AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

I'm.with you. He could've gone in the bathroom or waited till DC was out.

Thanks

Eurgh...no problem with the wanking per se but using porn and doing it where the kids could walk in? Grim.

Urgh. Wanking plus porn? What a turn on, said no woman ever.

I cannot be bothered about it as long as it's done away from the kids and not when he should be parenting with me.

He needs to make sure he's somewhere private for this when there are dc in the house, that's really not ok.

No one "needs" to orgasm daily. He wants to it's a choice. It's negatively affecting your relationship in multiple ways. Its affecting his own judgement in creating a safe environment for his family.

I'd suggest you both look into sex addiction/porn addiction.

Pbse podcast would be a great place to start. Your brain on porn website

For you a support group on reddit called love after porn.

Helping couples heal podcast

Omar minwhalla secret sexual basement and integrity abuse.

The naked truth project or the laurel centre.

Have a read/listen to some of those and see if you relate to any of it.

What's wrong with winking?

If your dc has caught him presumably he would be now packing his stuff? Remind him wanking is a private hobby. Done in bloody private.

Vile! 😖

"What's wrong with winking?"

Thank you, I thought he was wunking and that would've been a big problem.

Agree. He was somewhere private: the bedroom. He should have locked the door, but otherwise I don't see the issue.

Nothing wrong with wanking per se but this is horrible and disrespectful. Also knowing his DCs could walk in, wtf?
It would put me right off.

You are unreasonable to want to dictate what he does with his own body. If the roles were reversed this thread would be filled with very different responses.

I just winked about 5 times in a minute.

There’s nothing wrong or vile about masturbating or doing it daily or doing it first thing in the morning or in your own bed. All of which are perfectly normal and healthy. Only potential issue with what you have said is he should have ensured privacy. As you state you are having bigger issues with sex in general. Seems like you are projecting here. Your dh wanking isn’t the issue.

What? rather than get her DCs breakfast in the morning she stayed in bed and had a wank, watching porn with the door unlocked.

Yeh, Id say "you go girl"

It's nothing to do with what he does with his own body, it's how he is impacting others. He risked a seriously inappropriate encounter for the DC and he let OP carry the domestic weight when there was work to be done.

In your own time and in a private space - when you have dc any room with an unlocked door just is not a private space. Unless they're safely asleep at night before anyone comes for me!

Aren’t you sore?

I guess we’ll just have to wait til the next thread about mum wanking upstairs while dad fixes the kid’s breakfast, to see if you’re right!

Would he mind if you were doing the same?

Suspect he would

I need to wink every hour or so. Sore or not.

Wanking = not an issue.

Wanking in the middle of the kitchen at breakfast time = the issue.

Shes not dictating what he can or can't do with his body.

Time and place and all that, and maybe choosing to go and watch porn and wank in a room instead of taking part in family life and breakfast prep etc for his children isn't the time or place.

It must be hard to have a wank in private when you live with a partner and small child and he's entitled to enjoy his body in private and without shame (although not to prioritise that over everything else!)

Presumably he thought your child was downstairs having breakfast with you and that he'd be able to have a few minutes to himself? Are you more upset that he wasn't up and helping you or that he was wanking?

If the issue is that he should have been up and doing something else then address that, maybe chat about the morning routine and when you can both find alone / private time / time to yourselves if you need it.