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Original poster

Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

249 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 19:17

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

OP posts:
Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 05/02/2023 08:20

TeamadIshbel · 05/02/2023 08:17

"Nephew has no SN"

Why is this relevant?! My 9 year old at time would have been bored shirtless coming to a Gran lunch and bringing iPad would be a pay off, they'd have been much happier out playing with friends. I'd have said eat lunch with Gran, have chat then after lunch play iPad. What's the problem?

You must be new round here. Grin

If I hadn't put that there, a dozen posters would have asked/assumed SN. Easier to clarify at the outset.

OP posts:
ChildminderMum · 05/02/2023 08:25

Yes, often. Not at the table though.
If he didn't have his ipad then grandparent would probably put the TV on for him anyway.

HelenaJustina · 05/02/2023 08:26

Absolutely not.

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9 year olds Families
Singleandproud · 05/02/2023 08:33

When I visited family I always took a book with me and would be sat reading that for most of the visit or we would have been herded to the TV room to watch cartoon network. There's not much difference although it wouldn't be used at that table.

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 05/02/2023 08:37

So, if it's ok for a 9yo to be on iPad for 2hrs in a social situation, at what age would you expect them to not be so rude? Would it be acceptable if they were 19? 29??

OP posts:
Hongkongsuey · 05/02/2023 08:38

I would have absolutely insisted they sat and had lunch and joined in at the table. No screens until we’d finished-then they could go play, enjoy iPad whatever. Can’t believe people are saying what’s the harm-no wonder we’re breeding uncivilised little monsters who don’t know how to shave at a table. So what if they’re bored for an hour-they need to make an effort for the grandparents. A 9 year old is perfectly capable of eating at a table, joining in conversation and saying thank you before going off to play.

Hongkongsuey · 05/02/2023 08:39

*behave!

MissHavershamReturns · 05/02/2023 08:40

I wouldn’t allow this for my ds and he has both ASD and ADHD. I would want him to learn you have to take part in the chat on a social occasion.

Natureyhello · 05/02/2023 08:43

Nope I would not allow that. We have a no screens at the table rule which obviously applies to adults too. I can’t even stand it when my DH pulls his phone out and we’re eating dinner!

I also don’t let my kids bring screens when we visit family - they’re there to talk and spend time together, not be locked in their own screen world. I won’t have any control over that when they’re older, but hopefully this will establish good habits now.

cptartapp · 05/02/2023 08:49

Definitely not at the table and only if no one was interacting with him for any length of time, ie board games, football etc. Adults don't want 'child chat' for two hours.
Colouring wouldn't have cut it for either of mine at nine.

Hidingawaytoday · 05/02/2023 08:50

It's difficult, I think it's rude, but then if they were just expected to sit quietly and listen to the adults talk, I can see why they did it.

My grandparents always played with us when we were younger, or we had cousins to play with. Same with DD now (though she's too young for an ipad to be an option)... her grandparents play/interact with her when we visit so there's no need.

LolaSmiles · 05/02/2023 08:53

I wouldn't take it for a 2 hour lunch trip with a 9 year old, but might put it in the bag without DC knowing for a younger child so they could watch an episode of something on Cbeebies quietly if we stayed longer than planned.

I find it rude to visit people and be glued to a screen. I'd bring a bag of books/crafts/small toys instead.

drpet49 · 05/02/2023 08:56

FrenchandSaunders · 04/02/2023 19:24

Nope. 2 hours isn’t long and if people chatted to him and engaged him, plus a bit of colouring or similar, he should cope fine.

Tech shouldn’t be a default like that, esp at 9!!

I agree

AllGone · 05/02/2023 09:02

If there are no other children there to play with and the adults aren't going to make an effort to play, go for a walk etc then I probably would let them take the tablet. We have a no screens at the table rule though. DPIL have a lot of toys from DH and DBIL at their house though which our two love playing with so that helps.

FindingMeno · 05/02/2023 09:04

I would, but not at the table.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/02/2023 09:08

It's definitely rude and I wouldn't/haven't allowed it with my dd, likewise if we go out for lunch or dinner.

How are kids meant to develop social skills if they never have to practice them? Boys especially need the practice!

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 09:08

AFewScrewsLucy · 05/02/2023 08:37

So, if it's ok for a 9yo to be on iPad for 2hrs in a social situation, at what age would you expect them to not be so rude? Would it be acceptable if they were 19? 29??

It's not OK. But for some people they seem to keep their kids on a screen constantly. We went on holiday with A few families and found some of them let their kids be on it with no restriction. And so they were on all the fucking time. So sad to see. Lazy parents couldn't be arsed to do anything with them. Even at meals so horrible to see.

Greenfinch7 · 05/02/2023 09:13

No

naturalchiller · 05/02/2023 09:14

Depends how frequently we saw the grandparents.

DH parents we only see once a month/6 weeks so I wouldn't allow my son to take his iPad for that.

My mum we see regularly and son uses her iPad when we are there or he is there by himself. It's v boring seeing my mum as well...I'd like an iPad to get through it too!

Wouldn't be allowed to use it when having the meal though.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/02/2023 09:16

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 09:08

It's not OK. But for some people they seem to keep their kids on a screen constantly. We went on holiday with A few families and found some of them let their kids be on it with no restriction. And so they were on all the fucking time. So sad to see. Lazy parents couldn't be arsed to do anything with them. Even at meals so horrible to see.

Show quote history

Some people weirdly equal good parenting with having dc who are resigned to being bored and unhappy.

Unless you expect a visit to grandparents to be set up around entertaining dc (which seems quite selfish tbh) then it is normal to take activities.

Generally, from seeing my dc and their friends, it is the kids with restrictions who are obsessed with screens. We have no restrictions and the dc moderate their screen use well.

WandaWonder · 05/02/2023 09:16

As someone mentioned if the 9 year old was in involved in playing games, football whatever sure no ipad

if they were made to sit their listening to adults going on about exciting stuff like the neighbour down the road having their garden gnomes stolen or great uncle bobs nieces boyfriend got a parking fine and sit there being ignored sure ipad

Ginger1982 · 05/02/2023 09:20

So you weren't actually there then OP? Have the grandparents complained to you about it?

Blanketpolicy · 05/02/2023 09:24

When ds(19) was 9 we didnt have any screens as they were not popular yet.

It meant when visiting dgp they made an effort to talk to and socialise with him and the result was they had a brilliant relationship. They always made sure he was included or had something to do with them. Mum would have him helping with dinner or dad would do something with him, they talked at the dinner table and after we would play Uno, frustration, cards etc. He had a strong relationship with dad from a young age because he would never let ds win. Initially it meant tears (and mum would admonish dad) but eventually as ds got older he got more resilant and loved/was determined to beat him (or catch him cheating). Much of ds's resilance I attribute to my dad. He looked forward to visiting and playing games. When we lost dad when ds was 10 and visiting mum as she became older and more frail was even more boring for him as he hit his teens, but he still went and would help her with dinner, dishwasher or help her find bits in her jigsaws and chat, this time it was his turn to make the effort for her and I am so proud of the kindness and patience he showed her.

If screens were around more when ds was a child it is very likely we would have succumbed and let him use them when visiting dgps, and mum/dad would have left him to his own devices. And he would have missed out on so so much. I am glad they weren't.

Boysnme · 05/02/2023 09:27

Mine take theirs otherwise they’d be bored shitless and it lets me get some adult conversation with my dad / in laws / whoever we are visiting without their ears hearing.

They would not be allowed it at a dinner table and they would not be on it the whole time as they would have conversations with the adults while there too.

I do get it though we’ve been out with family who have kids that can do what they like be on their phones the whole time, speak to no one and my kids complain that they weren’t allowed to do that so for us what we do works.

Outtasteamandluck · 05/02/2023 09:29

Mind your own.