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Original poster

Would you let your 9 yo take an iPad to Grandparents when you're there for lunch?

249 replies

AFewScrewsLucy · 04/02/2023 19:17

You're going over with your partner and 9 yo for around 2 hours at lunchtime Sunday roast at Nanny and Gramps.
Would you let your child bring their iPad with them, and let them use it in the 2hrs they were there? If so for how long?
I ask because my BIL and SIL allowed this: nephew came in, said hello, sat on sofa on iPad, took it to lunch table, ate a bit of food,and was on the floor by table on the tablet until pudding. Then ate pudding, then returned to iPad until home time.
I was absolutely gobsmacked they even brought the iPAD, let alone allowed him in it all the time. Byit am I missing something?

Nephew has no SN

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 04/02/2023 22:28

I absolutely would. I'd expect them to put it away during lunch.

Unless you were offering to entertain them, I think it is precisely none of your business tbh.

TheCatCatcher · 04/02/2023 22:29

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:19

What’s wrong with them?

Show quote history

Not sure, they should have a nice life but they’re determined to hate and blame everyone for anything. It’s horrible and draining to listen to. Our kids have chose not to see them now they’re teens and the grandparents have got worse as they’ve got older. Only my partner sees them occasionally now, not sure why he bothers, duty I suppose. But when they were younger, my kids took iPads to escape their judgement and doom. 😅

pleaseletmesleeptonight · 04/02/2023 22:29

It's just rude and bloody lazy, he's 9 learn how to sit and talk and get involved, I can't stand it out and about at tables seeing small kids glued to iPhones and iPads.

I can't wait for this to pass and then next parent generation to buck this parenting of normalising kids being glued to devices.

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9 year olds Families
Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:31

Stompythedinosaur · 04/02/2023 22:28

I absolutely would. I'd expect them to put it away during lunch.

Unless you were offering to entertain them, I think it is precisely none of your business tbh.

Why should she ‘entertain them’? Confused They’re not her kids. I also judge parents who give their toddlers fizzy drinks, should I be offering to buy them bottles of water?

saraclara · 04/02/2023 22:36

Stompythedinosaur · 04/02/2023 22:28

I absolutely would. I'd expect them to put it away during lunch.

Unless you were offering to entertain them, I think it is precisely none of your business tbh.

Why do kids have to be entertained by adults at all times?

Joshitai · 04/02/2023 22:40

I would allow an iPad.
Not during the meal though, that is OTT.
It would really be for when the adults want an adult conversation.

So, for a 2hrs visit probably half hour kids interact with grandparents, then all eat for half hour or so, then help clear/tidy dishes make tea/coffees for 15mins, then go on iPad so adults can have coffee and a chat for 45mins or so before hometime.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:52

Gawd to think when I was a kid we didn’t only visit our grandparents, but a handful of elderly lonely people in the village! And we were expected to make polite conversation with them. Would be seen as abusive parenting now by all accounts…

GoodChat · 04/02/2023 23:17

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 22:52

Gawd to think when I was a kid we didn’t only visit our grandparents, but a handful of elderly lonely people in the village! And we were expected to make polite conversation with them. Would be seen as abusive parenting now by all accounts…

It wouldn't though, would it.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 23:21

GoodChat · 04/02/2023 23:17

It wouldn't though, would it.

Show quote history

By some on here it would.

Nat6999 · 04/02/2023 23:31

Ds was allowed to play on my mum's Ipad when we visited when he was younger & then as he got older took his own tablet or laptop with him.

Sarah2891 · 04/02/2023 23:36

My 9 year old nephew never has an iPad with him when he's at my parents for few hours. There's no need.

Even if they were a bit bored it's not like it's going to harm them!

Lentil63 · 04/02/2023 23:41

@TheSnowyOwl
I believe allowing a child to be so separated from the norms of social contact is harmful to the point of abuse.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 23:46

Nat6999 · 04/02/2023 23:31

Ds was allowed to play on my mum's Ipad when we visited when he was younger & then as he got older took his own tablet or laptop with him.

Why?

iminvestednow · 04/02/2023 23:50

Why does it matter to you, they’re not your kids. Personally even with an SEN child I like to teach him to respect boundaries, we all eat together but when all kids are finished they are allowed to get down and not join us for the cheese course! If he wanted iPad at this point then I would say that’s ok but not while eating!

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 23:53

iminvestednow · 04/02/2023 23:50

Why does it matter to you, they’re not your kids. Personally even with an SEN child I like to teach him to respect boundaries, we all eat together but when all kids are finished they are allowed to get down and not join us for the cheese course! If he wanted iPad at this point then I would say that’s ok but not while eating!

Because it’s poor parenting which in turn creates an antisocial society where people cannot bear to do anything that don’t find instantly stimulating or ‘fun’. There is also a direct link between high screen time and poor mental health which again becomes a societal issue.

SD1978 · 05/02/2023 00:22

Not a two hour visit. But there are other factors to consider. Was there any other kids? Does the house have toys suitable for a 9 yr old, did anyone offer to play/ interact with him. If you were going to a meal, where no one was on your level, interested in what you were interested in, wouldn't do anything you wanted to do because they weren't ineterested.........wouldn't you want to bring your own entertainment? For two hours, the adults there should have been anle to entertain him, what did you do to try?

betweenfor · 05/02/2023 00:34

No. Not in a million years.

MrsMikeDrop · 05/02/2023 00:37

I think it's sad as the child should be interacting with the family, but if someone chooses to parent like this, is their business

Hups · 05/02/2023 04:37

No.
I don't allow any technology at my table at meal times, so I certainly wouldn't have allowed mine to take technology to others tables during mealtimes.
For a two hour visit I wouldn't have allowed them to take it anyway.

ItsCurtainstothat · 05/02/2023 04:43

Rude. Kids need to learn to sit at the table and deal with some boredom. It’s part of life and teaches social skills. You don’t see this on the continent. Whole families sit and eat round a table for lengthy periods of time. The children don’t sit in front of screens.

Nicecow · 05/02/2023 04:44

Firevixen · 04/02/2023 20:09

Would you feel the same if the iPad had instead been a book? Or a favourite toy? I wouldn't have allowed it at the dinner table but I don't feel it's any different to the other 2 things I have mentioned. As long as they didn't have sound playing, annoying other people.

That's a good point. I didn't think of it like that. Maybe it's because an ipad for that long is deemed to be bad for you? Great point regarding the book though, certainly something to think about

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 08:06

Nicecow · 05/02/2023 04:44

That's a good point. I didn't think of it like that. Maybe it's because an ipad for that long is deemed to be bad for you? Great point regarding the book though, certainly something to think about

Show quote history

When DSS was younger, well before iPads existed he would also be reading. He was banned from it when visiting relatives if it was for just a few hours. We wanted him to learn to converse, listen and shock horror occasionally be bored. He could read all the way in the car and when home. We would make an effort to make the conversation interesting for him, and his grandparents would tell funny stories that he still remembers as an adult.

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 08:07

Not also be reading, ALWAYS be reading!

TeamadIshbel · 05/02/2023 08:17

"Nephew has no SN"

Why is this relevant?! My 9 year old at time would have been bored shirtless coming to a Gran lunch and bringing iPad would be a pay off, they'd have been much happier out playing with friends. I'd have said eat lunch with Gran, have chat then after lunch play iPad. What's the problem?

Original poster
AFewScrewsLucy · 05/02/2023 08:18

Nicecow · 05/02/2023 04:44

That's a good point. I didn't think of it like that. Maybe it's because an ipad for that long is deemed to be bad for you? Great point regarding the book though, certainly something to think about

Show quote history

Any exclusionary activity is inappropriate, yes. If a visitor is absorbed in something to the exclusion of others, be that reading, iPad, listening to music with headphones etc...it's rude.

OP posts: