Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

[AFewScrewsLucy]

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

Yes. She has a time limit on it and doesn't ask for it every day.
I probably wouldn't have bought one so young, but my mum and sister had both let her use theirs when providing childcare (unbeknownst to me originally) so it felt very hypocritical to not let her have some time on one at home... but we don't have one. So bought a kids one that'll (hopefully) do her years.

It lets her sit quietly and focused while I get something down instead of jumping all over the place.

Yes, and it's easier to stop reading a book as you can pick it up later and continue. But screen based games normally don't"wait" for you and need to be completed.

But she’s supposed to be jumping around; she’s 2. And you’re not honour bound to buy an expensive and unhealthy piece of technology because she’s occasionally had a go on somebody else’s. I can’t help but feel really sad when I see toddlers gawping at tablets rather than playing a proper game or with toys, or just existing in the world around them. It’s a ticking time bomb of ADHD and social anxiety.

A nine year old should be able to join in a conversation and find that fun for a couple of hours. Unless your family is boring it shouldnt be dull!

Every thread I have seen you on you have come across as sanctimonious and judgemental.

I’m not saying she never gets to jump around of course she does, like you say she’s 2, but if I’m trying to cook a meal and she’s jumping about the kitchen that’s not exactly safe is it?
She has a short period of time on the tablet as a very small part of her day. The rest of the time she is outside, or building a pillow fort, or playing with her baby sister, or playing with her teddies/dolls, or sitting down and doing some drawing/colouring, or we’ll play a board game, or a jigsaw, or we’ll do baking. Is that acceptable to you or would you like to judge me for that too?

Good point.

Yes, would absolutely would let them take it especially if no other kids there. Wouldn't allow ipad at the table though.

No need for an iPad. Let him talk with his grandparents and hear some family history. Take paper and pencils (non marking for fabrics), a book, if there’s a garden perhaps a football.

I do judge a 2 year old having daily tablet time, yes. You would probably judge my parenting too 🤷🏼‍♀️ You’re free to do that. It’s the nature of forums like this.

Who said daily? We’ve already established you judge me for the tablet I was asking if you wanted to judge me for the rest.

well that’s a big difference between me and you then… I don’t feel the need to judge other’s parenting

You said when you cook dinner, I assumed you cook it daily.

Im sure you do - if you saw an obese child eating a Mars bar for breakfast, or a parent vaping in the car with the baby in the back. We all do it, I’m just a bit more direct in admitting it I think.

I'm torn on this because I do think it's rude and whilst I try not to be, I am a bit judgy about kids never putting their devices down and engaging.

Most NT 9 year olds can manage a lunch and a bit of chat without constant access to tech but should they have to?
Were there other kids their age to talk to/play with?
It is really boring with loads of grownups waffling and you're just sat there.

I think it's fine to bring it for use at any times where the conversation is boring adult chat but absolutely not at the table for lunch or when they first arrive and should be chatting to family.

Boring is good. We always talk about ‘resilience’, here is a very low level and safe way of building it up. Making everything fun/stimulating/rewarding does kids a huge disservice when they then become adults and realise a lot of adulting is boring and doing things they don’t really want to do.

I'm pretty sure my 9yo is not the only 9yo who would struggle to join in a two hour conversation about politics, work dynamics, health conditions, current news stories - you know, adult topics.

I can definitely talk to her for two hours, but not about the topics I want to talk to my dm about. Because different thinks are fun for different people, and being miserable isn't a virtue when it can easily be solved with a bit of preparation.

‘Miserable’ 🙄

but should they have to?

It is quite sad if the grownups are making no effort to socialise with all family members at a meet up, whatever age.

It is only when the tech isn't there that everyone (adults and children) makes more effort, and the more effort they make the more they learn about and become interested in each other and it becomes easier to socialise. Children are not having more than superficial relationships with relatives because they are not having to.

Well I obviously cook dinner daily but thankfully some days my husband is there to either cook or to look after the kids so she’s not always on it

@Cuppasoupmonster do you think too much tech access causes ADHD?

Possibly (personal suspicion), but definitely exacerbates symptoms (proven)

Just because you're family would keep things like that a secret, doesn't mean ours does... There no SN. I promise.

And even if I did check my phone once in 2 hours (which I didn't and wouldn't) it still isn't the same as gawping at it for 2 hours and ignoring the people who are feeding and hosting you.

Surely a family meal with a 9 year old present isn't the time to talk politics and health conditions... It's time to all about the week gone/ahead, planned holidays, latest books/interests, family news, school, TV etc.? Something everyone could talk about?
And maybe a higher level of things like politics, if it's prudent. Such as getting a new prime minister etc but nothing about scandal for example.

I generally save the adult chat for when it's just adults, I wouldn't want to be talking about health conditions in front of a 9 year old child. For me, that's vastly inappropriate.

Even I get bored visiting my grandparents I see no problem in my 8 year old quietly taking herself off to do something she wants to do.

Why don’t you take a tablet for yourself, then? In fact why bother visiting at all?

@Boooooot 100% agree. What young child wants to sit there for hours listening to boring adult conversations. Noone's going to die if a kid plays on a tablet for a little while.

There are some very judgemental people on this thread. Best to ignore them and do what you think is best for your own child.