Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Please help me melt his heart ❤️

349 replies

Heybearu · 16/09/2024 20:24

So having had a really not great time on online dating...I've finally started to speak with someone I would like to impress. Ladies he sings, he bakes bread, he reads he's the main parent. I'm in heaven.
Id like to give him a book at our first date....he likes most genres...nothing like super seedy tho as he's quite wholesome...what can I give him that will melt his heart so I get to keep him forever?
Or at last so he looks back and thinks that was cool.
Help please x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Curtainsformeplease · 17/09/2024 13:55

I’m strangely invested in this now and hoping for a happy romance for you OP. ❤️
When is your first date? Please let us know how you get on but do take care as well.

pikkumyy77 · 17/09/2024 13:56

Pyjamatimenow · 16/09/2024 20:39

Are you hoping to adopt him? You’re not his mother. Literally sounds like you’re trying out your own version of ‘How to lose a guy in ten days’? This kind of behaviour is probably why you’re struggling with OLD. Stop investing in men you don’t know.

Agreed. The book thing us weird. If irs not a book that you love how can it mean anything? Its so fake and forced to think of this poor man as some kind of fish that needs to be hooked. Have some self respect! Just be yourself.

SirChenjins · 17/09/2024 15:15

DesigningWoman · 17/09/2024 13:46

It’ll have to be whatever he knows the chords to. So the OP may have said ‘Make You Feel My Love’ but end up with ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’.

Stairway to Heaven is what most blokes start with, isn't it?! Dear god OP, if he starts this cross your legs and get out of there quickly.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

MissAshworth · 17/09/2024 17:20

SirChenjins · 17/09/2024 15:15

Stairway to Heaven is what most blokes start with, isn't it?! Dear god OP, if he starts this cross your legs and get out of there quickly.

So true…

Please help me melt his heart ❤️
FuckingCheek · 17/09/2024 17:23

As a embittered, middle aged cynic bah humbug this thread made me smile 😁

Hope it goes well.

Healingsfall · 17/09/2024 17:32

"I definitely am too invested, but it's quite hard for me not to be, I'm a heart on my sleeve type person,"

Just be careful, OP. Have you had much time being single? I only ask because I went from one to another to another throughout my life and put up with alsorts. It's only since I've been single for 3 years that I've actually become content on my own and am now in a position where it would be nice to meet someone but I would always approach with caution and not 'rush in' like before (where I ignored all the red flags).

I hope it works out, but just approach slowly with your eyes wide open. He's learning a song for a woman he's never met? Red flag for me. It might seem romantic, but it's showing signs of love bombing.

I'd get to know his family dynamic, especially as he's in the main parent role. From my experience, men who are that wonderful; parenting, baking, cooking, singing, and other Mary Poppins type features aren't single (unless he'd widowed?) because their wives wouldn't let them go.

I'm not trying to put a dampener on it, but just saying please approach with optimism, yes, but also caution.

teenmaw · 17/09/2024 17:36

I'm invested now and just bookmarking to see how this pantomime turns out! 😁 Please update OP, I hope he is all you expect and hope 🤞🏼🤞🏼

DesigningWoman · 17/09/2024 17:36

SirChenjins · 17/09/2024 15:15

Stairway to Heaven is what most blokes start with, isn't it?! Dear god OP, if he starts this cross your legs and get out of there quickly.

With my brother it was ‘House of the Rising Sun’. For years.

gerryk62 · 17/09/2024 17:56

Why would you buy a man a book on first date
😂😂😂😳😳

RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 18:00

Heybearu · 17/09/2024 13:02

I love Adrian so I'll take this as a compliment 😂😂
I do understand the cynicism although the brutal delivery of so many of you makes me sorry for your trauma.

I was just trying to do something lovely but I've worked out my option now and for a later date. And I do love to read but felt unsure of what kind of book might be good to share ..I would make sure it was one I had also read. I

He's actually learning my favourite song to sing to me on the guitar at the moment. So seems potentially a little more interested than Pandora.

Wil it probably be a disaster, yes.

But I'm going to enjoy feeling this lovely, uncynical appreciation of another human being while I can :) until he asks to borrow my credit card 😂😂

Wow
"I do understand the cynicism although the brutal delivery of so many of you makes me sorry for your trauma.'
Frankly at this point go right ahead, knock yourself out, book the reception and the honeymoon while youre at it.

Hellodollydaydream · 17/09/2024 18:04

Why would you assume he went to university?

Sepoctnov · 17/09/2024 18:05

FaiIureToLunch · 16/09/2024 20:43

Christ no OP.…he’s got to try and win YOU, not the other way around.

My thoughts exactly.

As PP said it's not a job interview or test to impress. At least it shouldn't be!

I wouldn't bother with a book or present on the first date. Just turn up and be yourself, if you enjoy his company, go ahead and see him.

RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 18:05

DesigningWoman · 17/09/2024 09:18

It’s a cheesy Hallmark movie in novel form, and insultingly reductive about depression and suicidal ideation.

You can see exactly how my date would go if the guy showed up with a copy of this for me.

Cheesy Hallmark describes his whole oeuvre and persona.

iwfja · 17/09/2024 18:07

He's actually learning my favourite song to sing to me on the guitar at the moment. So seems potentially a little more interested than Pandora.

Fucking hell.

But if you like that sort of thing and don't find it sick-making fine, go ahead and enjoy.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 17/09/2024 18:09

Anam Cara (Soul Friend in Irish) - John O’Donohue
The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo

RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 18:10

Heybearu · 17/09/2024 13:03

It's proper ..artisan poncy bread. ..I didn't even know the names of some of the breads he's told me about! 😂

Like on this list or 100's of others ?
edition.cnn.com/travel/article/world-50-best-breads/index.html

RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 18:11

SpiritOfEcstasy · 17/09/2024 18:09

Anam Cara (Soul Friend in Irish) - John O’Donohue
The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran
The Alchemist - Paulo Coehlo

Perfect for love struck teenagers

SpiritOfEcstasy · 17/09/2024 18:22

RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 18:11

Perfect for love struck teenagers

Anam Cara is a beautifully written celtic philosophy book. John O’Donohue - the author was a poet, a priest, and Hegelian philosopher.
100 million copies of The Prophet have been sold worldwide. 150 million copies of The Alchemist …
I’m going to have to disagree that lovestruck teenagers globally were blowing their pocket monies on the above ….

GiddyRobin · 17/09/2024 18:28

OP, my DH is one of the romantic sorts. Looks like he stepped out of a classic romance novel/period drama, courted me, wooed me, and is still doing so ten years on. Love letters and the whole nine yards. Literally a whirlwind of romance and passion and I'm a swooning fangirl for him. These types do exist!

BUT. You haven't met this bloke yet! He could absolutely turn out to be lovely, but he might also be a lovebombing weirdo or...an exaggerator. I'm really hoping it's the former for you, but please take a moment to breathe!

Definitely don't do the book thing. Maybe plan a fun date that includes bookshops if the first goes well. Be measured in your excitement as best you can - don't make the whole first meeting about how wonderful he is, either. Let him show you (consistently) that he's the man he says he is. Let him be interested in you, too!

I'm totally rooting for you, OP. Romance is incredible and we should never let ourselves believe it's all false. Just go easily and go slowly, and take care of yourself. Have a wonderful time!

nameXname · 17/09/2024 18:43

@OP Just assuming that all this is real:

  1. be yourself. Be polite but say exactly what you think/feel. No other option is even worth considering for a long-term relationship.
  2. get him -if you can - to be himself also. Not always easy, alas,
  3. making bread is simple. There are various trad intuitive recipes - can post one if you like - or others based on either (?genuine) liking for exotic cuisines or (??desire to impress). Home made bread is great - make it myself - but what's needed is something simple and suitable for everyday, rather than occasional show-off complicated fireworks from time to time.
  4. talk about books all you like -if he really IS interested - but don't give him one. Especially not middlebrow lit.
  5. partners writing a book together is very old news and not always popular/successful. Most books are commissioned by publishers, who know (or think they know, on the basis of extensive market research) what will sell.The 'slush pile' of unsolicited submissions is justly named.

Again, to repeat myself - be as honest as you can and try to get him to be the same.

Mere1 · 17/09/2024 18:46

The Catcher in the Rye is more of interest to early adolescents?

CauliflowerBalti · 17/09/2024 19:00

I get the instinct. I once went on an OLD with a man - first date - and I was covered in insect bites. He very sweetly bought me a bag of aloe Vera-type relief gels.

Another guy bought me an onion - long story.

it didn’t go anywhere with either not because of their gifts - they were very sweet - but because they both tried really hard and it made me feel cornered and panicky.

So only gift if he’s gifting too - if you’re both that type. Meet his energy.

I hope it works out brilliantly for you. And when you are at book gifting stage, I’d give Isabella Tree’s ’Wilding’.

CauliflowerBalti · 17/09/2024 19:01

Mere1 · 17/09/2024 18:46

The Catcher in the Rye is more of interest to early adolescents?

That book being any grown adult’s favourite is a huge red flag to me. If you still admire Holden Caulfield in your 30s… nope.

IfOnlyTheyWent · 17/09/2024 19:21

When is the first date?! Heybearu
I think it's all very romantic and exciting.
And please give him my suggested book, either on the first or second date Grin

OpenHeartZoo · 17/09/2024 19:21

If he sings, reads, creates and is emotionally intelligent (and if you want to plant a romantic seed) he might enjoy Just Kids by songwriter, poet and indie icon Patti Smith - true story of a young Patti & eccentric artist lover being wild whirling dervishes together to the backdrop of a colourful underground New York in the swinging 60’s & 70’s.
Beautifully written and an award winner.
Hiiiiighly recommend! Best of the luck for the blossoming romance ❤️

“In 1967, a chance meeting between two young people led to a romance and a lifelong friendship that would carry each to international success never dreamed of. The backdrop is Brooklyn, Chelsea Hotel, Max's Kansas City, Scribner's Bookstore, Coney Island, Warhol's Factory and the whole city resplendent. Among their friends, literary lights, musicians and artists such as Harry Smith, Bobby Neuwirth, Allen Ginsberg, Sandy Daley, Sam Shepherd, William Burroughs, etc. It was a heightened time politically and culturally; the art and music worlds exploding and colliding. In the midst of all this two kids made a pact to always care for one another. Scrappy, romantic, committed to making art, they prodded and provided each other with faith and confidence during the hungry years--the days of cous-cous and lettuce soup.

Just Kids begins as a love story and ends as an elegy. Beautifully written, this is a profound portrait of two young artists, often hungry, sated only by art and experience. And an unforgettable portrait of New York, her rich and poor, hustlers and hellions, those who made it and those whose memory lingers near.”