Things you call your neighbours

[WhackingPhoenix]

Met our new neighbours properly for the first time today and they told us they’ve called us ‘Mr and Mrs Metalhead’ for weeks because they didn’t know our names we were actually listening to ABBA today whilst gardening which confused/amused them! Perhaps we’re now Mr and Mrs ABBA instead.

It made me think of all the names I’ve given neighbours in the past: we’ve had ‘Angela with the hair’ (her name turned out to be Carole), ‘Big Dog Man’, ‘Small Dog Lady’, ‘Purple Lady’, ‘Shouty Man’ and simply ‘Keith’ (who may not have been called Keith at all)

What do you call your nameless neighbours?

I tell a lie! We had nicknamed another one!
At the end of our road we had Lonely Guy.
We always used to drive past his block of flats in the evenings when heading into our street and in the winter when it was dark out, he'd always have his lights on and curtains wide open so you could see in his flat when going past.
He was always sat alone watching tv so we nicknamed him Lonely Guy.
We actually cheered (quietly so he couldn't hear 😅) when we drove past one evening and he had friends round. We were so happy that we re-nicknamed him Not-So-Lonely Guy

Mr Pathetic. The man who threatened us with the police because we had teenagers in the garden on bonfire night at 10 20pm. I reported him to the community police officers. Grew up in Belfast. No need for police with teenagers in garden at 10 20pm. Get a grip entitled English people.

Punch and Bruisey...they seem to fight a lot!

We did have The Shaggers but they have moved (replaced by The Arguers) Never knew their real names as they never spoke

Also Mrs Love Honey (we do know her proper name though - her nickname came because we held a parcel for her for that long I though I should send it back so googled the return address 😂)

Boss-eyed Steve.
Not Uncle Mark (that one is for the benefit of my 5 year-old who always forgets that more than one person can have the same name)

When I first met my (lovely) neighbours they introduced themselves but I couldn't remember what the DH was called, I knew it was a common name like Dave or Gary so we just called him Darry.

I live with significant fear or accidentally calling him Darry to his face.

One other neighbour is Patrick Bateman. Draw what conclusions from that you will...

Autistic garden twat.

He is obsessive about leaves falling into his garden and our (long) boundary is my great big hedge that triggers him massively (but gives much privacy so is staying).

He is that obsessive that he will go outside during a rainy storm to sweep up the fallen leaves.

He has been known to dump his swept leaves into our garden just after we raked everything on our end, hence the Twat.

Next door neighbour BarbaraMargaret as we can't remember which. Every so often we get some post for her and I vow to remember which one it is.

Bloke on the outskirts of our estate -King Gary (the character off the sitcom). He looks like him from a way off, not seen him up close!

Ex neighbours, Jesus and Mary. My slightly not-with-it Dad actually enquired of Jesus "how is Mary"? They were stoners with a penchant for roast lamb with mint jelly when stoned. I called it Lamb of God.

Ice Maiden- never smiles
The Richies - big house!
Georgie Porgie - George
Dog Woman - Makes howling noises having loud sex!!

We have
Next Door
New Next Door
Driveway Dickhead, or Double D for short
Night Nurse
Peeping Granny

Apparently I'm Aggie as I suffer from agoraphobia and struggle to answer the door.

The Glums
Baseball Cap
Mr Big
The Mafia
Cat woman
Fat Larry and his Band
Care in the Community

Foghorn Fred - no volume control. We knew everything about his life.

I used to live opposite sex mad Linda and pinky and perky next door
now it’s grumpy Nigel next door
the vet - may have been a vet but she had many animals also next door

and the hoover Queen - loved hoovering any day any time

Ha! Our neighbours have two daughters with strangely loud voices, and one of them weirdly all 'Jah!' and 'Rah!'
Jasmine the Human Foghorn
Radio Daisy

We used to have a neighbour called Betsy but she moved and the woman who moved into her house we call Not Betsy.
Yappy Dog Lady
Chef
Hat Lady

"Gums" = comes to the door without his false teeth in. He died last year and I really miss him, I always used to wave at him on my way out!

New Norma

Mr Norma clearly has a type.

My mother's house is set behind another one. The neighbour in front is called Mrs In Front,abbreviated to MIF on our whatsapp chats.

Sour Face Trout (she’s utterly miserable)
Hen Pecked Henry (her husband)
Vidal Sassoon (neighbour with a comb over)
Wanker Wayne
Hyacinth Bouquet

The man two doors down is called 'the douche' by DH as his first greeting to us after we moved in was to accuse us aggressively of knocking his wing mirror off earlier that day. No 'proof' other than some paint on his wing mirror which was apparently the same shade as our car and the fact our mirror was tucked in (our car had no scratches, marks etc on it whatsoever 🤔and both mirrors were in as they were automatic and our street is narrow)

We have the joy of:

'Robert' short for "R.Sole", a name not nearly rude enough for the idiot that he is.
'Witchy', partner of the above, with such a pointy nose it looks fake.

'Velvet Jacket' is the guy who fancies himself and ponces around dressed for an evening cocktail party despite being in deepest rural Yorkshire.

'Family guy' who is a sweetheart and thankfully our actual next door neighbour, but in front of our house.

'Pillock' who is the 30-year old who looks like a Year 8 next door but one.

'Yapping dog woman' : self-explanatory.

'The newly-weds' : very sweet couple but didn't catch their names. Embarrassing.

My neighbour opposite calls me by a diminutive of my name, she shouts it across the road, my family thinks it is hilarious. I absolutely loathe this name but too much time has passed to tell her.

We have 'him with the van', 'drug dealer' (he isn't, but does have some dodgy looking mates, lol), 'Sue's Mum and Dad' and 'Sam's Mum' (who happens to be Sue of 'Sue's M&D' but we still call her 'Sam's Mum', go figure!)

The perfect couple.