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Original poster

Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

249 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 19:17

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

OP posts:
evtheria · 05/02/2023 09:31

No

Simulacra · 05/02/2023 09:32

Yes, for the simple fact that my Grandad is Autistic and gets super overwhelmed by the amount of noise when me and my 3DDs visit. He is also a tech nerd and loves to see what apps they’re using (teens and primary) and shows them things on his iPad.

It also keeps them fucking quiet whilst I have a chat with my Grandparents in peace Grin

Funkyblues101 · 05/02/2023 09:32

Many children growing up not knowing how to interact in basic social situations because their lazy parents give them a screen rather than encouraging them to talk to people from different generations.

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9 year olds Families
Weedoormatnomore · 05/02/2023 09:33

No I wouldn't allow that but my kids can hold conversations with Adults.

mondaytosunday · 05/02/2023 09:33

No, certainly not for such a short visit.
My in laws always had a few toys. Or there was the garden to explore. But main part of the visit they would be talking and listening to the conversation, eating a snack (or meal).
My children didn't have iPads at that age anyway (and my son never has had one), so they never expected to be able to play with it!

Simulacra · 05/02/2023 09:37

Funkyblues101 · 05/02/2023 09:32

Many children growing up not knowing how to interact in basic social situations because their lazy parents give them a screen rather than encouraging them to talk to people from different generations.

Lol sure, I’ll remember that next time my eldest is helping her Great Grandmother prepare lunch, my middle is washing dishes with her Great Grandfather after and my youngest is yet again tearing around the house with a push sweeper that’s older than me.

Or when my eldest asked for their opinions on her GCSE options, or any of them asks them to repeat stories about their own Grandparents.

Just terrible. Off to flog self.

JessicaBrassica · 05/02/2023 09:38

As a kid I would take a book for family lunches. Adult conversation was boring. After lunch I'd help wash up then all the adults would fall asleep and I'd raid the hosts bookshelves (adult books also quite boring). By the time I was a tween I was allowed to take the dog out on my own which improved things.

My mil has a real problem with all of us looking at our phones. She has no problem with us sitting in silence sewing or reading paper books but has a massive issue with us reading books on our phones - which we do routinely. When we stay I have to remember to take paper books for reading downstairs and only read my Kindle in bed!

FrancescaContini · 05/02/2023 09:39

In answer to the OP, not RTFT: nope. Never. Very rude.

ovaltina · 05/02/2023 09:39

They're 9 and can totally be involved in conversation etc.

Also it's only 2 hours!

It's a total cop out from parents whose children couldn't last 2 hours without a screen in adult company age 9. They've lost perspective and don't know what's normal anymore when it comes to socialising.

timetogetlost · 05/02/2023 09:42

No chance. My 9 year old has a tablet to do the homework set on apps. He uses it for borrowbox and cbbc games but it never leaves the house. No need.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 05/02/2023 10:08

Yes, but my eldest is autistic and needs quiet time. My family have no issues when he takes himself away with his iPad at their house. If we didn't there would be absolute hell.
My youngest is a charter box though, we take his iPad but he's to busy chatting away to everyone. Grin

MummyJ12 · 05/02/2023 10:34

I allow my DC to take iPads to my mum’s if we’re there for lunch. But they don’t have them at the table. It’s a general rule so they don’t even ask.
As with most things though, there’s no set etiquette and it depends on the relationship you have with your family, my DC see my mum a lot and it actually allows me time to get a word in if they have a bit of time on their devices! It’s all very informal and a home from home there.
If we were going to the MIL’s on the other hand, I probably wouldn’t allow iPads as we hardly ever see her, it’s always much more formal and I’d expect them to join in the conversation more. Different scenario.

alwaysscared · 05/02/2023 10:41

Yes because my child is autistic and it's his escape when he feels overwhelmed. Before we 'knew' he was autistic I allowed it because I knew he needed it. The amount of times I've been judged is ridiculous.

MummyJ12 · 05/02/2023 10:41

I should add that DS is autistic also and we always spend way more than two hours at my Mum’s…..
As I say, all families are different and there’s no right or wrong.
Really don’t like people who judge though. Parenting, especially therapeutic parenting is hard enough! We all just do our best.

Boooooot · 05/02/2023 10:45

Yes, my 8 year old will be bringing her iPad to my grandparents house today. I don’t see how it’s any different to when she squirrels herself away with the drawing pad. No one would complain about that. I wouldn’t let her on it while eating though, that’s rude.

Cuppasoupmonster · 05/02/2023 10:46

She shouldn’t be ‘squirrelling herself away’ with either, @Boooooot - she’s going to see her grandparents and to sit gazing at an iPad rather than chatting and joining in is the height of rudeness. Not to mention bad for her social skills and attention span.

Cuppasoupmonster · 05/02/2023 10:49

When I was a kid there were some parents who constantly replied for their kids and let them hide away or not answer (I’m talking older kids, 7-10) because they were ‘shy’. We were always forced to reply and talk to people, it was a pet hate of my mum’s to see rude children who didn’t reply when asked a question. Of course it annoyed me at the time but I’ve grown up without the ‘social anxiety’ that seems to pervade Mumsnet and can chat to anyone about anything really - I wonder if iPads are going to be the precursor to even more ‘social anxiety’ and kids unable to mix with anyone other than short bursts with first degree family. It’s all a bit sad.

BridieConvert · 05/02/2023 10:53

Probably would let them take it, but they would not be allowed it at the table and they'd only get it either before or after lunch, not both.

My DD is 2 and takes her tablet to her grandparents house when we go there every Tuesday (judge away). She has a 5mo sister and a 4mo cousin who are there at the same time so having her sit quietly for a time with her tablet works well while the babies are on the floor (not a lot of space in the living room)

Cuppasoupmonster · 05/02/2023 11:03

A 2 year old with a tablet??? Holy moly

MiniTheMinx · 05/02/2023 11:27

Would it be different if he was reading a book or took a sketch pad? probably yes, but it isn't really different is it!

8misskitty8 · 05/02/2023 11:38

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:24

I'm his aunt, we're close a family and we know there's no SN.

Show quote history

Just because your his aunt doesn’t mean they would have told you if he has additional needs.
We didn’t go round announcing it to the family. Our child’s medical records are None of their business.
He may also be going through assessment.

ASD aside, how does being on the iPad affect you ?

Where you wanting him to entertain your children ?

He’s maybe had a hard week at school and needs a bit of down time.

I assume you didn’t once look at your phone while you where there since you don’t think children should be looking at iPads in company ?

MarshaBradyo · 05/02/2023 11:40

No

Oopswediditagain2023 · 05/02/2023 11:53

No, absolutely not. It's the absolute height of rudeness imho but maybe I'm just old fashioned 😂
I also think it's REALLY important that kids learn social skills from things like sitting at the table and eating as a family and having conversations. A really essential part of growing up that many miss out on.

Saltywalruss · 05/02/2023 13:44

I assume you didn’t once look at your phone while you where there since you don’t think children should be looking at iPads in company?

This question wasn't directed at me, but no I wouldn't feel the need to look at my phone during a two hour lunch visit. There really is no need for ( most) people to keep glancing or "checking" their phone constantly .

maddiemookins16mum · 05/02/2023 14:01

There’s a big difference between screens and, for instance, a colouring book or comic or even cut out dolls etc. Screens seem to suck the child in 100%, so getting any kind of interaction/conversation is harder than if they’re ‘just’ colouring or looking at The Beano.