Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

Ours are the furries on one side and the sex can spies on the other. Further down the road we have mr pub man and swallowed a wasp face.

British Gas & Mrs Gas our NDN - self explanatory, he works for them
'Welcome to the avenue' - first thing they said to us when we moved in
Draprons - our neighbours son around aged 50 who comes round for breakfast dinner and tea and to get his washing done. A pun on Apron Strings and Drapes - the man is complete curtains.

I always wonder what our nicknames are to the others 🤣

Lobster - tiniest bit of hear he takes his top off then gets very burnt
Fancy pants car - new car every year
Shanty - new lean-to appeard in his garden every few months, over time they all connected to look like a shanty town.

Some of these are fantastic!

Mr Muscle and his wife Honey Monster is probably my favourite, followed closely by Tennis Tony

Love some of these !

we have collected so far…

yoda - small moody woman and wears an anorak in all weathers

dragula - creepy man that stares a lot and walks with a drag

nanny McPhee - a horrible rude woman that is a daytime nanny for a neighbour and causes arguments with her inconsiderate and awful parking

We also have Whiner. In an old house we had Mr Bean.

We have:
BBQ man
Baked Bean man
The three brothers
Miss Lemon
Degsy
Italian Lawyer

Campervan Cunts- park their huge van in the road and pies off all the neighbours
Droning Twatface- sits outside all day from 8-10. Never stops talking.
Miserable Cow. Lovely husband and children. She never speaks, just puts her noise in the air.
Me and Mrs Caravan
Wierdo-next-door

in no specific order we have

the shaggers
the snob
the man who seems to have lots of visits from the police .

We live next door to “the grumps.”

Ooh I've got a couple.

The Driveway Wankers - moved in during lockdown and immediately ripped up the front garden to put a drive in and proceeded to do very loud work for many weeks.

The Parking Cunts - get into very regular arguments with several of my nice neighbours about their shitty parking. They don't seem to have realised they are the problem!

Weirdos next door- never speak or acknowledge us even though I say morning etc. you'd think we'd mortally offended them somehow.

Prick on the corner- overly protective about you parking outside his house. It's all on street parking and he'll ask you to move your car if it's outside his house

Nowt so queer as folk.

'The neighbour' refers to the guy next door or his wife.

'Those fuckers' live at the other side.

'The woman on the end' self explanatory

'Dave' might not be Dave but looks like a Dave

The rest of them get their actual names

Cunt face and twat next door (we do know their names but these suit them better),
Gym guy and gym guys wife (they told us their names, we promptly forgot them and its been too long to ask again now!),
The one on the end (get her name mixed up with lady next to her)
The one next to Deb,
Dog lady (she runs a dog walking business)
and, The new people opposite (they've been here 2 years!)

Mr and Mrs Smith,
then others are code names.

Dave , the flappers, the flumps , the happy clappies , kinky s and d, mr spoons and Skoda man

I have:
Neighbourhood Watch- nosy woman at the back. If it’s your business then it’s her business.

Catweazle/Rainman - clever but scruffy man who doesn’t work

The Lottery Winners - new high spec cars every year but don’t seem to work. Also known as the None-Campers due to an almost brand new camper van that they never ever use.

The Swingers - pampas grass in the garden

Cotswold Outdoor - retired woman always in outdoor gear

The Bush Trimmer - no flowers in his garden but trims his Leylandi and lawn obsessively.

Teacher Tracey - self explanatory

The Non-Functioning Alcoholics - mother and son who have a Sri king problem.

Cooking mama
The Simpsons
The athletes
Bingo
Dog woman
Actor G

Barbie and Ken
The Pope
The Simians ( had been tossing their dog's mess into our back garden!)
Cat strangler (operatic singer or at least she thinks 😂)

We have
Smoking couple
The Flanders
Purple jacket lady
Virgin man (as in the company)
The Newly weds (called them this for 10 years!)

Tammi two shoes- she always has to do one better
The knob Head’s - needs no explanation
Mrs Sainsbury’s- she works in sainsburys
The weirdos - he’s an embalmer and hates children and animals, saw them take a coffin inside their house.

Oh I forgot Scouse guy… he’s a Scouse guy

We know all our neighbours' actual names because it's that sort of place, but when we first moved in there was a chap we called Mr F Off You Fing C* because that's what he shouted from inside his house whenever we walked past. He never gave us a bit of trouble otherwise and I assume he just had a verbal tic.

Yep we've got:

Slutty Cath
Slutty Cath's parents
The lesbians
The gays
King colin and Queen Anne
The wankers next door
The couple in the corner

My immediate neighbour is TTND for short. That Tosser Next Door for long.

He tried to kill my dog so frankly it's a miracle he's alive at all!