Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

My DH is shite with names so pretty much all our neighbours have random names he actually can remember. A small selection (any actual names are not their real names):

Larger Harry
Michael Stipe
Legohead
My mum and [my mum's partners name]
Big Gav
Tall woman
Spiderman

Not neighbours, but we have nicknamed a cat 'Robert'. I used to shout a very bad name at him, when he attacked our cats, but DH gave me a bollocking for calling him this other name. Now it's just 'that bastard cat Robert'

I've got Moaning Mike (probably not called Mike)
Louise Lemon (probably not called Louise)
The Carpenters (always carrying wood)
Thatfuckingdickheaddowntheroad

NDN is referred to as Mr McGregor by my 4yr old DD. Always gardening with the crack of his arse showing 😖 And shooing the squirrels away.
Guy directly opposite is a personal trainer so he’s called Gymbob - see what we did there 😂

Ned flanders
Twat with the leaf blower
lady with the nice flowers
chatty man

@Seriously79 I know a lady who has called her cat ‘cooking fat’ because she kept shouting ‘that f*ing cat’ but didn’t want the neighbours to think she swore 🤣

I know all my immediate neighbours by name but in the area there’s also Miserable Bastard, Landrover Dickheads and The Doberman Lady.

I’m probably always dragging a tantrumming child along late with the bins lady

DH used to call our old NDN 'The Poison Dwarf'. They had a love hate relationship

Ha ha!

The Croods
We think they’ve only just discovered fire.

Old John
New John
Quiet Al
Fit builder
3 dog dude
Grumpy builder with the boy racer stoner son
Hamster lady and the ferals.
All nice really apart from the last group.

Loud John. Because he's very loud and called John (so not nameless, just a descriptor added!).

We’ve got
Baldy (for obvious reasons) and his wife Mrs Baldy (although she has hair)
The Young Couple - they were 20 years ago, but not now
The Greyhound Couple
Boiler suit man - because he wears one all the time

Throat clearer (he works outside and always clearing his throat with a large 'hem' sound). Nice, chatty man.

Peeping Tom and his wife Smiler, always in the front garden or watching from the windows.

And The Chav Family around the corner - not my name for them-but a family of people who privately rent a house (other people privately rent but are not obnoxious). Tattooed, part shaven-haired man, high scraped pony-tailed shouting woman. Both orange with fake tan.

The only ones we have nicknames for are the old couple across the street who we call "new grandma and new grandad" because DS started calling them that when he was playing with their grandson who was visiting.

We call our next door neighbour slapped arse face because she has a face like a slapped arse.

Paperboy..he is 70 and walks for a newspaper every day.

Adisham innit.. when an old neighbour was telling us where she was moving to, the close next to Adisham (close) innit

Homer.. looks like Homer Simpson

Dread to think what they call us 😅

I have been very very fortunate with neighbours and still am. They are all bloody lovely. I had one set living next door for about 4 years who were referred to as "the twats next door". Utterly awful people who were really unkind to my ASD son. Otherwise it is the one thing I worry about should I move. Bad neighbours are life ruining. I'm a FAB neighbour btw 🙂

Howard & Hilda (they're so bloody perfect)
Clap Police (she challenged me once about why I wasn't out doing the Thank you key worker clap bollocks)
Jo Over The Road
Steve Window Cleaner
Neverending Extension
Neverending Loft Conversion

The Bumfaces
The Whoopydoos
Ralph and Sadie (actually Patrick and Sarah) DH can't remember their names
The Hippy Dudes
The Scumbags
The Odd Couple
The Fast Lady

We somehow seem to know more pet names than neighbours' names so we usually just refer to them as "dog/cat name's owner/person/house".

Although, we do also have "the twats at the top of the road with all the cars" and "the burning stuff twats at the bottom of the road" (huge fire pit thing that they put rubbish in and has had the fire service called on them twice recently.)

We have:

Dave the dog (who is a dog)

Dave with the chickens (who is a person not to be confused with Dave the dog)

Noisy man-child - the mid twenties lad with enormous speakers in his focus ST who lives with his parents in the big corner house

Hobo cat - a random cat who appeared out of nowhere and apparently abandoned. I wanted to adopt her but we already have Lady Hiss who wouldn't approve so neighbours across the road got her checked for microchip and adopted her.

Iggy the dandelion king - Ignacious who mows his lawn once in the spring when all the dandelion clocks are out and spreads them everywhere.

Grumpy man - not very original but my kids named him this when he yelled at them for me playing on the pavement near his house. They shouted "there's grumpy man!" the other day when he went past with his windows down! He shouts at all the kids apparently.

We know the names of most of the rest.

We’ve got

Tony Twattery
Ted the Ted (looks like a big cuddly bear and his name is Edward)
Val Doonican (he always wears a patterned jumper)

Big Quiff
Geordie Shore
Gypsy King

Old neighbour was Pin Dick

El Chapo et al, for their incredibly ability to stay awake from Friday night until the early hours of Monday morning. Every single weekend, it’s incredible.