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Original poster

Anyone else struggling to find meaning in life and wondering what it's all about?

260 replies

Mumonceremoved · 14/04/2024 22:46

Middle aged and generally just wondering what the point of it all is.

Why are we here?
What's the meaning of life?
What even is happiness?

Anyone else just feeling meh about the day to day drudgery and futility of it all?

Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it?

Is it normal?

OP posts:
GreyGoose1980 · 15/04/2024 14:40

Berlinlover · 14/04/2024 23:36

I felt like this at times and then I got diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer seven months ago. Now I’m so desperate to stay alive, it’s all I think about.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Life is cruel. No words of advice, but thinking of you.

TheBreezyOne · 15/04/2024 14:50

Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 13:34

Whose actually insane though?

Those who think that shit actually matters who those who realise none of it matters?

Show quote history

Was just going to say the same, I think we are all just trying hard not to see the actual reality, which is we exist for no reason, and one day the planet and solar system will be gone, with no one to know we even existed.

I will still enjoy the sun, nature, and my family, but I say no to a lot of society's pressures now, and do what makes me feel comfortable. I have to work but negotiated hours that suited me.

I'm not depressed about it though, more fascinated, and I avoid the news which helps.

Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:04

Have you read The Power of Now? It blew my mind a little bit.

What's actually wrong for you, right now? Cold? Hungry? Pain? Thirst? What's different from if you were sitting in your campervan? What would you have then that you don't have now? What is it that's actually missing?

Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:10

Also, re belief in an unprovable deity... that was invented by people who felt like you feel now, a very, very long time ago. What you have isn't a new feeling created by modern society. Humans have evolved the way they have because they are permanently dissatisfied with the current situation. That's why we're always creating things, even things that don't need creating, like music and art. We just keep coming up with new shit all the time, because we're never happy with the shit we already have. That's why fire got invented. And why people learned to sow seeds. And create electricity. And print information. And go online. We are, by dint of the fact that we're human, dissatisfied.

I THINK PART OF THE TRICK OF BEING HAPPY IS LEARNING TO BE OK WITH BEING DISSATISFIED. oh, and learning to be happy with the fact that you've pressed 'caps lock' without realising it...

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:12

Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:04

Have you read The Power of Now? It blew my mind a little bit.

What's actually wrong for you, right now? Cold? Hungry? Pain? Thirst? What's different from if you were sitting in your campervan? What would you have then that you don't have now? What is it that's actually missing?

Good questions Whatchkeys.

I have read the power of now. I took a lot from it. I can pretty much stop myself living in regret (the past) or fear (the future) but what I can't do is move past this general feeling of malaise.

I dunno what's wrong with me. Nothing. Everything. All of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:26

Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:10

Also, re belief in an unprovable deity... that was invented by people who felt like you feel now, a very, very long time ago. What you have isn't a new feeling created by modern society. Humans have evolved the way they have because they are permanently dissatisfied with the current situation. That's why we're always creating things, even things that don't need creating, like music and art. We just keep coming up with new shit all the time, because we're never happy with the shit we already have. That's why fire got invented. And why people learned to sow seeds. And create electricity. And print information. And go online. We are, by dint of the fact that we're human, dissatisfied.

I THINK PART OF THE TRICK OF BEING HAPPY IS LEARNING TO BE OK WITH BEING DISSATISFIED. oh, and learning to be happy with the fact that you've pressed 'caps lock' without realising it...

It's really fucking depressing if acceptance of dissatisfaction is the goal.

I might be more depressed now than when I started this thread.

There has to be more than that ...

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:30

It's really fucking depressing if acceptance of dissatisfaction is the goal

Accepting something means not being depressed about it, though, so you're misinterpreting the word 'acceptance'. It's not 'staying as miserable as you are', it's 'being fine with things as they are'.

Here's a question for you: What do you want? Right now. What would make it aaaalll better?

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:39

Things I can't have. Relationships with various different people. I'm not going into the inn's and outs but basically there were people I cared about and now those people are either no longer in my life or not in my life as often as I would like.

Loss is central to this I guess.

And now I feel lost and alone and like what is the fucking point ... Because quite honestly life up until this point has been fairly miserable and now I have the choice and the power (probably for the first time ever) to make it better and yet I'm not.

So really I only have myself to blame. As usual.

Sorry that was heavy!!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:43

It had to be heavy!

So it's the alone-ness, mainly, that bothers you? The lack of those people? More questions... (perhaps it's nice to talk about it?)... What did those relationships give you, that you don't have now? What is it that makes xyz person you don't have, any different from the woman manning the tills at Sainsbury's, who you could go and have a chat with?

CaliforniaHereWeCome1 · 15/04/2024 15:43

Why does there need to be a meaning? There isn’t one. You’re born, you die, in between those events you do what you need to do in order to survive, plus whatever else you want to/can do to enjoy it. That’s all.

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:51

Watchkeys · 15/04/2024 15:43

It had to be heavy!

So it's the alone-ness, mainly, that bothers you? The lack of those people? More questions... (perhaps it's nice to talk about it?)... What did those relationships give you, that you don't have now? What is it that makes xyz person you don't have, any different from the woman manning the tills at Sainsbury's, who you could go and have a chat with?

Love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:52

CaliforniaHereWeCome1 · 15/04/2024 15:43

Why does there need to be a meaning? There isn’t one. You’re born, you die, in between those events you do what you need to do in order to survive, plus whatever else you want to/can do to enjoy it. That’s all.

I used to be you. I used to think like this.

I miss life being this simple.

What happened to me?!

OP posts:
SallyWD · 15/04/2024 16:06

I've often thought about it but usually these thoughts don't get me down. I suppose even if there is no meaning I just enjoy being alive. There are so many aspects of life that bring me pleasure that I don't really care if there's a meaning to life or not.
I also think life is pretty amazing - all these millions of different life forms on a rock in the middle of the universe, so much beauty in nature. I'm kind of in awe of life.

EvenStillIWantTo · 15/04/2024 16:17

Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 15:39

Things I can't have. Relationships with various different people. I'm not going into the inn's and outs but basically there were people I cared about and now those people are either no longer in my life or not in my life as often as I would like.

Loss is central to this I guess.

And now I feel lost and alone and like what is the fucking point ... Because quite honestly life up until this point has been fairly miserable and now I have the choice and the power (probably for the first time ever) to make it better and yet I'm not.

So really I only have myself to blame. As usual.

Sorry that was heavy!!

Wow, I think we must be the same person.

I'm really struggling with someone sort of removing themselves from me when we have previously been very close, and it's made me examine all the gaps that friendship was papering over. And I find there's not much else there to be honest. Which makes the loss all the bigger.

I feel mostly numb, interspersed with glimpses of other, mostly negative, emotions. I feel the peak of everything great has passed and I can never again access how amazing things felt back then.

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 16:21

EvenStillIWantTo · 15/04/2024 16:17

Wow, I think we must be the same person.

I'm really struggling with someone sort of removing themselves from me when we have previously been very close, and it's made me examine all the gaps that friendship was papering over. And I find there's not much else there to be honest. Which makes the loss all the bigger.

I feel mostly numb, interspersed with glimpses of other, mostly negative, emotions. I feel the peak of everything great has passed and I can never again access how amazing things felt back then.

Show quote history

And isn't that just so fucking depressing?

All that was ever and will ever be good has passed.

Literally what is the point ...

OP posts:
EvenStillIWantTo · 15/04/2024 16:28

Yeah @Mumonceremoved there was definitely this period of shining opportunity and excitement...

Now I have, what, being middle aged to look forward to, a child who barely attends school and can't get any support, aging parents, friends who are too busy even for a fucking coffee.

I'm filling my weekends doing things alone. It's fucking shite.

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 16:35

It is completely fucking shite

OP posts:
peebles32 · 15/04/2024 16:36

I listened to a podcast the other day and it said happiness is your perspective on things. For example. You might be unhappy because it is raining and you wanted to sit o. The garden. You might be happy it is raining as your plants need water. Sometimes I try to remember it's the way I perceive something that makes me happy or sad.

Baileysandcream · 15/04/2024 17:01

Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 16:21

And isn't that just so fucking depressing?

All that was ever and will ever be good has passed.

Literally what is the point ...

Show quote history

"All that was ever and will ever be good has passed"

Is this really true though? Do you absolutely know that nothing good will ever happen again? It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy if you choose to believe that.

Why can't life be good again?

It sounds like you could use some optimism and hope.

You mentioned that you now have the choice and the power to change things, for things to be different. A turning point in life can be daunting, scary, overwhelming, depressing - it can also be exciting, empowering ... it all depends on perspective.

How would you like the future to be different? What are you looking forward to ? What would you like to look forward to?

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 17:04

Yes, perception is circumstantial as Det. Holder from The Killing once said.

I have tried to talk myself around. Reframe it. It doesn't work. Not for any length of time. It doesn't last. The centre cannot hold.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 17:07

What am I looking forward to? Nothing. I should work on that.
How can things be different? I don't know. I should work on that.
What would I like to look forward to? I don't know. I should work on that

OP posts:
bomi · 15/04/2024 17:30

I'm 34 and I have recently started to feel this way.

I just keep thinking, have I really got to do this for another 50 off years?! I'm basically going to be working another 35 years of my life in the same place (it's a great job. One of the better ones in the small town that I live in). Nowhere else has perks like it. So this is literally it forever more.

What even is the point?! Every day is the same old shit. Get whinged at all morning, work all day, get whinged at after school pick up, make dinner, wash up, tidy up, bath, bed, repeat for the rest of my life.

It's not really all it's cracked up to be.

Original poster
Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 17:43

I wonder what the 'more' is we are all seeking ...

OP posts:
whatasneezeyone · 15/04/2024 17:56

The meaning is to be present, see what's next (being nosey!) and enjoy the here and now. That's it. That's enough

The problem a lot of humans have is not living in the now and always looking for the when and next

I have a very severely autistic child and if there's one thing he does best is knows what it means to be alive and enjoy the present of the present

EvenStillIWantTo · 15/04/2024 18:02

Mumonceremoved · 15/04/2024 17:43

I wonder what the 'more' is we are all seeking ...

I wonder. I wish I knew!