Anyone else struggling to find meaning in life and wondering what it's all about?

[Mumonceremoved]

Middle aged and generally just wondering what the point of it all is.

Why are we here?
What's the meaning of life?
What even is happiness?

Anyone else just feeling meh about the day to day drudgery and futility of it all?

Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it?

Is it normal?

@Icehockeyflowers I am totally with you and your child. Drudge. Every day. Yes sure there are good moments, but mostly just shit to stay alive. I'm not looking for a point to life, happiness or a meaning, just why on earth should I bother? I will keep going because of my family but otherwise...

I think the key is to be grateful for the little things. As an eternal eyeore, half-glass-empty, Marvin the paranoid android, I’m actually quite content.

My family is my life’s lottery win. Every flower in my garden I’m grateful for. Even the weeds - if they weren’t there I wouldn’t be able to enjoy pulling them up. My morning coffee I’m grateful for. Every pay check I’m grateful for. Every hour spent idly on my phone when it’s raining I’m grateful for. Even when I’m frustrated with my job or worried about my kids I’m grateful.

Why? Because if I was on a drip dying in a hospice, or living in some bombed out war zone, or out of my mind with grief, any one of those ‘mundane’ things would be wonderful and joyous.

Meaning is in life. And life is about finding joy in the little things.

I think the best meaning you can give it is to help someone else enjoy their life a little bit more. So, rather than wallowing in the “drudge” of your own mundane day to day stuff, think what you can contribute to the world that makes it a little better, whether that is checking in on an elderly neighbour or planting something lovely.
Sometimes focusing on something outside of the inside of your own head is just what you need.

Mumonceremoved I understand what you are saying and empathise.

I feel the same way. I feel I'm always pretending. I feign happiness for the sake of my children. I push them into trying new things and having new experiences - none of which I had myself growing up.
When we go on trips either here or abroad, I don't look forward to them. I go and I build up the excitement for the children's sake. We keep busy. We keep to a busy schedule. (This is for me as much as for the kids). I volunteer (occasionally). But I find it all tiring and pointless.

Who cares if I grow veg in the tiny garden we have (I do it in case the kids might be interested). Personally I'd put patio slabs over all of it to save myself the bother. I put up hanging baskets to brighten the outside of the house but wonder why as they just die and I have to keep replacing them. They are just small things but it is how I think about everything. I don't know if I envy people who feel joy in such things or am actually baffled as to why or how such small things can be so joyful to them.

I read about people investing for their pension and saving for old age and wonder what is the point of growing old and watching daytime tv and cooking small meals every day. Although the one thing that makes me feel peaceful is being in the sun and seeing the ocean but I don't want to do that when I'm seventy years old and barely able to see the words on the pages of the book I'm trying to read or possibly not being able to walk any distance or being too frightened to sleep at night because I feel vulnerable.

Part of me thinks the only people that can truly be happy must have large, extended, close knit families and friends. Having large numbers of supportive people may be the difference between being happy or not. Its the only conclusion I can think of having pondered this question for the last thirty plus years.

I do volunteer. It's nice to help other people.

It doesn't quell the 'what's the fucking point?' questions though

So many things in this thread that I relate to but can't say in real life.

I have to say there is a certain amount of relief knowing there are others who think similarly. And liberation at being able to say it.

Why does there have to be a point? Just enjoy it while it lasts

What I don't understand is why humans have made life for the vast majority so fucking hard and miserable.

I know! Imagine being an intelligent young woman in Afghanistan. Not being allowed to go to school, university, work, socialise. Just sit in the house bored off your trolley all day and if you do venture outside you have to cover every inch of yourself.

Or a poverty stricken mother in Afghanistan having to sell your 8 year old daughter to some old man because you can't afford to feed her or your other 7 kids.

So there is no meaning to life but ... spring is here in England and it's beautiful and exciting so let's try to make the most of it.

I read about people investing for their pension and saving for old age and wonder what is the point of growing old and watching daytime tv and cooking small meals every day.

You save/invest so that you don't have to do just that if you don't want to. And if you do end up housebound, better to have money to heat the house and pay for a Wiltshire Farms delivery so you have something tasty to eat!

Although the one thing that makes me feel peaceful is being in the sun and seeing the ocean but I don't want to do that when I'm seventy years old and barely able to see the words on the pages of the book I'm trying to read

Jesus! My inlaws are in their 80s and are off to the sun whenever they get the chance! And - shocker! - they can read books. They have these new fangled things called spectacles...

I have come to the conclusion that we are but a minute cog in the continuation of what was. However, that is pretty bloody meaningful.

I believe the Big Bang happened (what ever that was),so would say your purpose is that you are here because a magnificent event occurred and you are the cog that continues its creation, and let's face it, it's pretty incomprehensible that anything exists at all.

..That helps me on my more reflective days. However, when I'm having a crap day, I tend to go with the 'we only get a rough 80 year segment of time being alive, if it's that crap, it will soon be over. Nobody will give a shit what you looked like, which car you had, whether you were the perfect person when we are all in the graveyard together.

I just bumble about until my little segment is up and look for the beauty in life. If I can't find it sometimes, Meh, whatever. Doesn't really matter if you do or don't, just makes the time pass more pleasantly if you can.

I’ve battled with this question for as long as I can remember. It’s not that I’m necessarily unhappy, I just don’t see the point in most things. I would never say this to family or friends as it sounds so miserable, but I would love someone to explain the reason we are all here!

You’re really not being clever or helpful.

Off to the sun - why don’t they live there if it’s so accessible? They wear glasses - great - AMD doesn’t run in their family then.

Making comparisons to people who are worse off isn’t helpful either. It’s the equivalent of a builder saying ‘cheer up luv, it might never happen’.

So with respect, please stop quoting me and replying directly to me.

You’re really not being clever or helpful.

Better than you, though @Icehockeyflowers

They don't want to live abroad because they're content to live here. They have health challenges like everyone else.

I don't think being told 'other people have it worse' is ever helpful.

Nor is 'be grateful for what you have.'

I mean it might help some people but it doesn't help me. At all. Ever.

I relate. I am struggling with how relentlessly mundane life is. Work, home, dinner, bed. Weekends cleaning, laundry, eat, watch a film, bed.

We have no spare money for any of the nice frills that make life worthwhile or bring joy. I don't like my job. I don't mind my husband (😂) but we never do anything. A walk in the woods is all we manage, we don't even have money for a coffee out.

I am not unhappy per day but I rarely feel actual happiness. I don't know where or how to find it. When I ask other people what makes them happy it's ALL things that cost money. Theatre, meals out, concerts, dancing, pub with friends, holidays, hobbies. I can't do any of that.

Meh.

Each of us is here because 2 people decided to have sex one day. That's all.

It's my mum saying, "eat your liver, children in Ethiopia are starving". It doesn't work.

However, I do wonder if doing really hard travelling in my 20s helped. When you're too hot, hungry, tired, covered in mosquito bites, feeling sick, a bit scared, homesick and stressed, looking at the dirty bathroom, can't sleep, you think of your bed back at home, or your mum, and you realise, very clearly, that you are lucky. Running water is lucky, not being a woman at literally any other point in time or most places is lucky, anesthetic and antibiotics are lucky.

Knowing someone else has it worse doesn't make it better, at least not for me. Knowing I could have it worse, and have, makes me feel better.

There's also a really sad fact. And that's that some forms of satisfaction, notably job satisfaction, are heritable. Not completely genetic, but quite heritable. Which implies it's hardwired. Some people are just happier doing anything, and some people are less happy whatever they do. When you have to do a thing for 8 hours a day, it helps when you like it. Wellbeing is heritable, weakly. Happiness is heritable, weakly. So there are things you can do to influence how happy you are, but not completely.

That explains a lot

I'm not really old, but I am sick.

I have multiple autoimmune diseases and was also in an accident over a decade ago that means I struggle to walk.

I took the decision many years ago to try and enjoy the time I had within the constraints I had.

So I wrote a list of what I enjoyed. And mostly I try to do those things.

I'm going to die pretty young so I eat things I like and don't worry too much about being fat and unhealthy because I'm already unhealthy.

I like sitting on a beach in the sun so I do it as much as possible. (Only some seasons in the U.K.).

I like swimming so I do swimming.

Write down what you enjoy. Do it more.

Or, if you can't think of anything you enjoy, write down the stuff you hate and do it less.

My house is rarely clean.

@Mumonceremoved

I think 🤔 the western world priorities focusing out of balance on superficial and materialistic things etc,
in out of balance kilter way

Is often the reason for disillusionment and disaffection

I think it's about appreating no matter how small the significance of things that can often be free,
Such as being connected to nature quite often,
the sunset and star gazing Northern lights the sea the ocean
wildlife appreation of this,

and appreciating quality people and relantships that we have in life that make a difference,

It's feeling we have a purpose in life in some way,
such as doing volunteering work and paid work

bringing up the next generation as a parent ect

Its learning from our mistakes seeing that we are constant work in progress and just better in ourselves..

Also being actively creative doing hobbies or having other kinds of hobbies,
to focus on,
healthy escapism emotional outlets a comfort buffer in life's turbulent times,

Also having some kind of faith system of belief too,
doesn't have to be an official faith attending church or some other official building of faith,
along as its beneficial for you in healthy way in some way,

Also might help to think is this a lifelong outlook, stemming from childhood trauma/misery/upbringing or is it more recent - whether following relationship breakdowns/ illness/work misery or is it a gradual, trigger-less decline in optimism? Understanding that could help - if you're peri/menopausal age then HRT might help, (I'm always wary of antidepressants but maybe worth considering if you're really down) otherwise exercise, put music on, go walking somewhere green, take kids out etc and do it regularly for the effects to build up to be noticeable.
Any good tv that makes you laugh after a day of drudge? Even half an hour helps. Finding something you relate to can work wonders- shows you're not alone and that some clever writers somewhere have worked out how to make you laugh which I find comforting for some reason.

@TheTerribleMaster

How 🤔 long have you been doing the job you don't enjoy then?

Is it a recent thing or more long term disaffection in your job then?

What is keeping you stuck in this job then?

Is it possibly to look elsewhere for work instead or re train in some way to do a job or career that you prefer instead?

I know it's a bit of cliche is there any transferable skills from this job that could be useful beneficial in another kind of job then?

Is it possibly you could do a bit or some volunteering work that could give you the impetus to help get insight or and experience that could be useful further down job wise or career wise ?

Volunteering work can be opportunities doing all sorts of things,
ranging from working in a charity shop everyone thinks of,
It can be range doing conservation work outdoors in nature reserve for a charity to working in a museum etc,

there's also volunteering opportunities abroad too short stints..

As for not being able to do eisure facilities

How about looking up in your main libarey activities you can do on shoe string or for free as a family,
such as visting museums , art galleries visting the sea,
visting lovely parks when weather gets better
Making your own picnics,

Also look up on the Internet on YouTube and other websites too,
to discover useful handy hints tips and advice on this very subject too,

How about getting involved in volunteering opportunities to vist very well known and no so well known festivals of different kinds as often a lot of the times
Volunteers are desperately needed for these kinds of festivals,

Such as i was asking my good friend how she can afford to go on so many well being retreats all over the place for herself,

She said she volunteering in their kitchens etc so gets opportunities to stay at wellbeing retreats for free or and very cheap rates,

My friend does volunteering at Glastonbury music festival too,