking bread and couldn't do much else.
People can come accross however they choose to in texts. It's not reality.

It’s lovely and good luck. After a stretch of shocking online dating I met my wonderful OH, almost 6 years now. We sent each other poems, recommended books right from the start - because we both loved them. Keep us posted!

The more you reply to people the more obvious it is that you are either
a) winding people up with this thread OR
b) have serious issues surrounding relationships