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Original poster

Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

249 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 19:17

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

OP posts:
SpaceMonitor · 04/02/2023 21:01

nickelbabe · 04/02/2023 19:23

Yes.

In fact, my mum used to encourage it, and gently tease them about it, but didn't mind at all, in the slightest.

Because, unlike you, she understands that pre-teen children can find visits overwhelming and a bit boring when it's all adults just chatting around.

If the grandparents had something more interesting to do, then it was their call to announce it.

Overwhelming? Surely you’re not suggesting a neurotypical child would be overwhelmed by going to have Sunday lunch at their grandparents house?

Why do people insist on treating their kids like they could break at any moment?

I absolutely would not let my child take devices to a family lunch. I would expect a 9 year old to be able to sit at the table and make conversation. If they can’t do that then they have probably been spending too much time looking at screens instead of learning how to interact with other humans.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with being a bit bored.

Mummyof287 · 04/02/2023 21:11

Sadly this sort of thing is all too common now- kids glued to screens here there and everywhere- it's ridiculous! :( We have the same when we visit family- our neices/nephews who are only 9/10 constantly sit upstairs on their computers, even though we have young DCs, parents don't do anything about it...moan at them abit but never put in boundaries.They don't even get them to stop to eat a meal together, they just give them food whilst they sit on their screens :(

I get children can't be expected to just sit still for ages and join in adult conversations but if it's close family visiting such as grandparents they should at least be present in the vicinity and communicable, even if they are playing with toys etc.
For example we always eat as a family at teatime, but 5yo DD is allowed to play with something at the table in between courses.That way she is still present and joining in, but not bored and fidgety.

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:19

DrMarciaFieldstone · 04/02/2023 19:39

Also hope this doesn’t turn into ‘my kids were moaning as they wanted theirs too’.

Parents have to parent how they see fit, it’s not relevant what anyone else is doing.

So...... It is relevant what others are doing then, if one parent's kid wanted theirs because the other parents let them have theirs? Confused

OP posts:

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9 year olds Families
WordtoYoMumma · 04/02/2023 21:22

Absolutely not. A 9yr old does not need an iPad for 2 hours at grandparents house.

I hate this dependence on screens for kids, and it is super lazy parenting.

My kids do not have screens at the table, ever. And my kids have been taught to socialise and talk to their grandparents even if it's a bit boring.

Honestly technology is destroying kids and I hate it

LlynTegid · 04/02/2023 21:22

No.

I imagine a very difficult teenager starting in four years.

Teaandtoast3 · 04/02/2023 21:24

Yes because their grandparents don’t bother much with them. Not at the table though.

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:24

Andsoforth · 04/02/2023 20:05

It took me a long time to open up about my dc’s SN to judgey relatives who had an opinion on every aspect of my parenting, including bringing an iPad to make a family visit more bearable.

Are you qualified to say for certain that there are no SN at play?

I'm his aunt, we're close a family and we know there's no SN.

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 04/02/2023 21:32

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:19

So...... It is relevant what others are doing then, if one parent's kid wanted theirs because the other parents let them have theirs? Confused

Show quote history

You say ‘no’ to your child then, and that’s that. You don’t need other people to stop their child doing something because you don’t want your child doing it.

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:33

TheSnowyOwl · 04/02/2023 19:19

How exactly did it impact and affect you? I really can’t bring myself to judge someone for their parenting when they aren’t harming their child. Watching or not watching an iPad doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Never said it did impact me. Just wondering if this was acceptable behaviour these days, because I don't think it is.DS(9) might take something with them to this lunch like a new toy or whatever,but with the intention of showing/sharing it with GPs. So he took his new magic trick set the other weekend to a just as long lunch. GPs showed interest, let him perform the trick for each of them etc and he just chatted along with adults at lunch, we talked about life, school, holidays all the normal stuff. So I can't imagine it would have been much different for BILs family had nephew not been on iPad all the time, which is, by design, a solo activity. Sure, GP could ask about what nephew was doing on tablet. And they likely did, but apparently he was absorbed for the 2hrs, so I'm going to guess he wasn't being terribly open and communicative whilst on it.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 21:35

Rude and poor/lazy parenting.

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 21:35

DrMarciaFieldstone · 04/02/2023 21:32

You say ‘no’ to your child then, and that’s that. You don’t need other people to stop their child doing something because you don’t want your child doing it.

Show quote history

Never said they should stop. Not once. But to imply what other parents do has no relevance to you as a parent is clearly not true.

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 04/02/2023 21:39

Absolutely not. But then I raised my children pre IPads so know of a world without them. And I also think it is healthy for children to be a bit bored sometimes- it stimulates their imaginations.

Toomuchinfor · 04/02/2023 21:42

It would depend on how I thought he'd be without the iPad, how stressful or fulfilling the company was, what else had gone on that day. You might have wished yourself somewhere else if the iPad hadn't been there but only his parents would know. They may choose not to fight behavioral battles in front of inlaws for any number of reasons.

But on the face of it, if grandparents and yourself are good with him, it's a bit poor.

spidereggs · 04/02/2023 21:43

No, but it's family politics isn't it.

Pre teen, I don't want to go.. wee x will be busy performing etc etc.

Keep the peace, as long as polite and not causing upset.

These things are hard with kids from different parents.

I had my four year old in tears not wanting to go to granny's if cousins there because they are six, love princess stuff and she likes dinosaurs. Her two year old sister was in her element being cuddled by her big cousins. She hates it, so I popped a film on.

The next day she went alone and was quite happy.

Itsallyellow22 · 04/02/2023 21:48

No. For a two hour visit to family including a meal I can't see why a 9 year old needs a screen. Lazy parenting and does the child no favours.

saraclara · 04/02/2023 21:54

I'm astonished that so many posters think that their kids shouldn't have to go two hours without an iPad. Especially when probably half of that time would be spent having a meal.

I wonder how my kids coped with whole weekends at their grandparents, pre-iPads. Yet somehow they occupied themselves, and even enjoyed going.

TheCatCatcher · 04/02/2023 22:01

saraclara · 04/02/2023 21:54

I'm astonished that so many posters think that their kids shouldn't have to go two hours without an iPad. Especially when probably half of that time would be spent having a meal.

I wonder how my kids coped with whole weekends at their grandparents, pre-iPads. Yet somehow they occupied themselves, and even enjoyed going.

Depends on the grandparents. I would say an iPad was a necessity to escape my kids grandparents, no one enjoyed 2 hours of them.

WFHbore2023 · 04/02/2023 22:02

Nope, absolutely not. (8 year old and 5 year old)

2 hours isn't a long time for a visit, especially for lunch.

I don't let ours take them outside the house.

If we go for a meal they can take colouring stuff, but not an iPad. They have things at their grandparents house to entertain them.

People (kids or otherwise) using phones or iPads in public with the sound up pisses me off no end - strangely I don't want to hear the tinny noise they make whilst I'm out and about

icanneverthinkofnc · 04/02/2023 22:08

Not during a meal, and only for a short spell otherwise. I would expect them to be part of the family and interact as such.

Post toddler/ preschool, they are capable of joining in polite conversation with grandparents during a 2 hour visit assuming no SN.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:11

Toomuchinfor · 04/02/2023 21:42

It would depend on how I thought he'd be without the iPad, how stressful or fulfilling the company was, what else had gone on that day. You might have wished yourself somewhere else if the iPad hadn't been there but only his parents would know. They may choose not to fight behavioral battles in front of inlaws for any number of reasons.

But on the face of it, if grandparents and yourself are good with him, it's a bit poor.

To be honest I think being forced to spend time with grandparents even if a bit dull etc is really good for kids. They can’t be appeased and satisfied at all times and find everything they do enjoyable. As far as ‘resilience’ goes it’s a very tame exercise.

liveforsummer · 04/02/2023 22:15

No, but depending on behaviour I might be glad if others did in the same situation

TheCatCatcher · 04/02/2023 22:17

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:11

To be honest I think being forced to spend time with grandparents even if a bit dull etc is really good for kids. They can’t be appeased and satisfied at all times and find everything they do enjoyable. As far as ‘resilience’ goes it’s a very tame exercise.

Show quote history

You haven’t met my kids grandparents. 😂

BankOfDave · 04/02/2023 22:17

Would never, and have never, allowed this for same age DC. When we visit family and especially if only for 2 hours we are there to interact. GPs want to talk to the DC and will often have a game with them, cards or something easily portable or something they have in the house. Children shouldn’t be ignored and expected to be quiet whilst the grown ups chat.

Even if it’s boring - it’s good to be bored and learn some manners at this age as that’s what I have to do as an adult sometimes. Unless there are SEN, seems all v antisocial.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:19

TheCatCatcher · 04/02/2023 22:17

You haven’t met my kids grandparents. 😂

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What’s wrong with them?

S72 · 04/02/2023 22:22

No. We don't take devices when visiting family unless it is a multi-day visit.

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