AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

Tell him to do it in the evenings when everyone is asleep. He can take his time, and no one is likely to walk in on him.

The OP has no winking issues that they have divuldged to us

If the wind changes and you get stuck halfway through it'll turn you blind.

I don't think it's an issue. He thought you and the child were downstairs. If your worried about the child walking in maybe suggest that he puts a lock on the door. How do you insure privacy when you have sex?

Why is it that every time there’s a thread about men wanking there’s a load of posters who chime in with ‘’hilarious’’ jokes and puns, totally ignoring the OP’s obvious upset about the situation?
Like that one where they had argued and the guy was loudly groaning while doing it in the shower, clearly to cause the OP hurt and make her feel rejected, and nearly every post was some silly ‘joke’ with hardly anyone addressing her feelings. Utterly puerile and unkind.

He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

This is a bigger issue imo.
Not only he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions (children who could have walk in on him, not parenting ….) but he is deflecting and making it your fault because you dint have sex with him as much as HE wants.

Meanwhile, the fa t you’ve given birth, have young children obviously don’t even feature in his ‘analysis’…

I suspect you have many more issues other than that one. Incl him not stepping up as a father agd taking responsibilities around the home and parenting.
And him thinking his wants and needs have priorities over everyone else
(because unfortunately that’s what his actions are saying)

Shouldn’t it be

Why does HE not suggest and put a lock in?

It wouldn’t solve the issue that he is there getting his jollies ‘because the OP doesn’t do her work of having sex with him everyday’ whilst she is the one running around sorting the dcs out.
Im not even sure how he managed to relax enough to have an orgasm in those conditions tbh.

Wanking aside, what's all the horror at him "not parenting" at that particular moment. OP doesn't suggest he's a bad father, lazy, hands off. Just that he wasn't "parenting" at that particular moment. She was making breakfast for one child, not catering a state banquet, so it's hardly an all hands to the pump scenario. This morning I stayed in bed with a cuppa while DH fed the kids. Should I be shamed for "not parenting"??

Nobody is. We all wrote in support of the OP. Then someone,by mistake wrote "whats wrong with winking?" so people just joked. Still supporting OP. Someone else put "wanking in the kitchen" as they hadnt read the thread properly, which caused an hilarious comment.

Nearly everyone is saying OP is right to feel pissed off.
Theres only a couple of "right to enjoy his own body" eejits who are missing the point entirely.

He needs to be more discreet but other than that, I don't think he's done anything wrong. Most people masturbate, women included.

I'd have laughed and chucked a pillow at him

Yeah this.

Also agree with the other poster who said the outrage at the fact a child could have walked in whilst he was having a wank. Well if there's no lock on the door then they could easily walk in whilst you're having sex too - no difference really. And easier to hide a wank.

He needs to orgasm every single day!? How exhausting for you. You are not being unreasonable, your child could have easily walked in. Seems a strange time to be having a wank when the rest of the family are having breakfast downstairs.

Agree it’s not great to do it with young child around but your attitude is puzzling. You never help him out? Little snog while he’s having an wank? And you ‘turn a blind eye’ - it’s not a bad thing to do! You are married! Not his mother

I'm informed men have supersensitive hearing whilst having a wank, so perhaps he was happy for you to catch him. Had he heard the childs footsteps he would probably have put it away already.

Bloody Hell! He was having a wank, (albeit in a rather inappropriate place and time), Not turning into a multiple sex abuser and rapist. Mumsnet is awash with advice and reviews of vibrators, but as soon as anyone refers to men self pleasuring the knives come out.

@MightyGoldBear

I'd suggest you both look into sex addiction/porn addiction.

Pbse podcast would be a great place to start. Your brain on porn website

For you a support group on reddit called love after porn.

Helping couples heal podcast

This has got to be a joke. The bloke was just having a quick wank whilst his wife and kid are downstairs and you're suggesting healing podcasts and support groups 😂

Absolutely. It's nuts.

Empty nuts.

Your DH. having a wank in his own bedroom sounds normal to me.

Your DC should knock before entering someone else's bedroom (as should everyone in the house) - if you don't establish this courtesy as a house rule, there will come a time when you risk interrupting your DC's private moments.

Oh FFS 🙄

Oh ffs what? Why the eye roll at me?

Kids being exposed to sexual content on a parents phone happens, surely it's better to take steps to avoid that? For all I know this fella never lets his children play on his phone but plenty parents do, and plenty of parents watch porn on devices accessed by their kids, many take steps to make sure their kids don't come across it but some don't because they dont realise the risk until it's happened. Some don't realise how easy it can happen until it actually happens.

For all I know this bloke doesn't even let anyone use his phone, so no risk at all, it was just a question and if he does ever allow his children to play on his phone then and he hasn't taken any steps to make sure adult content is inaccessible to them on it, then he needs to, just like he needs to lock the door if there any chance his children can walk in on him. Why the eye roll at that suggestion?

I couldn’t get worked up about this. He was knocking one out while you and your child were downstairs having breakfast. This is normal human behaviour.

He was having a wank in the privacy of the bedroom while you weren’t present. Can’t really see why that’s an issue.

She was meant to stop fixing her kid's breakfast to come and give her husband a hand with his wank? Are you serious? FFS, it's like female emancipation never happened.

Of course it's weird he was having a wank while his wife was rushing about downstairs doing all the domestic work on her own. He is, literally, a selfish wanker.

I think there could be a few different issues at play, which of the following elements upset you?

• Him wanking in general
• Him watching porn
• Lack of parenting from him/the fact you had to search him out
• Chances of DC seeing him in the act

Different people have different thresholds for what they see as acceptable.

For example, personally, I don't mind being with a partner who wanks every day as long as that isn't causing any issues for our own sex life. I do have issues with the porn industry though, so that part might be a bit more concerning to me. A 5 min wank wouldn't really be an issue vis a vis parenting as long as he usually is an equal parent, unless it was at a wholly inappropriate time (e.g. we as a family all need to be out the house imminently). I'd see no difference between DC walking in on a wank vs sex so that part wouldn't be particularly concerning to me either - I'm guessing he could hear it was you rather than child, hence slow reaction but I guess a lock on the door couldn't hurt