AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

We're in an Air Bnb so no lock on the door.

There is an absolute difference between having sex when the kids settled or in bed. This wasn't the situation the child was running about downstairs and op was making breakfast.

Honestly I would find this really grim. No one “needs” to orgasm every day; this is just him trying to justify that he’s some sort of sex mad ape. I’d find the porn use and him obsessing over his dick every day to be a massive turn off too.

@Starlight1979 Would you choose to have sex in an unlocked bedroom while the children are getting ready to go to school? Fair enough. I wouldn't.

I think she explained that quite fully in her post!

Risking the child seeing is very worrying
re porn - NEWSFLASH - people get turned by seeing attractive human beings have sex, This is normal. It's also normal for people to turn to porn if they are in a sexually frustrated relationship.

Yeah it pissed me off for various reasons:

• our 3yo could have easily walked in. He's saying but he wouldn't have seen the phone screen or seen what he was doing under the duvet. I think that's bollocks and the child would instinctively know it was something "unusual".
• the sheer selfishness when we were busy getting ready for a family day out. I was thinking "where is he" and went to find him.
• the fact that he's saying he needed to when we had sex last night and the two previous nights so it's not like he's had days without.
• now he's turning into my reaction rather than his choice in the first place.

Also what are your “sex life problems”? It says you have regular sex. Is he one of those grim men that sulks if he doesn’t get it every time he makes a pass at you. All of what you’ve said would make my legs clamp very shut!! He sounds like a teenage boy.

A 3yr old is going to have no concept of anything untoward, would have looking like he was having an itch unless he was gurning like a baboon at the time.

I think you should find out what he was watching. If he's had sex the past 2 nights then he is one horny beast. What was so tempting he had to have a go this morning.

We had a very dry spell for a while back as I wasn't up for it and this lasted ages. It caused huge rows. When now it's all an effort and we have been working on it. It was in the year or so after birth of my child plus perimenopause issues on my side and various resentment arguments about load etc etc. A lot of adjusting to new roles and life as parents, changes in identity etc.

We've had marriage counselling and have learned that he really needs to feel held, whereas I need to feel seen - meaning his physical connection needs are strong and mine are more about intellectual connection. So we are different in that respect (similar in other ways though) and each need to meet the other half way.

Lots of men sulk if they don't get enough sex. that's why women like me, in an open marriage, are never short of guys to play with. Dismiss a frustrated husband as sulky and there will always be a woman like me who willl give them what they want.

I see the nuns are out in force. You haven't been having sex. He fancied a wank. None of the kids did walk in on him so it's a bit of a non argument. Yes you are shaming him. People wank. Move on.

I'm fully of the opinion that masturbation is a right, and that porn is personal business. I wouldn't have an issue with any of that at all.

But taking personal time while the other parent is sole parenting during a stressful time of day without prior agreement isn't OK. It would he no different to him having a lay in or a scroll on his phone. It's the timing not the action I have a problem with.

But we have been having sex though. The dry patch was mid 2023. We've had sex the last 3 nights just this week.

In my opinion the more you have it, the hornier you are. I wouldn't take offence personally - probably just fancied another shag but knew it was off the cards so thought he'd knock a quick one out!

Absolutely nothing wrong with this except…

You don’t do on holidays when people are waiting around for you and you don’t do it in a room with no lock on the door.

I also don’t see anything wrong with wanking every day if you have a high sex drive (although the fact he had sex literally hours ago and still needed to bang one out when you were waiting on him is a bit mad) but not hindering others and certainly not where someone can walk in on you.

My thoughts on this is that the biggest problem is that he thought it OK to have a quick 5 knuckle shuffle whilst his wife was getting the Brood ready for the day instead of helping her!
A very selfish attitude.

A 3 year old would not realise what the parent was doing under the duvet. This whole thing is a total overreaction. I stand by my first comment. If this thread had been created by a man about his wife the responses would be 100% different.

I’d find the porn use and him obsessing over his dick every day to be a massive turn off too.

Me too. I'm very anti-pornography given it exploits vulnerable women anyway and nobody needs a daily wank. He wants to, and that's fine but pretending he absolutely must do it is just ridiculous.

I don't have an issue with the wanking but doing it at a time when your family is busy getting ready to go out and somewhere where anyone could walk in as proven by OP walking in on him is just a bit gross. I would find it really unattractive, like he's a horny teenager.

DH knows I sometimes masturbate in our bedroom with the door locked. I know he sometimes wanks in the shower. It's absolutely not an issue if it's done discretely and not when you should be looking after your kids.

there's nothing wrong with him masturbating, nor the time of day either. He should definitely lock the door, for privacy reasons.

But he feels better when he orgasms daily, I can't see what the issue is. as long as he's not expecting you to do it.

If he was not getting jobs done, or there was an expectation for him to be present when he was doing it, then sure pull him up on not getting distracted.
But if he used a spare quiet moment I can't see the issue. I don't expect you both get much quiet child free moments nor would you want him doing it beside you in bed.

You are shaming him tbf.

Where did you get "brood"'from? OP refers to one child. Hardly a mammoth task to make them a bowl of cereal is it?

There's definitely a time and place and not when children can walk in. I really can't understand why some men and women can't wait to have a fiddle with themselves while their kids are knocking about. My first relationship ended because that man just couldn't stop getting his willy out, every room, every day, multiple times, I'd walk into a room and he'd be red in face panting and him arm going 100 miles an hour. Some people just think it's all normal 🤮

Every sperm is sacred... 👻

I accept my husband does it... the agreed rule is 'not when I'm at home'..

Needs must, for both of us.. but I expect respect

Wanking doesn’t need to be justified 😂 nothing wrong with an orgasm a day!