Anyone else struggling to find meaning in life and wondering what it's all about?

Mumonceremoved · 2024-04-14T21:46:15+00:00

Middle aged and generally just wondering what the point of it all is. Why are we here? What's the meaning of life? What even is happiness? Anyone else just feeling meh about the day to day drudgery and futility of it all? Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it? Is it normal?

BeaRF75 · 14/04/2024 22:54

There is no "meaning of life". We are born - we breathe in and out for a few decades - we die. We're just one species out of many, so it isn't any more complicated than that.
I'm not being negative - it's actually rather nice to know that there's no "higher purpose", because it also means that there's absolutely nothing for us to get stressed about.

FixItUpChappie · 14/04/2024 23:00

I take some comfort in the belief that there is no "point" or special meaning. Just this time as a gift - feel the sun on your face and make of it what you will.

MistyBerkowitz · 14/04/2024 23:02

There’s no ‘meaning’ other than the meanings we impose. We’re clever animals who started using tools and language.

EvenStillIWantTo · 14/04/2024 23:05

Yep. I'm finding myself really aware and scared that most of the best bits of life are behind me: the bits that fill you with dopamine and adrenaline, falling in love and carefree holidays with friends and going out dancing until 3am and having careless sex, and feeling sexy, and all that youthful stuff.

I'm trying to keep myself busy with hobbies (even the word makes me feel middle aged) but it does feel a lot like filling time, bringing little of that visceral joy that I used to feel fairly regularly.

I mean, taking a nice walk? Fuck off. Is that really the stuff that life is made of now?

SlB09 · 14/04/2024 23:07

I.feel.this.

Still working my way through it so no advice!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2024 23:10

EvenStillIWantTo · 14/04/2024 23:05

Yep. I'm finding myself really aware and scared that most of the best bits of life are behind me: the bits that fill you with dopamine and adrenaline, falling in love and carefree holidays with friends and going out dancing until 3am and having careless sex, and feeling sexy, and all that youthful stuff.

I'm trying to keep myself busy with hobbies (even the word makes me feel middle aged) but it does feel a lot like filling time, bringing little of that visceral joy that I used to feel fairly regularly.

I mean, taking a nice walk? Fuck off. Is that really the stuff that life is made of now?

I was in Central America and the guide told a story. He had an 80 year old lady on one of his tours and he was really worried she wouldn't be able to enjoy it, that she would get too tired or struggle. She said to him, "you get me to the Mayan ruin and I will climb it". He went and got a motorbike, brought it back, gave her a lift to the ruin and she climbed it.

I intend to be that lady.

Watchkeys · 14/04/2024 23:12

Do ants have the same question? What's the 'meaning' of a flea's life? Are bacteria wondering about the point of it all?

Why do you need a meaning?

GoodLordHelpMe · 14/04/2024 23:13

I totally get you. I have a child who's really unhappy at the moment and says what's the point in being alive. Of course I pretend life is lovely and there's lots to live for but really I agree and am like, you're absolutely right. What's the point in any of it. We are born, work and die. Yeh sure there are fun bits but why bother when there are lots of not fun bits? I really don't see the point, a few hundred thousand years and humans will be gone anyway.

bossybloss · 14/04/2024 23:15

when I was younger I needed that dopamine hit! As I have aged I have found a more peaceful way of living. None of the anxiety and depression I suffered with ten or so years ago. .. and I never in a million years thought I would ever say that I like a nice walk daily plus endless cups of tea ☕️!

EmeraldRoses · 14/04/2024 23:21

Yeah I get what you are saying I feel that too sometimes my way of dealing with it is I really look forward to the little things, a hot bath, nice crystal wine glass, moocing round a chairty shop, nice clean bedding, getting my hair done, I've got a pedicure booked for tomorrow can't wait woo hoo 😀 Enjoy the little things and don't worry too much about the stuff we can't control x

WishesPromised · 14/04/2024 23:21

I don't thin there is any meaning. Life is an accident of the universe.

What I don't understand is why humans have made life for the vast majority so fucking hard and miserable.

Awaydays · 14/04/2024 23:24

Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it?

Magic mushrooms...

Original poster

Mumonceremoved · 14/04/2024 23:32

Awaydays · 14/04/2024 23:24

Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it?

Magic mushrooms...

Any ones in particular?

I've just started taking Lion's Manes Gummies. Not to find meaning but to maybe give me an extra something. A bit of an umphh to care maybe.

OP posts:

Houseinawood · 14/04/2024 23:34

What matters is health, fitness and connection with others, or with art, or music, or hobbies or anything. Happiness I have learnt is the absence of stress / or unhappiness or other people giving you shit or life throwing shit at you. People can make you unhappy but so can back pain or lack of money. Comparison is where it goes wrong.

A wise friend told me this - his brother lives in London with his wife - they own a house 4 bedrooms that they brought in the 1990s they have 3 children. A couple in the road further down over the years have got to know them they don’t have children but have nephew and nieces. This couple are extremely rich. The brother and his wife decide to move to find decent schools for their 3 children when they hit 5….however the couple approach them and offer to pay for all the children’s education up to the age of 25 if they go university. They will cover all 3 children and all uniform, trips, everything - his brother was amazed but the business man and his wife insist they would love to. Lawyers involved trust fund set up etc so they stay. Children are now 8, 11, 12 and they go to top independent school in London (where royalty go) even transport is covered. Their parents both work and they can afford their mortgage and a holiday abroad once a year. One day one of the children comes home upset - one of his friends is having a birthday party and he’s invited but his friends parents are Uber wealthy and have spent £100,000 on his 10 th birthday party and the theme is African wildlife - so you can imagine the party - the reason his son is so upset is because ‘they never have cool birthday parties with tigers etc ‘ I mean wTAF. My wise friend said they have all this and the best education and two loving and supportive parents and they are still comparing themselves the children are miserable and always telling the parents what they don’t have compared with the others in the school. As a doctor working in mental health (the wise friend) said it doesn’t matter what you have if you want more you will never be happy.

I was thinking of this the other day I’m dabbling in water colours and they were looking a bit cracked and worn - and instead of getting really expensive ones etc £3 from Poundland and I’m happy as I’m just a beginner someone could sneer at my £3 watercolours and my £1.50 brushes and I could spend more but actually I’m just happy doing. So many things are free. In 50 years I won’t be here. In 10 years my beloved dog (12) won’t be here so you know what- I will enjoy today and sleeping with him tonight.
My cuddles with him are free and one day o won’t be able to so I’ll get as many in as I can.

Berlinlover · 14/04/2024 23:36

I felt like this at times and then I got diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer seven months ago. Now I’m so desperate to stay alive, it’s all I think about.

Icehockeyflowers · 14/04/2024 23:40

I feel like this and have a child who feels the same way.

I just don't get the point of it. Life is fucking hard. I have felt like this since I was sixteen so it isn't a phase.

I just don't get the point of it. Get up, work, eat, do mundane tasks, do something different at the weekend and follow this pattern for years and years until I get sick or old and things start to break down in my body.

There is a brief reprieve when we go on holidays but frankly a few weeks every year doesn't make the rest of it any easier.

I want to stay alive for my children though, at least until they have grown up and are living independently.

Watchkeys · 14/04/2024 23:43

@Icehockeyflowers

But if you stop doing all the drudge, what will happen?

Icehockeyflowers · 14/04/2024 23:44

Watchkeys · 14/04/2024 23:43

@Icehockeyflowers

But if you stop doing all the drudge, what will happen?

I guess I wouldn't be doing anything. It is all drudge.

Penguinsa · 14/04/2024 23:45

I don't generally think about why we are here, just think we are here so we may as well make the most of it as we never know how long we will be here for.

Meaning of life maybe to experience things, learn from that and move forward.

Happiness is feeling content with life and at peace. Different people may have different ways of getting happiness. For me it's my marriage, my children, my pets, travel, swimming, interesting events and interesting jobs and doesn't need to be stress free or involve perfect health. I would prefer an exciting shorter life than a stress free one. Since having cancer I have appreciated some things a lot more and met some amazing people and feel I understand far more now. I find day to day interesting but always have days out and holidays which helps, child off to uni soon. I think if I felt like that maybe exercise would help and days out as a starting point.

BrieHugger · 14/04/2024 23:49

I read this quote once, I like it:

“So, I’ve been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often.”

Infectiousdisease · 14/04/2024 23:50

Houseinawood · 14/04/2024 23:34

What matters is health, fitness and connection with others, or with art, or music, or hobbies or anything. Happiness I have learnt is the absence of stress / or unhappiness or other people giving you shit or life throwing shit at you. People can make you unhappy but so can back pain or lack of money. Comparison is where it goes wrong.

A wise friend told me this - his brother lives in London with his wife - they own a house 4 bedrooms that they brought in the 1990s they have 3 children. A couple in the road further down over the years have got to know them they don’t have children but have nephew and nieces. This couple are extremely rich. The brother and his wife decide to move to find decent schools for their 3 children when they hit 5….however the couple approach them and offer to pay for all the children’s education up to the age of 25 if they go university. They will cover all 3 children and all uniform, trips, everything - his brother was amazed but the business man and his wife insist they would love to. Lawyers involved trust fund set up etc so they stay. Children are now 8, 11, 12 and they go to top independent school in London (where royalty go) even transport is covered. Their parents both work and they can afford their mortgage and a holiday abroad once a year. One day one of the children comes home upset - one of his friends is having a birthday party and he’s invited but his friends parents are Uber wealthy and have spent £100,000 on his 10 th birthday party and the theme is African wildlife - so you can imagine the party - the reason his son is so upset is because ‘they never have cool birthday parties with tigers etc ‘ I mean wTAF. My wise friend said they have all this and the best education and two loving and supportive parents and they are still comparing themselves the children are miserable and always telling the parents what they don’t have compared with the others in the school. As a doctor working in mental health (the wise friend) said it doesn’t matter what you have if you want more you will never be happy.

I was thinking of this the other day I’m dabbling in water colours and they were looking a bit cracked and worn - and instead of getting really expensive ones etc £3 from Poundland and I’m happy as I’m just a beginner someone could sneer at my £3 watercolours and my £1.50 brushes and I could spend more but actually I’m just happy doing. So many things are free. In 50 years I won’t be here. In 10 years my beloved dog (12) won’t be here so you know what- I will enjoy today and sleeping with him tonight.
My cuddles with him are free and one day o won’t be able to so I’ll get as many in as I can.

Seriously, some random paid for 3 other children to go the whole way through their education just for the heck of it? Sorry, I know going off piste here but really?

Original poster

Mumonceremoved · 14/04/2024 23:52

I love my children but find it very hard to fully engage with anything. I'm always just waiting for the thing I'm doing to be over and then I do the next thing and can't wait for that to be over and so on and so on.

I find very little joy. If I do, it's fleeting.

I'm just treading water, waiting to die eventually I guess.

Yes life is a gift and I should be grateful. Except I'm not.

OP posts:

Penguinsa · 14/04/2024 23:52

Sorry to hear of you cancer Berlinlover

AstralSpace · 14/04/2024 23:52

There's no meaning. We're all in survival mode. If we didn't have jobs and work, we'd be trying to survive in other ways.
You can't get away from the drudgery of it.
Balance it out with our connection to nature and people, eat good food and be active.

LadyHester · 14/04/2024 23:52

After a lifetime battling with depression, plus a brush with cancer, these are the things that give life meaning for me:

The love of family and friends, and sharing moments with people who mean a lot to me;
Finding things to do that engage my brain and enable me to live in that moment;
Voluntary work that enables me to make a difference.